


The Quagmire-Baudelaire switch part 2: The Quagmire triplets are on the case

by Theweirdslingshot



Series: The Quagmire Baudelaire switch [2]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Guys it's the second part oh my god we got this far, M/M, Teenage phases, The Quagmire-Baudelaire Switch, Triplets against humanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-01-05 23:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 43,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21216545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theweirdslingshot/pseuds/Theweirdslingshot
Summary: With an evil count and the authorities chasing them, and the fact they will maybe never see their friends again, the Quagmire triplets aren't really feeling that well. It doesn't make it better that they seem to enter a real angsty teenage phase. Is there any hope for Quigley, Isadora and Duncan?Part 2 of The Quagmire-Baudelaire switch, let's do this!





	1. The birth of the Quagmire triplets

**Author's Note:**

> I have never in my life experienced or seen the birth of a baby. Much less the birth of triplets. So if anything is inaccurate, you know why.

"Mrs. Quagmire? Dr. Doof is ready to see you now."

Mrs. Quagmire carefully stood up from her waiting chair. Her husband was holding her hand.

"Be careful, dear." he said, and they shared a kiss.

They walked through the halls in the hospital.

"How are you feeling, honey?" Mr. Quagmire asked.  
"I don't know." Mrs. Quagmire smirked, "How are you supposed to feel?"  
"I myself am deeply nervous, but also so ready for this. Finally, the little child is coming out."  
"Come on, you know there's more than one child in there. That's why they will be born through C-section."  
"Are you sure there's just one very big child?"

Mrs. Quagmire rolled her eyes at her husband. But she smiled. She knew he was joking. It was his way of coping with the nervousness. He would be a father soon. She would be a mother soon. Right now they just focused on being as positive as ever.

"Oh my godness, Eleonora! Is that the Quagmires?"

Yeah. Positive.

"Quagmires! It's us! The Poes!"  
"Arthur and Eleonora Poe..." Mr. Quagmire sighed. "Hello."  
"Are you on a checkup?" Eleonora asked. "We are, too! We are getting a girl!"  
"We're gonna name her Edgar." Arthur said proudly. "Or Polly."

Mr. Quagmire rolled his eyes. "Well, we are actually having our babies."  
"My godness!" Arthur gasped, "Is she in labor?"  
"She's excellent at hiding it!" Eleonora cheered.  
"No, we are having a C-section." Mrs. Quagmire explained.  
"But that's dangerous!" Arthur protested.

Mrs. Quagmire gave them an irritated smile. "The doctors are very sure there's more than one baby inside, and it could be dangerous if i'm _not _having a C-section."

Before the Poes said anything more, the Quagmire couple walked away as soon as possible.

"Mrs and Mr. Quagmire, welcome!"

The couple greeted the doctor with a handshake.

"So, it's time." the doctor said.  
"Yeah..." Mr. Quagmire sighed happily. "Finally."

Holding hands, they walked inside to get ready.

Only an hour later, Mrs. Quagmire was lying down on the operation table.

"Alright, we're gonna give you some pain medication." a nurse said, "It can make you feel a little dizzy, but you won't feel a thing. Sounds good?"  
"Yeah." Mrs Quagmire nodded.  
"Your husband might want to look away." the doctor said, "It's not going to be a nice scene."  
"I can handle you cutting up the belly of my wife." Mr. Quagmire shrugged, and smiled.  
"No, honey." Mrs. Quagmire said, "You don't. You faint at the sight of your own finger getting a paper cut."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes."

Mr. Quagmire sighed. He kissed his wife on the forehead and went outside.

He sat in the corridor, looking very nervous. A lot of thought went through his mind. Every now and then he tried to listen through the door, in case something weird was going on in there.

"Quagmire?"

He turned around. In front of him stood someone he recogonized very well, together with a woman who held a little girl.

"Bertrand Baudelaire. It was a long time ago."

The two men shared a hug. Mr. Quagmire then hugged the woman.

"And Beatrice, how wonderful to see you."

Then, he turned to the little girl in Beatrice's arms. "And little Violet, you have gotten so big! So, what brings the Baudelaire family here?"  
"Shall we tell him?" Bertrand asked. Beatrice nodded.  
"We are having another baby!" she announced, "We're on the first checkup today."  
"That's wonderful news! A baby! And little Violet is going to be a big sister!"

Violet seemed like she didn't understand what the strange man was saying, and started to chew on her mothers necklace.

"What about you?" Bertrand asked, "What are you doing here this fine day?"

Suddenly, a nurse opened the door. "Mr. Quagmire? It's time. The first baby is here any minute now."

He had never gotten so fast into a room like he did on this day.

"Any time now." the doctor announced, "We just have to-"

Suddenly, a large scream was echoing in the room, and probably in the whole building.

"It's a boy!"

Mr. Quagmire didn't know how to react. He was overwhelmed by the scream, and the sight of a small, bloody human that was carried across the room. The baby quickly got wrapped into a blanket and the nurse walked with it to him.

"Congratulations." she said, "Say hi to your first child."

She handed the baby over to him. He looked at it. The tiny little thing. It looked so confused, so innocent and so... beautiful. He walked over to his wife.

"We have a son!" he cried.

She glanced at the baby, looking very dizzy. "That's my little boy?"  
"Yes!"  
"There's more babies coming!" the doctor announced.  
"What should we name him?" Mr. Quagmire asked. "Or, maybe we should wait-"  
"Quiglefort."  
"What?"  
"Let's name the boy Quiglefort." Mrs. Quagmire said sternly.  
"Uh... oh, alright! Little Quiglefort Quagmire!"

Mrs. Quagmire suddenly bursted out laughing.

"I'm only joking!" she said, "I think 'Quigley' is fine."

Her husband looked her in the eyes.

"Honey... I have already signed the birth certificate."  
"Wait, what? Already? How the _fuck _can you sign them so quickly-"

They were met by another baby scream.

"Baby number two!" the doctor announced. "It's-"

They didn't hear what the doctor said after that. They were so overwhelmed by the first child, and now it was time for the second one. They needed a moment to take a breath. Mr. Quagmire gave Quiglefort to a nurse, while another nurse handed him the new baby.

"Thanks... hey, was it a boy or a girl? I... didn't quite hear."

The nurse shrugged. "It looks identical to the previous baby, so it must be another boy."

Mr. Quagmire looked down at the new baby. "Welcome to the world, my child. I think we will wait a little longer with giving you a name... I was a little too fast with your brother. Have you missed him? He's over there."

The little baby in his arms had closed eyes and just made gurgling noises.

"Yeah." the baby's father said. "You must be really tired."

Suddenly, another scream echoed through the halls.

"That was the last one!" the doctor announced. "Another boy!"

"We got triplets." Mr. Quagmire said.  
"We got triplets." Mrs. Quagmire giggled.

Later on, Mr. Quagmire met the Baudelaire family out where the newborn babies are shown.

"Congratulations." Bertrand said, "How does it feel to be a dad?"  
"Wonderful. And to be a father of triplets... it's something special."

Beatrice held Violet up.

"Look, Violet. There's babies in there. That's how the baby in mommy's belly is going to look like when it comes out."  
"Baby." Violet shrieked. She didn't really understand the meaning of this.

This was the first time the triplets met Violet Baudelaire. Maybe not a great first meeting - The Quagmires were sleeping, crying and had soiled diapers. So, not at the greatest time in their lives. One positive thing is that none of the Quagmires, or Violet remembered this at all.

Violet, and her brother Klaus, was some people the Quagmires would meet several times more in their lives.

But the latest time they met, it felt like it was the last time.


	2. Triplets can speak telepathically

For an insanely long time, the Quagmires had walked the desert. They were tired, sweaty and very thirsty.

"For how long have we walked?" Duncan asked.  
"Atleast all night." Isadora concluded. "We didn't dare to stop, since Olaf may chase us, remember?"  
"I can't see the Baudelaires anymore." Quigley said sadly.

The three Quagmires recently rescued their friends from Count Olaf's clutches, by letting them fly away in a hot air mobile home with a kind man named Hector. Sadly, they weren't lucky enough to be on it too, before they had to escape. Everything they wanted now was just some bread and maybe a glass of water. It didn't matter if the water was lukewarm and yucky, as long as it was water.

"Last chance." Isadora said.  
"Last chance for what?" Duncan asked.  
"Last chance." Isadora repeated. She pointed at a store in front of them.

On the store, it said with big white letters "Last chance store"

"Wow, such a happy store." Quigley said, "Shall we go in?"  
"We have nowhere else to go." Isadora shrugged.

In the store, they were met by a very eager man.

"Three children! All alone! Out here!"  
"Why! Are we! Talking like this!" Isadora said.  
"Sorry! I am not used to customers! Are you children hungry?"  
"Yes." Quigley said.  
"Since you are children, I conclude you have run away from home. Therefore, you need food and water. And I want to give you that for free."  
"That's suspicious." Duncan said, "But we _are_ very thirsty and hungry."

The storesman laughed. "Actually, I just have leftovers I don't want to eat, so I give them to the first customer."

Quigley smiled. "Well, maybe running away was something fortunate after all."

After eating some leftover sandwhiches and drinking lots of water, the triplets noticed a telegraph machine down the isle.

"Maybe we could sent a telegram to Mr. Poe." Isadora suggested.  
"Does anyone here know anything about telegrams?" Quigley asked.  
"No?"   
"Also, why would we send something ever to mr. Poe?" Duncan asked. His siblings shrugged, and nodded as they realised it would be a bad idea.

Suddenly, another man went inside the store.

"Lou!" said the storesman. "What's up?"  
"I just got the daily punctulio!" Lou said. "A bunch of murderers are nearby!"  
"What? Read it out loud!"

Lou opened the newspaper.

"It says the Quagmire triplets are loose. They are identical triplets named Quinton, Isac and Daniel."  
"Oh fuck." Quigley whispered. "Nobody has called me 'Quinton' since that boy in the playground when I was five, who didn't believe my name was actually Quigley."  
"Nobody has called me 'Isac' since that daycare teacher when I was three." Isadora sighed.  
"Nobody has ever called me Daniel." Duncan said, "Like, ever."

Lou turned around to them. "It's them! Look!"

The storesman glanced at the newspaper. Then looked at the triplets.

"What the heck. I served food to murderers."  
"We're... gonna go now." Isadora said.

Then, the three Quagmire children ran outside the store.

"Thanks for the food and water!" Duncan yelled while running.

They could hear Lou and the storesman run after them, so they had to dash of fast. Luckily, there was a van nearby.

"Do you think they will help us?" Quigley asked.  
"Worth a try." Isadora shrugged.

As soon as they arrived at the van, it opened.

"Hello!" a weirdly happy woman said. "Are you volunteers?"

The triplets looked at each other. "Yes."

The woman, and everyone else in the van cheered.

"Yay! Come on aboard!"

It was an interesting van trip to say the least. Apparently, these people were a bunch of hippies who wanted to sing for sick people at the hospital. A long time ago, the triplets mother told them she was once out with them for a walk when they were little babies. As the triplets just had fell asleep in the stroller, a bunch of hippies walked by. Their mother had explained in detail how the hippies thought it was so "funky" that she had triplets, and she could tell the hippies had taken some kind of drugs. The moral of that story was unclear. The Quagmire triplets just randomly remembered it now.

"We gotta practice our song!" the driver said. Everyone cheered.

Without the Quagmires proccesing what they just said, someone started to sing.

"_We are volunteers fighting disease and we're cheerful all day long! _  
If someone said that we were sad that person would be wrong!   
Tra-la-la, fee-dee-lee-dee, hope you get well soon!   
Ho ho ho, hee hee hee, have a heart shaped balloon!"

"Oh fuck." Quigley groaned.   
"What are you swearing about?" Isadora asked, "This song is awesome!"

It was unclear if she was sarcastic or not, because she and Duncan started to sing with them. Quigley just buried his head into his knees and hoped the ride to the hospital was short.

Hemlich hospital. It was a large building who seemed to be very unfinished. The right side of the building wasn't even there - it was just a tower of bricks and planks and whatever else they had on a tower that later was going to be a complete building.

"Come on!" a volunteer cheered. "Let's sing!"

They walked inside the hospital, and looked around. It looked like any normal hospital, really. The triplets didn't know what they were expecting, excactly. They just followed this random hippies, simply because they wanted to escape from a storesman and his friend. And Count Olaf. And the world. So if that meant they had to sing to sick people, even if those people probably won't appreciate it very much.

"Take a balloon." a volunteer said to the triplets, "And sing after us!"

She handed them three heart shaped balloons, one for each of them. And before the Quagmires could react, the volunteers fighting disease started to sing the same annoying song they sang all the way to the hospital. However, this time, none of the children wanted to sing, and just mimicked the words so it looked like they sang.

After walking around singing the generic song for half an hour, Quigley suddenly stopped.

"Guys." he said, "What does that sign say?"  
"Library of records?" Duncan said.  
"Can we go there?" Quigley asked. "It looks... interesting."

His siblings shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" Isadora said.

They snuck from the singing hippie group and walked up to the sign, who was hanging above a large door.

"The door seems to be locked." Isadora said.  
"Excuse me?"

The Quagmire triplets turned around and saw a man with small glasses, while he still seemed to be squinting, like he couldn't see that well even with the glasses on.

"Uhm, hello." Quigley said, "We are... volunteers."  
"Oh, volunteers to help me in the library of records?" the man asked.  
"Yes!"

The man smiled. "I'm Hal, and the library of records is my greatest work in life. I'm happy to have some volunteers. You must be just like me. Sorting papers instead of singing repetetive songs to patients. Now, let's go in there."

He took out a key and unlocked the large door.

Inside was just an endless labyrinth of lockers and piles and piles of files.

"Welcome!" Hal said, "It's really easy to do the work here. Look, I'll show you!"

He grabbed a file lying on the desk.

"Now, this file says 'weather' and is about the weather report last week. I can put it under 'w' for weather, 'r' for report or 'l' for last week."  
"Aren't you going to look at it more?" Duncan asked.  
"Absolutely not!" Hal exclaimed, "We sort the files, not read them!"  
"How fun." Isadora sighed.  
"I know, right?" Hal said. "I knew you'd understand. You're just like me."

The triplets smiled slightly. They didn't agree with Hal that much, but he was a nice man.

After just hanging around in the library of records for a while, the triplets got startled as more files without warning slided down a drain and landed perfectly on the table.

"Ah." Hal said, and lifted up a file. "This is called 'Snicket'. We store those in a very special place."

The Quagmire children looked up. Without saying anything, Hal sneaked away, as if he didn't want to tell the children where he would put it. He didn't know though, that he had invited the Quagmire triplets into the room, and they knew excactly how to split up to see if any of them could catch up with the person they were following.

Hal walked to the end of the library, and brought out a key, which honestly looked like any key in the world. There, he opened a locker and put the file inside. He didn't know the Quagmire triplets were crowding behind him, seeing everything.

Suddenly, Quigley bumped into him, making him drop his keys.

"Oh, i'm sorry!" he said.   
"No worries." Hal said and smiled. "Where's my keys?"  
"Here they are!" Isadora said, and put them in his pocket.  
"Thank you, dear. Now, let's-"

Before he could continue, speakers in the building were turned on. It was a woman's voice.

"Hello, due to budget cuts we will close down areas for the day. The administration office will close down in 30 minutes, the cafeteria in 10 minutes, and the library of records right now."

The library got very dark. Hal sighed.

"Oh well. I'm happy you're here. I'm going to file you under 'm', for My friends."

With a smile, he walked out from the library.

As soon as Hal closed the door, the triplets turned around.

"Did you get it?" Duncan asked.  
"Yep." Isadora said proudly. In her right hand, she held Hal's keys.

Quigley shook his head. "How did you even make a fake one in such a short time?"  
"I didn't." Isadora shrugged, "I just put some rings i found in Hal's pocket."  
"How can we even teamwork like this?" Duncan asked, "I mean, without even talking? We just know what to do?"  
"It's simple, Duncan." Isadora said. "Triplets can speak telepathically. Everyone knows that."


	3. Run for your lives!

"Which key is the one to the locker with the Snicket file?" Quigley asked eagerly.  
"Wow, are you in love with Snicket or something?" Isadora smirked. "And for your information, it's a lot of keys so it's hard."  
"Don't play Willy Wonka with me. Put the right key into the lock before an accident occurs!"  
"Quigley, everyone knows what happened to those children weren't accidents."

Quigley frowned. Isadora continued to try different keys into the lock. Until, finally...

"There!"

She opened the locker and looked through the files.

"Snicket...Snicket... there we go! Snicket!"  
"It appears to be some tape?" Duncan suggested. "I saw a film player further down the isle."  
"Then let's go there!" Quigley said.

"I wish we could see movies more often." Isadora sighed.  
"Well." Quigley said, as he tried to get the movie rolling. "We haven't exactly had an oppurtunity for a while."  
"Schh!" Duncan hushed, "The tape is starting!"

All three of them sat quietly as the tape showed a badly lit up room, and a table. The one recording seemed to be asking questions to a man who sat on a chair. The children recogonized him.

"Jacques?" Quigley said.

_"So, what do you know?" _the recorder asked.  
_"I know many things." _Jacques said, _"What is it you require to hear?"  
"What do you know about the fire?"_

The triplets leaned closer to the screen.

_"My associates and I have found something very interesting." _Jacques said, _"There may be a survivor of the fire."_

Before the Quagmires could react properly, someone was blocking the screen.

"I love movies! Who wants popcorn?"

They however did not realise who it was, and just groaned.

"Move to the side, we're trying to watch something here."

The person blocking them stomped her feet. The triplets looked up, and gasped.

"E-E..." Duncan stuttered.  
"That's right! It's Esmé Gigi Genevive Squalor, at your service!"

Slowly, the children took out the tape and backed nervously.

"What do you have there?" Esmé asked, while walking up to them.  
"P-Property of... VFD." Duncan said, as he read what it stood on the cover.

Esmé looked like she was about to scream.

"I knew you were after it!"

This was the cue for the triplets to run for their lives.

Quigley ran faster than his siblings, as if he was going to die if didn't continue to run.

"You can't run from me!" Esmé yelled.   
"Yes, we can!" Isadora said and ran further away.  
"Don't encourage her!" Duncan said. It was not clear who he said it to. Though, in this situation, it could be both Esmé and Isadora he said it to.

Esmé tilted a locker over, making it tip over another one, and an entire row of records fell like dominoes.

"How the fuck can she just tip them over like that?" Quigley asked.  
"The power of anger can lead you to have strenght powers." Duncan said.  
"More like the power of pms." Isadora said, and was met with a confused look by her brothers. "What? It's okay when _I _say it!"  
"Is it?" Duncan asked. He was genuinely asking, but Isadora didn't take it as such.  
"Ok, just because-"

Isadora couldn't say anymore, because she was almost hit with a sharp heel who Esmé threw at them.

"What the fuck, woman!" she exclaimed.

Quigley pointed at a chute further away, which was used for throwing away uneccesary files or something. However, he was planning to use it as a way to escape the room, and his siblings thought the same.

Quickly as heck, they were over there and started to climb in. Quigley climbed in first, and gave the tape to Isadora to hold so he would not drop it. Duncan climbed in after him. Isadora was just about to climb inside, when suddenly she moved away.

"What the fuck!" she exclaimed.  
"What?" Quigley asked, "What's wrong-"

Suddenly, a locker fell right on the chute. Isadora desperately tried to lift it, but was unsuccessfull.

"Hey." Isadora said and took out the tape. "Take it. Esmé wants it."  
"But how will you get out?" Quigley asked, while taking the tape.

Isadora glanced at the emergency exit. "I'll figure it out. Hurry!"

Her brothers nodded and crawled backwards down the chute, while Isadora ran as a fast as she could towards the exit.

"You're all alone, Isadora." Esmé said. "How does it feel?"  
"I'm never alone, bitch." Isadora said, and ran towards the door.

She desperately tried to open it, but it didn't work.

"Amateur." Esmé said. "You have to push it, not pull."

Isadora rolled her eyes, and pushed.

But outside there was no freedom. Instead, Isadora was met by someone she knew too well dressed in a doctor's outfit.

"Hello, hello, hello." Count Olaf said.

Before Isadora could run, she was grabbed by him and dragged away.

"Hey, where did Isadora go?" Duncan asked. He and Quigley had crawled the vents for a while now.  
"Don't know." Quigley said, "I'm starting to get nervous."

They crawled to a vent opening and peeked through.

"Hey..." Duncan whispered, "Doesn't those two nurses look really similar?"

Outside, two nurses, both with very powdered white faces, walked hand in hand.

"This way." they said in unison. After them came something that would shock the Quagmire brothers to the core.

Following the white-faced women was Count Olaf and Esmé, holding a kicking and screaming Isadora.

"Let me go!" Isadora screamed, "I'll tell the whole hospital! I'll tell my brothers!"  
"Oh, we hope your brothers hear." Olaf giggled, "Then we have all three Quagmires in one spot."  
"Fuck." Quigley whispered.  
"You need to speak less." Esmé said. Then, she and Olaf held Isadora up against a wall while the bald man put a tape on her mouth.  
"Now nobody can hear you scream." Olaf said. "Not that anyone would care if they heard you. Screams are normal in hospitals."

Then, they dragged her away.

"Oh no." Duncan whispered, and could feel the tears forming.  
"Don't worry." Quigley assured him, "We're going to save her. I know we will."

Isadora was tied to a bed.  
"It's better this way." Olaf said, "You move too much."

Isadora wanted to spit on him. Or deeply insult him. But she had no strenght. Not when everyone around her was dangerous, cruel and against her. Everything she could say was:  
"What are you going to do to me?"

Olaf put out an anesthesia machine. "Sch... you won't feel a thing."

Olaf put it on Isadora against her will, and she felt herself get more and more tired. Against her will.

The last thing she heard before getting into slumber was the henchfolk talking.

_"Okay, get her ready."_   
_ "Are you sure it's the girl?"_   
_ "Do we have to take those overalls off?"_   
_ "They all look identical, we may have taken one of the boys..."_   
_ "I'm anxious."_


	4. Isadoras dream

_"I'm anxious."_

Isadora felt like someone played a harp in the backround. She was very confused. Everything in front of her was just a bright light. What happened?

The last thing she saw before closing her eyes was Olaf and his troupe watching her. She did feel very anxious, indeed. Something was wrong. She felt... naked. But that wouldn't make sense. Why would she be naked?

Suddenly, she felt the opposite. All dressed, warm and cozy.

"Isadora..."

The bright light got a blurry shadow. Someone was watching her.

"Isadora..."

Isadora squinted. Then she gasped.

"Violet?"  
"Yes, it's me."  
"Where am I?"  
"The sky."

Isadora glanced around. Indeed, she was lying on a cloud in the sky and Violet stood in front of her like some angel.

"Have I died?" Isadora asked.

Violet shrugged. "I don't know. It's your imagination."  
"Ok, so i'm just dreaming." Isadora sighed. "That's good. That means you haven't died either and just came to pick me up."  
"But maybe it feels like i'm dead." Violet said, "Because you believe you will never see me again."  
"Maybe that's so... I miss you very much, Violet."  
"I miss you too."

The girls exchanged a hug.

"Something is going on." Isadora said, "Olaf... he got me."  
"He hasn't got you here." Violet assured her. "You are safe here."  
"I hope so."

Suddenly, Violet smirked.

"Hey, Isa... do you want to fly?"  
"Depends on what you define as 'fly'." Isadora snickered.

Violet gave her a smile and floated upwards, while holding Isadora's hand, making her levitate too.

"Wow!" Isadora exclaimed, "I'm flying!"  
"You'll be dancing on air in no time." Violet said. "Dancing on air with glee."  
"Is that a reference to something?" Isadora asked.  
"Maybe. Again, this is your dream!"

Isadora nodded. This was her dream. If her dream was dancing on air with Violet, high up in the sky, then she should enjoy it to the fullest.

She grabbed Violet and they spun around in a circle. Faster and faster. Both of them giggled as they floated around in the sky, getting all more dizzy. Then, they landed on a cloud and lied there laughing.

"You know." Isadora said, "Watching clouds is different when you're already on a cloud."

Violet chuckled. "Yeah, we're _further sky-watching_."  
"What if we fly into space?" Isadora said.  
"We can try to fly as high as we can." Violet suggested, "If you want."  
"Hell yeah!"

Hand in hand, they started to float higher and higher up.

"It's getting darker." Isadora said.  
"Yeah." Violet nodded, "It's getting heavier to fly now."

Isadora felt how some kind of power tried to pull her down again, and it was harder to fly.

"I don't think we can fly much higher." she said, "But Violet? What if we like... _dive. _Straight down."  
"Not so straight." Violet said and smile. "But absolutely."

They managed to turn themselves upside-down.

"Ready?" Isadora said.  
"Set?" Violet said.  
"Go!" both of them screamed, and dashed down in a very fast speed.

It felt like only a few seconds. Both of the girls landed inside a giant fluffy cloud.

"Wow, that so fun!" Isadora giggled. "Violet? Where are you?"  
"Where are _you_? This cloud is a giant labyrinth."  
"Yeah, you have to crawl through aisles. Like those playgrounds when we were kids."  
"Wait."

Suddenly, Violet fell right next to Isadora.

"We could live here." she said, "It's cozy."  
"And safe." Isadora said.

The two girls cuddled together. They didn't talk more.

"Where are they?"

Isadora sat up.

"Violet, who was that?"

Violet looked like she was about to throw up.

"It sounded like Olaf." she whispered.

"It's the Quagmire murderers!" the voice yelled.  
"Oh no, it _is _him!" Isadora squeaked.  
"We need to hide!"

They crawled deeper into the cloud, thinking they could hide.

"I heard something!" Olaf yelled. The girls huddled together, hoping he wouldn't find them.

"This area is cramped." Violet whispered.  
"I know." Isadora whispered back, "But the more cramped it is, the harder it is for Olaf to find us."  
"I'm still _anxious_."  
"Don't worry, Violet. I'll protect you."

Suddenly, Olaf's head peaked through a cloud-wall.

"I found you!"

"Get away from us!" Isadora screamed. Then, she and Violet jumped out from the cloud.

While falling through the air, holding hands, they had a conversation.

"The only way to stop him is to kill him!" Violet said.  
"I know!" Isadora said, "But how?"

Violet bit her lip.

"You have to kill him!" she said.  
"Me?"  
"Yes! Kill him, and maybe we can see each other again!"  
"What?"

Violet suddenly let go of Isadora's hand.

"I love you!" she said, as she fell from the sky. Isadora was suddenly floating again and was unable to fall after her lover.  
"Violet!" Isadora screamed.  
"Kill him!" Violet yelled, "It's the only way! It's the only way! Kill!"

Isadora then saw bright lights in front of her, just as she saw in the beginning of this dream. She was starting to wake up. Why did she hear all these voices talking?

She was truly anxious.


	5. Brothers being doctors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Implications of Olaf being a fucking pedophile is mentioned. Read with caution.

Quigley and Duncan crawled through the vents and decided to get out in a dark room of some kind.

"I guess this is a closet." Quigley said, "Or a supplies room."  
"What are we doing here?" Duncan asked. "We need to follow Olaf to Isadora!"  
"We will."  
"What?"  
"Just let me find a light- here!"

Quigley found a light in the ceiling.

"Look, here's some doctors coats."  
"And what about that?" Duncan whispered.

His brother just stared at him.

"Wait." Duncan said, "Do you mean-"  
"Yes."  
"But _why?_"  
"Someone might recogonize us from the newspaper." Quigley explained, "And we don't want that to happen."  
"But... disguise ourselves... it's wrong!"  
"What choice do we have, Duncan?"

Later on, the two triplets slowly walked out of the supply closet. Both of them covered their mouths with masks, and combed their short hairs backwards. They hoped their early pubescent voices wouldn't be suspicious, or that their pimples and short height would be something people would think twice about.

"Now." Quigley said, "We are the Faustus brothers, two of four quadruplets."  
"Yes." Duncan giggled. He didn't giggle because he thought it was funny, but because he couldn't believe he was actually about to pretend to be someone else, like Count Olaf had done so many times.

Suddenly, the volunteers fighting disease came by.

"We visit people who are ill  
And try to make them laugh  
Even when the doctor says  
He must saw them in half"

They suddenly stopped to look at the two short doctors.

"Hey, have we seen you before?" one of them asked.

Quigley stretched his back and spoke in a very weird informative voice.

"We are the Faustus brothers. We are two of four quadruplets. Right, brother?"  
"Right!" Duncan said in the deepest voice he could. "We are doctors! We help patients all day long!"

The volunteers looked at them. Then they shrugged.

"Ok. We gotta continue singing. Have fun!"

They walked away from them again, and continued to sing.

"Well, that was actually a little fun." Duncan said, "I kinda get why Olaf wants to disguise himself all the time."  
"It's just like he said about you." Quigley said, "You are made for theatre."  
"Sp-speaking of Olaf..." Duncan whispered.

Quigley turned around. In the end of the corridor stood a man with a unibrow and a doctors coat. It had to be Count Olaf.

"What do we do?" Duncan asked, and felt his heart beating faster.  
"I want to run." Quigley said, "But... look, he has a clipboard. Can't we use that? Maybe Isadora's name is on it."  
"Worth a try." Duncan shrugged.

The boys ran up to Olaf.

"Uh, excuse me, doctor." Quigley said in his disguised voice.

Olaf looked at them and frowned. "What?"  
"Uh, you see, we have lost our clipboards of the patients." Duncan lied, "And we were wondering if we might use yours?"

Olaf glanced at them in silence for a while.

"You look a little young to be doctors."  
"We are grown short." Quigley said, "And very late bloomers."  
"I see."  
"Now, can we see your clipboard?" Duncan asked, becoming more nervous.

Olaf sighed. "Alright."

He held it up for two seconds, before putting it down again.

"That might help you. Well, I gotta go."

Then, he walked off.

Duncan sighed. "What are we doing now?"  
"Look at the clipboard, of course." Quigley said.  
"Wait, what?"

With a smug face, Quigley held up Olaf's clipboard.

"How did you even get that?" Duncan asked.  
"Olaf didn't really put it down properly. He doesn't notice for shit."  
"What if he does?"  
"Then I think we should run. Run back to the supplies room."

So they followed Quigleys suggestion and ran back to the supplies room. As they closed the door, Quigley put on the light in there and started to read the list.

"So?" Duncan asked after a while. "Did you find her?"  
"No." Quigley said. "I found nothing."

Duncan grabbed the list and looked through it.

"Maybe it's an anagram."  
"Who's Ana Gram?" Quigley asked.

Duncan gave his brother an annoyed look. He sighed.

"You know Al Funcoot? If you rearange the letters it becomes Count Olaf."  
"It does?"  
"Yes, try it."

Quigley grabbed a pencil and wrote "Al funcoot" on the side of the list. Slowly, he rearanged the letters, and gasped.

"Oh."  
"Yes."  
"So you're saying Isadora's name is written as an anagram too?"  
"Yes."

Quigley looked around the list. "But there's a bunch of names here! Where would she possibly be?"  
"Try every name with 15 letters in it." Duncan shrugged.

Both Quigley and Duncan started to search the list.

"What about 'Audra Miqasogrie'?" Quigley suggested.  
"Worth a try." Duncan said. "I can barely pronounce it. I don't even think the author can pronounce it. It's very likely that's the anagram."

They wrote the name up on the side.

"Let's see." Quigley mumbled. "There's an I... and an s, yes. A, d, o, r, a... Yeah, it spells 'Isadora' atleast."  
"That's good news." Duncan said. "Now, can you spell 'Quagmire' with the remaining letters?"

Quigley tried it. After a minute, he looked up. "Yes. I can. Look. The remaining letters are u, r, m, q, a, g, i and e. If you mix them, you get Quagmire!"

Duncan clapped his hands. "Well done, Quigley!"

Whenever Duncan was under stress, he had a thing for trying to act like he was smarter than his siblings. It was like a revenge for all the times his siblings acted like they were smarter than him (mostly because he was some minutes younger than them).

Without hesitation, the boys ran out of the supplies room.

"Which room was she in again?" Duncan asked.  
"9-17." Quigley said, running.

As they reached 9-17, they got stopped. The one stopping them was someone the boys knew all too well.

"Where are you doctors off too?" Esmé Squalor asked.  
"We're supposed to see the patient that's in this room." Duncan said.  
"Oh, her! She has been moved to the surgery room! You're just in time to opperate."  
"Who said we were operating her?" Quigley asked.  
"Mattathias Medical School."

The boys gulped. They knew that only one person would have such a weird name. _Olaf._

"Now, come along." Esmé giggled.

She lead them to the surgery room. Inside was a bunch of people sitting around a circle. In the middle of the room was an operation bed. On it, was a sleeping Isadora.

"I hope she's dreaming of something pleasant." Duncan whispered.

Suddenly, a light was on them.

"Ladies and gentlemen! I, Mattathias Medical School, is going to perform the first craniectomy on a teenage girl. I think it's a girl, atleast."

Duncan and Quigley froze. Count Olaf walked towards them.

"Helping me today is the Faustus twins!"

Duncan wanted to correct him by saying it was actually two of the four Faustus Quadruplets, but he shut his mouth.

"So." Olaf said, "Fellow doctos, blood fans and just random psycopaths... are you ready for an operation?"

A wave of cheers echoed through the audience.

"Now." Olaf says, "Faustus twins, after you."  
"Wait." Quigley said. "Before we start the operation, we have to go through what tools we have to use."  
"I'm sure we don't need to do that." Olaf said.  
"Any real doctor would do that." Duncan said. "And we are real doctors."

Olaf frowned as Quigley started to explain a knife to the audience.

"This is a knife. There's different kinds of knives in the world..."

While Quigley was informing the audience about knives, Duncan accidentally dropped something from his pocket, which Esmé noticed.

"What's that?" she asked.  
"S-something." Duncan whispered, and but it back into his pocket.  
"May I see it?" Esmé whispered.  
"No, it's private."  
"Why would a real doctor have private things with him on operations?"

Duncan gulped. He shook his head. Esmé however, against Duncan's will, brought out the Snicket file he had in his pocket.

"This isn't the sugar bowl." she growled. "But wait- it does say this is property of VFD. I need to watch it. Goodbye!"

Just as that, Esmé dashed off.

"Why did the nurse run off?" someone in the audience asked.  
"Stop explaining knives!" another one said, "I want to see blood!"  
"Yes." Olaf said, "Come on, doctors. Let's start the operation!"  
"Yes, well..." Quigley said. He backed towards the anasthesia machine and slowly turned it off.

When Olaf noticed Isadora was starting to wake up, he growled.

"People! This isn't real doctors! This is the Quagmire murderers in disguise!"

A series of gasps was heard around the room.

"He's Count Olaf!" Duncan protested.  
"I read in the daily punctulio and it said Olaf was dead!" someone said.  
"I work for the daily punctulio and our facts are always correct!" a woman named Geraldine Julienne yelled. She was actually the real villian in all of this, but it's never mentioned.

And then, Hal stepped forward.

"I believe Mattathias! The children destroyed my library!"  
"No, it was Esmé!" Quigley yelled.

Suddenly, Olaf turned around to talk in a walkie talkie.

"Hi... what? A survivor? Huh? Oh! Oh... yes, i'll be wrapping up."

He turned around to the crowd again.

"Listen everyone! There's a fire at heimlich hospital, started by the Quagmire murderers! Evacuate the building quickly and arrest those murderers!"  
"How can we start a fire when we are right here?" Quigley asked. But he couldn't get any answer before people started to crowd to get them.

"Guys..." Isadora said, squinting. "What's going on? I'm hungry."  
"Isadora..." Quigley said slowly. "We gotta run."

He and Duncan grabbed the operation bed Isadora was on and dashed to the door out.

Everyone was chasing them. Not only Olaf and some of his henchmen, but also some volunteers fighting disease, aswell as Geraldine and Hector.

"You can't run forever, Quagmires!" Olaf yelled.  
"We should kill Olaf." Isadora mumbled while lying on her bed.

"Here!" Duncan screamed, and pointed at the supplies room. They dashed in there, and made sure to lock the door and put a broom on it to have it properly locked.

The three triplets took deep breaths.

"Isadora, how are you feeling?" Quigley asked.  
"Fine." Isadora yawned. "I have a big headache and... I don't know where I am right now?"  
"Did Olaf do anything to you?" Duncan asked.  
"Not that I remember..."

Slowly, Isadora tried to sit up.

"Olaf didn't undress me and put me in some patient clothes, right?"

Her brothers didn't answer. They just stared at her, uncomfortably. Isadora looked down, and realised she was wearing nothing but an operation dress. Her overalls, and shirt underneath, was gone. She was starting to feel uncomfortable aswell.

"We need to get out of here." Duncan said.  
"I think we should kill Olaf." Isadora said again, "that's what Violet would want me to do."  
"I don't know how high it is." Quigley said, ignoring his sister, "But I have a plan. We jump out, and hold onto every window we come across to ease the fall."  
"That's a terrible plan." Duncan said. "Let's do it."

The two boys lifted Isadora up, was she was in no condition to really stand. Holding each other hard, they jumped out from the window.

Quigley's plan didn't really work very well, but at the same time, it did? The Quagmires were only on floor 3 or 2, which made the fall not be very long, but still high up. Grabbing the windows with their sweaty hands didn't work super well, but it somehow eased the fall slightly. Also, they landed in a bush, which also eased the fall.

"Where do we go, now?" Duncan asked.

The glanced at a car further away. Count Olaf and Esmé was outside, waiting for the henchmen.

"We have to follow them." Quigley said.  
"No, I don't want to follow him." Duncan sqeaked.  
"I want to kill him." Isadora said, "And if I want to kill him, I have to follow him."

Her brothers exchanged a look.

"What other choices do we have?" Duncan asked.  
"Wander into the hinterlands again?" Quigley suggested, "Where maybe someone who thinks we are murderers will chase us?"

Duncan sighed. "Ok. But only because I kinda want to know about the survivor of the fire."

Slowly, Duncan and Quigley, holding Isadora on their shoulders, snuck up to Olaf's car. They crawled down as the hook-handed man closed the trunk to sit in the car.

That's when their chance came. The hook-handed man had actually not closed the trunk enough, which made a perfect oppurtunity for them to crawl inside.

While in the trunk, they huddled together as they didn't know what to do next.

And then, Isadora fell asleep. Soon enough, her brothers did the same.


	6. Children at the carnival

There was a carnival in town, and all the children begged their parents to go. The Quagmire triplets was one of them. Which child wouldn't want to go to a park where there was roller coasters and expensive candy? Sure, there are kids out there who doesn't like to ride roller coasters, or any other rides, but those kids are just weird. Or perhaps got some boring influences who convinced them to not enjoy amusement parks.

"Alright, children." their mother said, "Before you go, promise me you stick together."

The Quagmire triplets jumped up and down, too excited to really listen.

"Chipmunks!" their father said. Whenever the triplets were too excited, their father called them chipmunks, because they sounded like a group of chipmunks screaming.  
"Ok! We will stick together!" Quigley complained, "But me and Isadora want to go to the ghost house, and Duncan is too scared."  
"I am not!" Duncan protested.  
"Yes you are." Isadora giggled.

Their mother sighed. "Just promise me you stick together. It's important."

The children nodded and ran off.

I will say that this isn't a story where the Quagmire triplets separate. They actually stuck together all afternoon at the carnival. But, other things happened to them that I may tell you about.

They ran towards the roller coaster.

"Aw, man!" Quigley pouted, "The line is too long!"  
"Let's ride that thing where you get lifted into the air!" Isadora said, "And then drop you!"  
"That sounds very unsafe." Duncan said.  
"That's what makes it so fun!" Isadora cheered.

She started to run towards the said ride, and her brothers had to run after. They weren't supposed to separate, after all.

"Isadora, wait!"

Suddenly, her brothers bumped into her, as she got stopped by a guard.

"Sorry kid." he said, "You need to be 12 years old to ride this."  
"What does age have to do with if we should ride?"  
"Because of safety." the guard said and rolled his eyes.  
"But how do you know we aren't just short 12-year olds?"  
"I notice." the guard said.  
"But what if there are really short 12-year olds here right now? Do you believe them?"

The guard just sighed. "Go away now, children."

The triplets stuck out their tounge at him and walked away with angry steps.

Later on, the triplets had ridden several other rides. But they still hadn't gotten the chance to ride the roller coaster. They had just got out of the ghost house, which had Duncan almost cry, so his siblings tried to desperately make him happy to not get yelled at by their parents.

"Don't worry, Duncan." Quigley said, "It was only stupid adults dressed in costumes."  
"And besides, I think we can ride the coaster now." Isadora said.

They ran up to the roller coaster, and to their delight, it was barely no line to it. Happy, they ran up to it.

"How many are riding?" asked the guard at the roller coaster.  
"Three!" the triplets said in unison, giving the guard a smile.  
"Alright. You know that means one of you needs to sit alone, right?"  
"Yep!" the triplets said. They had planned this. They were going to ride the coaster three times, and every time one person had to sit alone.

They rode the coaster three times, and enjoyed it just as much every time. They wanted to ride it a fourth time, but they knew their system of one sitting alone would be unfair then, because one person had to sit alone a second time.

"My favorite part of the roller coaster was the first drop!" Isadora giggled.  
"I liked everything." Duncan admitted, "It made me forget the ghost house."

Quigley and Isadora smiled.

Suddenly, they heard someone scream.

"Duncan, what's wrong now?" Quigley asked.  
"I didn't make that sound." Duncan said. "It... it came from over there."

The triplets ran over to a tree, where Duncan thought the sound came from.

Behind the tree sat a girl, not much younger than the Quagmires.

"Was it you who screamed?" Isadora asked.

The girl just panted. Then she started to cry and nodded like her life depended on it.

"Hey..." Quigley said, "Who has made you so sad?"  
"Th-th-the ballerinas." the girl wailed.  
"Ballerinas?" Isadora asked.  
"Y-yes..."

The girl took some deep breaths and tried to talk.

"A bunch of ballerinas followed me as I was taking a walk in the park... they tried to make me fall through a pit they dug..."  
"Why would they do that?" Duncan asked.  
"Because they... I don't know! I want my mommy!"

The triplets exchanged looks, and shared a nod.

"Would you like to ride the roller coaster with us?" Quigley asked.

The girl lit up. "Can I?"  
"Yes." Isadora said, "Maybe then, you can forget about the scary ballerinas."

They took her hands and led her towards the roller coaster.

After riding the roller coaster again, the girl sitting next to Isadora while Duncan and Quigley sat behind them, the girl seemed to be much happier. This is when the triplets parents came.

"Hi, chipmunks. Ready to go?"  
"First, we need help." Duncan explained. "You see this girl?"  
"She says ballerinas were chasing her in the park." Isadora said.

The Quagmire parents exchanged looks.   
"Oh dear." said mrs. Quagmire. She bent down to the girl. "Where are your parents?"  
"At home." the girl sniffed, "I was only taking out the trash, when ballerinas started to chase me and I ran through the park..."  
"What's their phone number?"

The girl told them. This took place at a time when children knew their parents phone number, or in these cases, the house's phone number. Mrs. Quagmire went to the nearest phone booth and called them.

"Hello? Is this- yes, it's excactly why i'm calling. She claims to been chased by ballerinas and ended up here at the carnival. Yes. Oh. Oh... well, I was almost taken by the ballerinas as a child too, but I later got taken by my fathers cousin. I understand, same here. We will send her home immidiately. She is fine now, my children rode the roller coaster with her. We will. Thank you."

"Mom?" Quigley asked, "What was that about your fathers cousin?"  
"Nothing you need to worry about, dear. Now, we need to send this girl home to her parents."

The Quagmire parents gave the girl a ride to her home, which was only five minutes away from the carnival. Her parents were thrilled to see her home, and warned both her and the Quagmire triplets about ballerinas in the dark. What the Quagmire triplets didn't know was that they had saved a girl from getting kidnapped this night.

But I advise you, dear reader, to not trust any ballerina in the dark, or in the park, or things can turn out really, really unfortunate.


	7. The triplets become freaks

Quigley was the first one to wake up.

"Guys..." he said, looking around the area. "How long have we slept?"  
"Schh..." Isadora shushed, while squinting around her. "Don't know. But the car is still moving."

Suddenly, they heard Olaf's voice.

"We're there soon." Olaf said, "Let's hope Madame Lulu can answer this."  
"She has been right before." the hook-handed man said.   
"I don't trust her." Esmé groaned, "It feels like she's trying to steal you from me."  
"Why would she steal me from you?" Olaf frowned, "I think she's more into you, if i'm being honest."

After a while, the car stopped, and the triplets could hear doors slam as they walked out.

"Do we need something from the trunk?" someone asked. The Quagmire triplets shivered.  
"No!" Olaf said, "Not now, atleast. Come on!"

The triplets started to calm down.

"Do you think we can climb out?" Duncan whispered, rubbing his eyes.  
"Yeah..." Isadora said. "Let's go."

They slowly opened the trunk, and looked around to make sure no one could see them sneak out. No one was in sight, and they took their chance.

"What do we do now?" Duncan asked.  
"We run the fuck out of here?" Isadora said.  
"But..." Quigley said, "I want to know what Olaf's doing here."

Isadora gave Quigley a look. Then she sighed.

"Alright. But quick. I wanna leave."

They ran to the back of the tent where Olaf and his henchfolk had walked into. They were supposed to sneak, but Quigley dashed before them so all three ran instead. Quigley had started to run more than just walk, or sneak, during the last few days.

"Now." they heard Olaf say from inside the tent, "You know why we are here."  
"Of course." an unfamiliar voice said, "You are here to ask the location of the Quagmire triplets!"

The triplets gasped. They had to continue to listen now.

"Today, madame Lulu, we have another question." Olaf explained.  
"Oh, I had a feeling about that." the voice, who the triplets guessed was madame Lulu said.  
"Yes..." Esmé said, "Now, can you ask the question, Olaf. So we can go?"  
"Esmé, you are always so charming." Madame Lulu said. "Let's hear your question, my Olaf."

There was a silence for a while. Then, Olaf spoke in a low voice.

"Is there a survivor of the Quagmire fire?"

Silence. Nothing but silence. The eavesdropping Quagmire triplets felt the tension. Everyone inside the tent felt the tension.

"The chrystal ball has answered." Madame Lulu said.  
"And..." Olaf said.  
"You'll get your answer tomorrow."

The sound of a fist smashing a table was heard very loudly.

"What are we supposed to do until tomorrow?" Olaf complained.  
"You can help around the carnival." Madame Lulu said, "Caligari Carnival hasn't gotten a lot of visitors for a while. Maybe you can put on a show."

Outside, the triplets were talking.

"No answers!" Quigley said, "I want answers!"   
"Us too." Isadora sighed, "But what are we supposed to do?"  
"We gotta stay here." Quigley said. "We need to know if we have a parent alive."

Duncan groaned, "Can't we just go? Far, far from here?"  
"Duncan! Do you want to know the answer?"  
"Yes, but-"  
"Then, we stay!"

Isadora rolled her eyes. "You know Olaf will recogonize us, right? Besides, i'm freezing. You guys forget i'm only wearing a hospital dress."  
"Then we just have to disguise ourselves." Quigley shrugged.

His siblings looked at him.

"I'm serious, guys."  
"I don't know, Quigs." Duncan said.  
"No, I have a perfect plan!" Quigley said, "Come on! Isadora, do you want to freeze?"  
"No." Isadora said, "But I don't think I want disguise myself either. He might know it's us anyway."  
"Just come on! I... I have a plan, ok!"

Quigleys siblings followed him. They had nothing to loose, even if they really just wanted to piss off from Olaf and everyone.

"Ok." Quigley said and pulled out clothes from Olafs trunk. "You two... will be siamese twins."  
"Why?" Duncan asked.  
"Because I say so! Just tie together these two really long shirts!"  
"Why does Olaf have giant shirts-" Isadora asked.  
"Hurry, get it on!"

Duncan and Isadora did as their brother said. Ever since they were children, Quigley always had the craziest ideas, and they just did what he said. Mostly because they hadn't much to say about it. The Quagmire triplets were always up for some chaos.  
Even if this time, it didn't feel quite right.

"What are you going to be?" Duncan asked, as he tied the shirt together with Isadoras.  
"I'm going to be a half-wolf." Quigley said proudly, "My name will be Dylan the wolf child!"  
"Since when did he get so into acting?" Duncan asked.  
"Don't know." Isadora shrugged, "I thought that was your thing."

Quigley found a pair of scissor and cut a part of his sweater off. Then, he took a red marker and painted scars all around his body.  
"Do I look like a wolf yet?" he asked.  
"Yeah." Isadora said, "You are a full Wolfhard!"  
"Alright." Quigley said, "Now let's-"

"Hey! Whose there?"

The Quagmire triplets were met by a group of people who stared at them. One of them was Esmé Squalor, and one of them was a woman they never seen before.

"Who is here at caligari carnival, please?" the woman asked.  
"Madame Lulu, is that one of your freaks?" Esmé asked.

The Quagmire triplets stepped forward for them to see.

"No." Madame Lulu said, "Hello, who are you and why are you at Caligari Carnival, please?"

The triplets just stood there silently. Then, Quigley started to talk.

"Uh, I Dylan. Dylan the wolf child. Mama was human, papa was wolf. I am child."  
"I didn't know that was possible." said one of the white faced women.  
"I mean no harm." Quigley said. "I bite people if angry, but I mean no harm."  
"May I ask what that two-headed freak is?" Esmé asked.

Isadora and Duncan gulped.

"I'm... Beverly." Isadora said in a cockney accent. "This is mah' other head..."  
"Elliot!" Duncan said, although he was not as good with faking a cockney accent. He hoped no one would notice. He only said one word, after all.  
"Siamese twins!" the white faces women exclaimed.  
"You truly look like freaks." Olaf said, who had walked out with a glass of wine. "By the way, the trunk was open. Did someone forget to close it?"  
"Please." Madame Lulu said, "Do you freaks need help?"  
"We are quite fine." Duncan said, who most of all wanted to get away from Olaf and his gang.  
"I must please offer you a place to stay!" Madame Lulu said, "You deserve better than wandering the hinterlands!"  
"And maybe you can perform in the show tomorrow!" Olaf said, "I will be helping Madame Lulu to get some audience for the carnival."  
"Yes, we need some new freaks in freakshow, please." Madame Lulu said.  
"This is kind of you." Isadora said.  
"Yes, please. Now, wander of to the freaks caravan. I take no no's, please."

Without saying no, the Quagmires wandered off to the caravan Madame Lulu had pointed at. In there was three other people already, who seemed to be thrilled to have new friends.

"One of us!" they cheered, "One of us!"

The first one of them walked forward and took out both of his hands.

"Hello, i'm Kevin. And if you want to laugh, get it overwith."  
"Why would we laugh?" Duncan asked. "You're... you're handsome as... _frick_."  
"Even I think so." Isadora said.  
"Don't act like you don't notice." Kevin sighed, "Don't act like you don't want to say 'Look at Kevin the ambidextrous freak!"  
"But doesn't ambidextrous mean you're both right and left handed?" Isadora asked. "That's not very freakish."  
"Atleast you're better off than me." said the only girl of the three people. "I'm Colette, and i'm a contortionist."  
"What that mean?" Quigley asked in his disguise voice.  
"It means I can bend my body in all sorts of directions." Colette explained.  
"And then there's me." said the last person, "I'm Hugo and I have a hunchback."  
"You shouldn't be living as freaks." Duncan said.  
"But..." Colette said, "We _are _freaks."

That night, none of the triplets could sleep. Which was understandable, because they were lying in very uncomfortable positions. Especially Isadora and Duncan, who were forced to share a small hammock and trying to not fall out of it. They hoped that Madame Lulu would have the answers by morning, so they could get the hell out of there.

And they hoped they weren't going to be humiliated by being forced to perform in a show.


	8. Madame Olivia Caliban

The following day, the triplets were forced to perform in a freakshow. It was very humiliating for them, even if there was literally zero people in the audience.

While Kevin had to write his name with both his hands, Colette bend over in kind of innapropriate ways and Hugo try to put on a coat, the Quagmires had to do something more humiliating.

Isadora and Duncan, disguised as Beverly and Elliot, had to share a corn dog. It doesn't sound too bad, but consider they had to share it while being in a costume with two heads. It got kind of messy. Even if there was no one in the audience to see them, Olaf and his henchfolk were there to laugh and point at them.

With Quigley, disguised as Dylan the wolf child, they threw pieces of sticks at to see if he would do something with them. When Quigley didn't do anything, Olaf called out Esmé, who started to whip him with a large whip made of pasta. Being whipped with pasta doesn't hurt, but it does give you an uncomfortable feeling. Quigley after a while started to growl, and even threatened to bite Esmé, but this was only his siblings who secretly cheered at.

When the performance was over, all three of the Quagmire triplets wanted to get the hell out of there.

"Ok." Isadora said, "Quigley, I really hope that Lulu woman gives an answer today."  
"Me too." Quigley said, "I want to get the heck out of here too, now."

They walked outside where they heard Count Olaf talk with his gang.

"I swear." Esmé said, "We need to put a leash on that wolf boy. He would've bitten me!"  
"We have bigger worries, my pet." Olaf said, "There was zero people in the crowd today."  
"Yeah, what about it?"  
"Esmé, an audience is the most important thing in a performance. I need to perform in front of an audience, and I know how I can do it."  
"But Olaf, the question you asked Lulu yesterday?"

Olaf stopped his tracks. "It can wait. I need to suggest something to Madame Lulu."

As he walked away, the triplets looked as disappointed as could be. They had hoped Olaf would walk into the tent and get the answer, and then they would flee the area before he could. But no, now he suddenly had completely other thoughts.

"We gotta go in there." Quigley said, "And perhaps get the answers ourselves."  
"You know, that's actually a smart idea." Isadora said, and Duncan nodded.

As Olaf had dragged Madame Lulu outside the tent, the Quagmire triplets snuck in.

"Hope she's gone for long." Duncan said, "I want to have plenty of time."  
"Now, how does she know?" Isadora asked, "Olaf said he apparently asks her every time he tries to find us."  
"That fucking bitch." Quigley whispered.

They searched the room for a while.

"Hey, guys." Duncan said, "Look. The daily punctulio."  
"Oh no, that newspaper." Quigley groaned. "You know, i'm starting to think they are the actual villians in all of this."  
"We should burn it." Isadora said.  
"Look!" Duncan said, "Here's that crystal ball Madame Lulu mentioned."

They gathered around a round ball made of glass on a table.

"It looks fake." Isadora said.  
"Could you move it a little?" Quigley asked, "I want to see if there is anything else on the table."  
"Sure." Isadora said, and without hesitation threw the crystal ball on the floor.

It shattered into a million pieces.

"Isadora Avi Quagmire!" Duncan screamed. Then he calmed down and gave her a thumbs up. "I like your feralness."  
"We now know for sure it was fake." Isadora snorted.  
"But there wasn't even anything interesting on the table." Quigley sighed, "Waste of time."

Suddenly, they heard a voice coming from the tent.

"My crystal ball!"

The Quagmire triplets crouched to the ground, trying to hide.

"Madame Lulu can see you, you know."

They peeked up, and saw Madame Lulu staring at them.

"I sleepwalked." Quigley said in his disguise voice. "Terribly sorry."  
"It's ok, crystal ball break all the time." Madame Lulu explained. "Hey, doesn't your two heads sit together?"

Isadora and Duncan just looked paralyzed.

"Wait." Madame Lulu said, "You're.... you're the Quagmire triplets!"

The Quagmire triplets stood up.

"No, we're not." Duncan lied. Isadora pinched him.   
"Oh, you definetly are."  
"Don't tell anyone!" Quigley shrieked.

Madame Lulu looked around, as if to see if no one was around. Then, she sighed.

"I will not tell anyone."

Isadora frowned. "Your accent... it sounds fake. I just wanted to tell you that."  
"My accent _is_ fake." Madame Lulu whispered, "Because i'm not actually madame Lulu."

She removed her turban to reveal a long, flowing hair. Isadora made a little whistle.

"My name is Olivia Caliban and Madame Lulu is my alter ego."  
"Why are you helping Olaf?" Duncan asked.  
"Part of my disguise is giving people what they want. Olaf wanted to know where you were, so I told him, after I read the daily punctulio. I didn't know it would cause to much harm to you."  
"Well, it did." Isadora said, "Fuck you."  
"I deserve that." Olivia sighed. "But I promise you to not tell Olaf you're here."  
"You better not!" Duncan said.  
"So I guess you don't know if there is a survivor of the fire?" Quigley asked.

Olivia sighed. "No, i'm afraid not. That's why I have been let Olaf stay here, because i'm trying to figure it out."

The children gave her sad faces.

They couldn't talk much anymore, because they heard Olaf's car coming back.

"He was very fast." Olivia said. "Quick, disguise yourselves!"

The Quagmires disguised themselves and ran outside. To their suprise, Olaf and some of his henchmen dragged a bunch of angry lions towards them.

"People of caligari carnival!" Olaf cheered, "I have an announcement!"

Everyone gathered around him.

"Tomorrow morning, one of the freaks will be thrown to the lions in this very pit! Whoever it will be I will decide!"

People around him gasped and cheered. Olaf looked at Madame Lulu.

"Lulu, my henchfolk will drive around the hinterlands to commercialize this! We will have lots of audience by tomorrow!"

Madame Lulu, or Olivia Caliban, nodded and smiled. The Quagmires on the other hand looked very, very, terrified.


	9. A performance, a death and what the fuck else

The Quagmire triplets couldn't sleep that night. They were too anxious to think about getting thrown into a pit of lions. They thought it was weird how Hugo, Colette and Kevin seemed to be completely fine with this. They were somehow excited to maybe get thrown into a pit of lions. Why that was, the triplets were unable to explain. Perhaps their co-workers simply didn't feel like they had a reason to live. When the triplets thought that, they got even more sadder.

"Wake up!"

They woke up to see the bald man standing inside the wagon.

"The show's about to start, so you freaks better come on!"

Hugo, Colette and Kevin jumped out of their hammocks and immidiately ran outside, as if they woke up ready. Isadora and Duncan slowly moved up, and groaned. They tied together their shirts harder, and Quigley decided to paint an extra scar on his arm.

Then, the three Quagmire triplets walked to the big circus tent, where they noticed a lot of people already was sitting, and waiting. And in the middle of the room stood Count Olaf, smiling menacingly.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" Olaf called, "Welcome to Caligari Carnival!"

A wave of applause and cheers was heard in the audience. The Quagmire triplets felt very anxious.

"Today, one of these freaks" Olaf said and pointed at the freaks, "Will be thrown into this pit of starving lions!"  
"Oh, this is thrilling!" Hugo said, "Hope it's me!"  
"I will decide who will get thrown into the pit!" Olaf announced, "And I will reveal it soon!"

The audience started to talk loudly.

"I hope it's that man with the hooks!" said a woman.  
"Hey!" the hook-handed man protested, "I'm not a freak! I'm a normal man with hooks for hands!"  
"Oh, excuse me. Then maybe that man with acne over there."  
"I'm a visitor here! I just have some troubles with my skin!"

"Darling." Esmé said, "Maybe we should... you know, throw someone into the pit."  
"Fine." Olaf said.

He then started to shout.

"Dear audience, I have made up my mind about which freak will get thrown into the pits!"

The audience gasped and cheered.

"And the freak who will get thrown into the pit is..."

Everyone started to feel the tension building up.

"... our own two-headed freak, Beverly and Elliot!"

Isadora and Duncan slowly walked forward.

"Thank you." Isadora said in her disguised accent, "We're thrilled to be chosen."  
"You're welcome." Olaf frowned, "Now walk forward and jump into the pit!"

With the audience cheering, Duncan and Isadora, disguised as Beverly and Elliot, slowly walked forward.

"What do we do?" Duncan whispered.  
"I don't know." Isadora whispered back.  
"Stop whispering!" Olaf complained.

Isadora and Duncan turned aroun.

"My other head and I have been thinking." Duncan said, "And it would be much more fun if one of us got pushed into the pit."  
"Yes!" someone in the audience yelled, "Push them, Olaf!"  
"Oh, I can't." Olaf said, "I'm allergic to cats."  
"But what about madame Lulu?" Esmé suggested. "She can push them!"  
"Yes! Madame Lulu can push them!" Quigley said. His siblings gave him a questionable look, but Quigley nodded. He nodded both at them and at Madame Lulu.

Madame Lulu stepped forward and walked towards the two Quagmires in disguise.

"Alright." she said, "I'll do it."

The audience cheered.

"What do we do?" Isadora whispered to Madame Lulu, whose actual name was Olivia Caliban.

Olivia Caliban sighed. "I don't know. Just trust me."

With a big push, Isadora and Duncan fell into the pit.

Only that, they didn't land in the pit. They landed on the other side.

"Run!" Olivia said. Without hesitation, Isadora stood up, but almost fell because Duncan was slower at getting up.

But soon enough, the two triplets were running out, with Quigley running after them.

While running, they noticed Olivia Caliban smiling.

Before Esmé ran up and pushed her right down to the pit of starving lions.

And just like that, Olivia Caliban, or Madame Lulu, was gone.

The Quagmires were shocked. But they had to keep running. Atleast run back towards Madame Lulu's tent.

"Alright." Quigley said. "Why did we run to the tent?"  
"Didn't the author explain that?" Isadora asked, and stared into the air. "We're going to look after a map which contains a clue about the survivor of the fire."  
"The author did not explain that." Duncan shrugged.  
"Well, we are anyway." Isadora said, "Now shut up before the author clears our minds! Looks, here's a map!"

Quigley happily opened the map, as he was the cartographer of the group.

"This is a map of the hinterlands." Quigley explained. "And look, VFD."  
"VFD!" Isadora clapped.  
"Here's a crazy idea." Quigley said, "Let's like, find VFD. They can help us."  
"But isn't Olaf in VFD?" Duncan asked.  
"But so was Jacques." Isadora said, "I'm very confused. VFD sounds weird."

"Hello, freaks!"

Olaf walked into the tent.

"Uh." Olaf said, "So we're going to burn the place down. People got freaked out by madame Lulu getting eaten by the lions, so... yeah you can come with us."  
"Yeah, we decline." Isadora said, "We have other plans."  
"Really? Where are you going?"

Olaf suddenly glanced at them. He saw Quigley holding something.

"Is that a map?" Olaf asked, and took the map without hearing an answer. "Oh... you're going to the hinterlands. Us too. Let us give you a ride. You don't have a car anyway."  
"Uh..." Duncan said.  
"Now, I need Dylan the wolf child!" Olaf said, "There's something with the car that only wolf kids can fix."

Quigley looked at Olaf and started to talk in his disguised voice.

"Yes, I fix."

He followed Olaf out to his car. Isadora and Duncan slowly followed, in case Olaf was going to harm Quigley in any way.

But everything Quigley was going to do was tie the freaks wagon to the car, as if Olaf decided it would've follow whether the Quagmires followed them or not.

Suddenly, the Quagmires smelled smoke, and saw the entire circus tent on fire.

"Alright." Olaf said, "It's best if we go. Beverly and Elliot, there's not a place for you in the car. You have to be in the wagon."  
"Oh, come on." Quigley said, following his siblings to the wagon.  
"Where are you going, wolfboy?" Olaf asked.  
"I ride in the wagon with twins." Quigley explained.  
"No, you're not. You're riding in the car with me."  
"Why, if I may ask?"  
"Because we need someone to hold the map! You can talk with the two-headed freak later!"

The Quagmire triplets exchanged looks. They didn't want to separate, but what choice did they have. They instead exchanged sad looks, and hoped the way to the mountains was short.

10 minutes into the ride. Isadora and Duncan watched in the back of the caravan how Caligari Carnival had gone up in smokes. They didn't know how Quigley was having it, but they could only imagine.

"Hey!"

The two triplets heart a buzzing noise, and noticed a walkie talkie on a table.

"Hey freaks! Can you hear me?"

Isadora picked it up.

"Yes, we can hear you."  
"Look at the window." Olaf commanded.

The two Quagmires looked outside the window facing the car, as they wanted to see Olaf and Quigley.

"We are." Isadora informed him.

Suddenly, Hugo, Colette and Kevin, who lied in the trunk, opened up and started to cut the rope who Quigley carefully had tied.

"I needed no fortune teller to know where the Quagmires are. I knew that all by myself. Now, you two will fall to your death while I have your brother. Cheers!"

Duncan and Isadora heard their brother scream something in the lines of "You son of a bitch!" and then they noticed him banging on the window, while being held back by many henchmen.

Then, the caravan wagon stopped, and started to roll backwards.

"Quigley!" Isadora screamed.  
"Quigley!" Duncan yelled.  
"Isadora! Duncan!" Quigley wailed, although they couldn't hear him because the car windows were up.

Isadora and Duncan fell on a high speed down the mountain, and sooner or later would meet their demise...


	10. Toddlers in the snow

"Don't eat snow, Quigley!"

Mrs. Quagmire sighed as her 2-year old son sat down in the snow and ate it happily.

"Stop!" Duncan said to his brother, which meant "You know you can get worms in your tummy if you eat snow?"  
"Deville twins." Quigley said back, which probably meant "I like worms."

The Quagmire parents thought of taking their toddlers outside to play in the snow, since the triplets barely had seen snow before. But keeping an eye on three 2-year olds who all want to run in different locations was a little hard.

"Children!" their father said, and tried to lift up a running Isadora (who, at this time, wasn't called Isadora, but the author will still call her that because this is a flashback). "Let's play only over here, ok?"

He put Isadora down with Quigley and Duncan, and then he and his wife looked away for just a second.

And of course, as everyone who watched Rugrats, watched any episode of a show where the characters babysit a kid, or is a babysitter, daycare worker or a parent, will tell you that the second you look away, the children will escape.

The Quagmire triplets, two years old, ran away in the snow not for any other reason than they just decided they spontaneously wanted to. It was fun to run in the snow. It was fun to play hide and seek from mommy and daddy, without them knowing. But the triplets were 2 years old, and had no thought of any consequences, so they ran in the snow with happy faces.

On the other side of the hill where the the Quagmire family was playing, there was two people sitting next to their car, smoking cigarettes and talking about life. They suddenly saw the three little Quagmires running up the hill.

"Slide?" Isadora asked, which meant "Shall we run down the hill?"  
"Yes!" Duncan said. The triplets giggled, and started to slowly tumble down the snowy hill.

"Where are those kids parents?" asked one of the smoking persons.  
"No idea." said the other.

The two smokers shared a look. They nodded.

They then proceeded to walk up towards the innocent little toddlers.

"Excuse me." said one of them to the triplets. The triplets didn't notice them. They were only two years old and didn't really pay attention to much other than themselves.

"They're not going to answer." said the first. "Are they?"  
"Nope." the other shrugged. "They are too small."  
"Then what are we going to do?"  
"Wait a little. Let's see if they notice us."

The Quagmire triplets mostly just giggled and picked up snow.

"Who?" Quigley asked, and pointed at the two persons starting at them.   
"Yucky." Isadora said, which meant "They smell bad."

"Can you understand baby talk?"  
"They are like, two years old. They seem to talk real words. Just shortened, because long sentences are hard."

Duncan looked up at the adults.

"Long... sent."

They looked down on him.

"What did the kid say?"  
"Long...sent." Duncan mumbled to himself. "Loooooooooooong. Sente...sent...loooooong senten."

The first started to laugh. "I think he's trying to say 'long sentence'!"  
"Long senten..." Duncan mumbled.  
"Yeah! You got it, little guy!"  
"Long." Duncan said, and then pause. "Se...sentence."

He was met by an applause by the strangers, which made him feel very proud and happy. Applauding meant good!

"Hey, maybe these kids have some potential." the second giggled. "Shall we... you know..."

The first one bent down and glanced at the triplets carefully.

"Identical triplets... freckles, dark hair... they must either be Denouments or Quagmires."  
"Plot twist." said the second, "They are Squalors."

The first one snorted. "No, triplets are out at the moment. If the Squalors had baby triplets, they would abandon them in the woods."  
"Not Jerome, he loves children. But Esmé... yeah, maybe."

"Hey, children." said one of the strangers in front of the Quagmire children, "Would you like to come with us to a place with books? And also play games?"  
"Car?" Quigley asked, which meant "Can we ride the car?"  
"Yes, you will ride in the car." the second one said. They couldn't understand baby talk, but they figured the word "car" most likely meant what Quigley was asking.

Both of them shoved the triplets closer and closer to their car.

"Now, you just gotta jump in..."  
"Children!"

Rushing down the hill came the triplets mother and father.

"We are terrible parents." their father said to himself. "How could we let them roam away."

The triplets were just happy, and ran towards their parents.

"Oh, children!" their mother said, hugging Duncan. "You can't run away like that."  
"Angry?" Isadora asked.  
"No, we were more afraid." their father explained. He then looked up to the two people. He gave them a very angry glare.

"Where did you try to take our kids?" he asked, red in his face.  
"Nowhere." said the first.  
"Don't lie to me. I saw you trying to get the children in the car. They will _not _get with you."  
"Excuse me" the second said, "But if your children wants to come with us, then it's their decision."  
"They are _two years old!_"  
"We're calling the police." the triplets mother said.

The two strangers gulped, slowly got into the car, and drove away. The Quagmire parents decided it was time to go home.

The next day, the three triplets had gotten a terrible cold. While they were taking a nap, their parents had a conversation.

"I knew this would happen some day. Just not this early in their life."  
"Honey, don't worry. We will protect them for now on. All the time. We're gonna be what the triplets in their teens will call 'overprotective'."  
"I can barely see them be teenagers. Look at them now. So helpless, sleeping in their beds."  
"They are probably all dreaming about snow."  
"Let's hope they sleep as peacefully as teenagers."

The two Quagmire parents shared a kiss, and watched their three younglings some more.

The triplets were so tight that it would be hard for them to ever separate.

Not even as teenagers, which unfortunately, their parents never got to see.


	11. Snow scouts and scarfs

Many chapters start differently. Some chapters start with a description of what's going on. Some chapters start with someone saying something. This chapter will start like this:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Isadora and Duncan fell down the montain inside the wagon.

"We're gonna die!" Duncan cried.  
"No we're not!" Isadora screamed, "I can think fast!"  
"Since when did you become Tintin?"  
"Ever since you became Snowy!"  
"I prefer sticking to Milou, the original name of his dog."  
"Shut up! I'm gonna kick the door open!"

Duncan shut up, because Isadora apparently needed silence when she was violently kicking a door open. Which, now that I write it, sounds pretty resonable.

Isadora kicked the door open.

"What now?!" Duncan screamed.  
"We jump!" Isadora screamed back.  
"What?"  
"Now!"

Like some cool action scene, Isadora jumped out of the wagon while holding Duncan's hand. They rolled around on the ground, and saw the wagon fall out from a cliff.

"How do you feel?" Duncan asked after they calmed down.  
"Terrible." Isadora sighed. "My hair feels too short, the love of my life has sailed away in the sky, i'm on the lamb for a murder I didn't commit, and on top of it, our brother has been kidnapped!"  
"Quigley is smart." Duncan said, "He can easily escape."  
"And what if he can't?"  
"Well, there's only one way we can go. We can easily find them."

Isadora and Duncan confidently walked up the mountain.

Quigley really tried to escape from the car. He really did.

"Can someone put a leash on the kid?" Olaf asked.  
"You're not getting away with this!" Quigley yelled.  
"Oh, I think I do."

Esmé took out a scarf.

"Blind him." she ordered, "The boy can't see."  
"That's right!" Olaf said, "He can not see."  
"Why can't I see?" Quigley asked. But instead of answer, he got some henchmans sweaty hand over his mouth and the white faced women putting on the scarf as a blindfold on him.  
"I will kill you all!" Quigley threatened.  
"I believe that when I see it." Esmé giggled menacingly.

Quigley felt dizzy, because Olaf was a terrible driver.

"Don't even try to complain." Olaf said, "I was blindfolded on my first time to the headquarters."  
"Wait, what headquarter?" Quigley asked.

Everyone in the room went dead silent.

"VFD headquarters?" Quigley carefully asked. No one answered, and he knew no one was going to respond either.

Isadora and Duncan walked the road up the mountain. They were freezing and wanted nothing more than a cup of hot chocolate and some blankets to cuddle themselves into.

Suddenly, they stopped at a place where the road split into two parts.

"Which way did they go?" Duncan asked.  
"Hard to say." Isadora sighed, "Both seem pretty possible."  
"So which way should we go?"  
"Well. I am super tired, and am not in the mood to climb higher. So we might aswell take the road that leads down."  
"Yeah. Hope Olaf drove that way."

The two triplets slowly walked down the road.

After about ten minutes of walking, they suddenly saw a cave.

"Oh look!" Isadora cheered, "A cave!"  
"Would Olaf be in a cave?"  
"Well, of course he would!"

Duncan shrugged. "A bad hideout."

They walked inside the cave, and hoped it wasn't a bunch of bears hibernating in there.

But it wasn't bears. Nor was it Count Olaf and their kidnapped brother. It was...

"What are a bunch of cakesniffers doing in our cave?"  
"Oh fuck no." Isadora said, "Retreat, Duncan! Retreat!"

"Be nice now, Carmelita." a man said, going up to the cakesniffer herself.  
"Shall we put her on a leash?" a woman asked, walking up too.  
"Bruce and Brucie, you're both lame." Carmelita said.  
"Don't forget we are in charge, little girl." Brucie said strictly. Carmelita frowned and actually got quiet.

"Hello." Bruce said to Isadora and Duncan, "My name is Bruce and this is Brucie. We are not related or together. We're just teamworkers for this group of snow scouts."

A group of kids, all wearing blue navy suits waved awkwardly.

"Who are you?" Brucie asked.

Duncan and Isadora shared a look.

"We are mountain climbers." Isadora lied, "And we are lost, and freezing."  
"Stay here!" Bruce said, "There's some spare masks to cover your faces. There's a lot of wasps here."  
"Oh yes, just what we need." Duncan said and smiled.

They went to the back of the cave where there was a bunch of spare masks. Duncan almost tripped on a snow scout who was really, really short.

"Oh, sorry!" he said.  
"Okay." said the short one. It sounded like a small childs voice. A _very _small childs voice. They talked like they just had learned to talk.  
"Don't talk to her." Carmelita muttered, "She's weird and can't talk properly. I'm not sure she's even old enough to be here."  
"Angelica." the short volunteer said.

Suddenly, Isadora and some of the snow scouts snorted.

"What are you all laughing about?" Carmelita asked with an annoyed tone.

"I don't know why." Isadora said, "But I think she meant something like 'You're too annoying, who even raised you?' or something."  
"Yes, that's exactly what she meant!" said a snow scout.

"We're here." Count Olaf muttered.  
"This isn't the headquarters?" Esmé frowned.  
"I know. I took the wrong turn."

The henchperson of indeterminate gender shrugged. "This place is fine too."  
"Yeah..." Esmé said, "I think this is where the snow scouts celebrate false spring."  
"Get the boy out!" Olaf ordered.

The hook-handed man and the bald man ripped the scarf off Quigley and pushed him out of the car.

"Come on." the bald man said. "Don't try to escape."

The white-faced women opened up the trunk were Kevin, Colette and Hugo lied.

"Finally!" Colette exclaimed, "I gotta use the bathroom."  
"There's no bathroom." Hugo sighed, looking around. "Not even an outhouse."  
"Well, I guess I gotta go to the woods." Colette sighed.

Quigley glanced at his former co-workers from Caligari Carnival and took his chance.

"Uh, I gotta use the restroom."  
"Then just go in the forest." the hook-handed man shrugged.

Quigley made a "well-that-was-easier-than-I-thought"-look and started to walk inside the forest.

"Hey!" Olaf screamed, "Where do you think you're going?"

Quigley started to run.

"He's getting away!"  
"He just had to use the bathroom." the bald man said calmly.  
"Idiots! He's obviously trying to get away! Chase after him!"  
"But what if he actually needs to pee?" the hook-handed man asked, "I wouldn't want anyone to look at me if I-"  
"Shut up! Chase after him!"

Quigley ran as deep as he could into the forest. He actually did need to pee, but he also obviously wanted to escape. He was thirteen, how in the world would Olaf catch him without him running away?

When he had ran for like 3 minutes, he got too exhausted, and hid behind a bush to not be seen. He waited for a while, but after noticing no one being around, he quickly emptied his bladder and then awkwardly tried to sneak away.

It started to become dark. Quigley suddenly smelled smoke, and hopefully followed the smell. He was hoping it was some campers that could help him look for his siblings and get him away from Olaf.

He suddenly heard a noise and started to run. He always ran more these days, which was understandable. Whatever noise could just be Olaf, or someone in his troupe.

A cave! There was a cave nearby!

Quigley ran to the cave, and went inside. Nothing was in there, except for some spiders, but Quigley didn't mind that. He slowly sat down and took some deep breaths.

That's when he felt a very chilly prescense. And a deep voice, that said.

"Where are you going, little boy?"


	12. Short chapter with child endagerment

Duncan and Isadora sat around the campfire, while Carmelita told some story about how she was the prettiest girl in existence, or some bullcrap like that.

"We probably need some sleep." Bruce said, "We have a big day tomorrow."  
"Yeah!" Carmelita said, "We're crowning me false spring queen!"  
"We haven't decided that yet." Brucie said.  
"But I win every year!" Carmelita protested, "And besides, the point of being a snow scout is doing the same thing over and over again."

The snow scouts then started to, in unison, say some weird pledge.

_Snows Scouts are accomodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xylophone, young, and zippered–every morning, every afternoon, every night, and all day long!_

"I am concerned." Isadora whispered.  
"How can you be a xylophone?" Duncan asked, and starting to picture Carmelita being transformed into a xylophone.  
"Alright, children! Let's sleep!"

Isadora and Duncan found some spare sleeping bags. They were very tired, and quickly fell asleep.

But suddenly, they woke up. The campfire had burned out, and in front of them stood a small human.

"Small girl?" Isadora asked, "What's up?"  
"Hush." the little snow scout said. She was wearing a mask too, and made a gesture for them to follow her.

Duncan and Isadora somehow felt protective over her, even though they never met her before this day.

"Come." she said, and they followed her to a ladder, or something.  
"Wow, this wasn't here before?" Isadora said.  
"Dark." the girl whispered.  
"Ah, that makes sense."

Duncan gave his sister a weird look. "How do you know what she talks about?"  
"I just... understand? She says you can only see this ladder in the dark."  
"Isadora, you could back at lachrymose lake swear in finnish. How many languages can you speak in secret?"

Isadora shrugged, and said "Du kommer inte förstå vad jag säger nu, din lilla tönt."

"Isadora, I am concerned."  
"Siblings!" the little snow scout whispered with a cranky tone.  
"Of course." Isadora said, and turned to Duncan. "She said she needs help getting up to the ladder."

Happily, Isadora lifted the little snow scout up.

"Come on." the snow scout said.

Isadora and Duncan shrugged and climbed after her.

"Just a question." Isadora said, "Where are we heading?"

The little snow scout turned around, and gave her a smug.

"VFD."

Now, both Duncan and Isadora understood her.

"Where are you going, little boy?"

Quigley turned around and saw two large shadows behind him.

"Oh, sorry. I... Do I know you? I feel like I have seen you before."

The two shadows in the cave started to touch Quigley's face. It made him feel a little weirded out.

"A pretty good bone structure..."  
"Messy hair..."  
"Does he have freckles?"  
"Interesting..."

Suddenly, they went silent.

"Uhm..." Quigley said, "I'm gonna go... I smell smoke."  
"Of course." one of the shadows said, "We burned down the headquarters."  
"What headquarters?"

Silence again.

"Oh... well, good night!"  
"Hold on a minute." said one of the shadows in a dark voice. "Quigley Quagmire."

Quigley stopped. "Huh?"  
"We know you're Quigley Quagmire."  
"Gosh, we haven't seen you since that party at the Squalors."  
"You were so young."  
"And things are so different now, isn't it?"

Quigleys eyes widened.

"Mum and dad said we just dreamed that." Quigley mumbled to himself. "Then again, how can three people have the same dream?"  
"We can't hear what you're saying."  
"I gotta go." Quigley gulped, "I'm..."

He ran outside of the cave. It was much darker now, which made it easier for him to run without being seen.

"Shall we send the eagles?"  
"No. Let the eagles rest. Besides, the boy leaves footprints in the snow. Oh, what's that over there? A fire?"

They had climbed for a while, when the snow scout crawled to the side. Isadora and Duncan did the same, and found themselves in a tunnel of some sorts.

"Door." the snow scout said.  
"Is that the door to VFD headquarters?" Isadora asked.

The girl nodded.

"Finally." Duncan said, "We may find the survivor of the fire. Mom or dad..."  
"Without Quigley." Isadora sighed.  
"Don't worry! Our surviving parent will help us."  
"Help." the girl said, and pressed on the large door.

Isadora smiled. "Of course. Are you ready?"  
"Nervous, but ready." Duncan said.

Together, they slowly opened the door. Duncan and Isadora hoped to find one of their parents, drinking tea and waiting for them.

But they were only met by smoke, dust and the sound of their own coughs.

"Gone." the snow scout said.  
"Yeah." Isadora sniffed, "It's... it's all gone."  
"No survivors..." Duncan sniffed.

They walked around in the burned down area.

"I really hoped we would see the survivor of the fire." Duncan sighed.  
"Here."

Isadora turned around to the little girl. "What did you say?"

"Here." she said again.

She proceeded to take off her mask.

"Survivor. Sunny Baudelaire."


	13. Kidnapping and recruitment

"Sunny Baudelaire?" Isadora asked.  
"Like as, the sister of Klaus Baudelaire?" Duncan asked.  
"And Violet Baudelaire?"  
"The sister they thought died?"

Sunny Baudelaire nodded, and smiled.

"I can walk!" she said proudly.  
"Yeah..." Isadora said, and awkwardly smiled. She didn't know if the little kid was telling the truth. But how many little children would just lie about a very specific name?  
"But if you... survived the fire..." Duncan said, "How could you... survive on your own?"

Sunny shrugged.

"Like, how did you get food?" Duncan asked.  
"Chef!"   
"She says she makes her own food." Isadora explained.  
"Yeah, i'm starting to understand her more and more." Duncan said. "But Sunny, how did you like, uh... you know..."

Isadora rolled her eyes. "She is like one and a half years old, Duncan. You don't have to be so awkward."  
"Question?" Sunny asked.  
"I think what Duncan is asking is that, we often assume children your age is not really... potty trained. We- _he _just wonders how you dealt with that all alone."

Sunny smirked. "Not interesting."  
"That's fair." Duncan said. "Wow. Wish Quigley was here to see it."  
"Sibling?" Sunny asked.  
"Yes." Isadora nodded, "Quigley is our brother. Just like Violet and Klaus are your siblings."  
"Where?"   
"Don't worry. Violet and Klaus are safe. They are high up in the clouds. We rescued them and they are safe."

Sunny lit up. She smiled.

"Safe." she whispered. Then she looked the two triplets in the eyes. "Help you."

Duncan and Isadora felt like they had a responsibility over Sunny, because she was so small and looked so innocent. They had a hard time understanding that it was actually Sunny who felt like she had to protect _them_.

Quigley had fallen asleep in another cave. He woke up, and felt relieved how nothing had happened to him while sleeping. He immediately stood up and continued his journey to find his siblings.

He ran down a small road, and found himself on the same road Olaf had driven the car on.

"Hm." he said. He looked around, not knowing where to go.

Quigley was blindfolded on his way to the place Olaf drove, which made it harder for him to know which way to go. But Quigley was also a cartographer, and could easily feel when he was on the right or wrong way.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps, and the voices of a bunch of kids.

"Snows Scouts are accomodating, basic, calm, darling, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xylophone, young, and zippered–every morning, every afternoon, every night, and all day long!"

"What the fuck is this cult?" Quigley asked himself, because he thought he knew a cult when he saw one.  
"Hello, little boy." said an adult who lead the kids, "We are the snow scouts and we are on our way to celebrate false spring. Would you like to join us?"

Quigley thought for a while. But then he realised, if he went with these weird people, including a girl that probably was Carmelita Spats, no one would notice him.

"Alright." he said, "It sounds fun."

Isadora woke up noticing Sunny lying close to her, like a child who went to their mother or older sister for comfort. She glanced over to Duncan, who hugged himself on the uncomfortable floor they had slept on.

"Hey..." Isadora said, and sat up. "Are you awake?"  
"Couldn't really sleep much." Duncan sighed.

Sunny rubbed her eyes and glanced at Isadora.

"Violet?"  
"No, it's Isadora. But i'm flattered you think I look like her."

Sunny smirked. "Girlfriends?"

Duncan gave Isadora a grin.

"They did have a full on make out session before Violet went into the sky." he giggled.  
"Rilaya!" Sunny shrieked.

Isadora looked really moved. "Thank you, Sunny."  
"What did she say?" Duncan asked.  
"She said that we could have been a perfect couple if it didn't end so soon."  
"Naw! You're still will be! We will find them!"  
"Yeah, then I could see you and Klaus kiss! I looked away last time."

Sunny lit up.

"Yes, Sunny, Klaus and Duncan were really close too!" Isadora said proudly.  
"Klaine!" Sunny shrieked.  
"Ok, not excactly like _that_." Isadora giggled. "More like..."

Sunny bit her lip to think, and then lifted her right finger.

"Tyrus?"  
"Yes! Yes, that's more like it!"  
"What did she say now?" Duncan asked.  
"Only that she believes you and Klaus probably were obvious from the very start, even before you knew yourselves!"

Duncan blushed. "Yeah, maybe..."

Suddenly, they saw smoke coming from top of the waterfall.

"People." Sunny noted.  
"People with fire." Duncan said. "Maybe Quigley is there."  
"We gotta climb up there." Isadora suggested.  
"How, excactly?"

Suddenly, Sunny walked forward.

"Climb."  
"Climb the waterfall?" Duncan asked.

Sunny nodded and gave them some ice nails she found.

"But how would you climb, Sunny?" Isadora asked.  
"Teeth." Sunny said. Then, she ran up to the frozen waterfall and slowly started to climb with her teeth.

Quigley walked next to a snow scout in the back.

"So, you do this every year?" he asked.  
"Yes." the snow scout said, "It's pretty boring, because Carmelita always wins false spring queen. No one else gets a chance."  
"One day, Carmelita will be too old for snow scouts."  
"Well, i'm older than her, so I will be too old first."  
"Why are you even in snow scouts to begin with?"  
"I don't know... I mean, it's not horrible. The view from the mountain is pretty lovely, I guess."

Quigley gave the snow scout a smug face. "Very lovely, indeed."

Before the snow scout could answer, the group stopped.

Quigley peaked at the front, and felt his heart stop.

In front of them, count Olaf, together with his henchfolks, plus two large and scary humans, stared at them.

"Hello." said one of the large scary human. It was a man with beard but no hair. "We are here to help you celebrate false spring."  
"And I am just here..." Olaf growled, "Because... reasons."  
"How marvelous!" Bruce said, "Children, let's set up!"

Just as the snow scouts was about to set up their pole for false spring, Quigley noticed three heads climbing up. He got nervous, and went to Olafs car to hide.

Isadora and Duncan climbed up, and then helped Sunny get up.

Immediately, they regretted it.

"Well, well, well." Esmé said, "Look who we have here. Why do you have a baby?"  
"That is Sunny Baudelaire!" said the other scary human, which was a woman with hair but no beard. "She has caused a lot of trouble!"  
"How?" the hook-handed man asked, "She's so small."  
"Goo Goo." Sunny said.

The snow scouts were just finished setting up their things, when Quigley noticed a glance in the gruesome two. He realised - he had met them before.

Not once, but twice.

And he also saw... his siblings!

No, he couldn't... he couldn't be seen by Olaf.

"Olaf!" the man with beard but no hair said, "Toss Sunny Baudelaire off the mountain!"  
"Eh... no, the henchmen shall do it! You two, white faced women! Throw the baby off the mountain."

The white-faced women glanced at Olaf. "No."  
"No?" Olaf said, sounding offended.  
"No. We will not throw a baby off a mountain."  
"But-"  
"We love you." the first one said.  
"We respect you." the second one said.  
"But we won't do that!" they said in unison.

They slowly began to walk away.

"Well, if they are going." the henchperson of indeterminate gender said, "Then so am I. Goodbye."  
"Me too." the bald man said.

Olaf glared at them. "Where are those carnival freaks?"  
"Oh, them?" the woman with hair but no beard said. "We killed them yesterday."  
"Wait, you kill people?" a snow scout asked.

The gruesome two didn't answer, and instead just blew their whistles.

Without warning, a bunch of eagles came and grabbed ropes that were scattered around the area. Only that nobody really noticed it being attached to a large blanket, which was hidden under the snow. Everyone of the snow scouts got captured, and got carried away by the eagles. All except for Carmelita, who got too startled and jumped away.

"No!" Duncan exclaimed, "How could you do this!"

No one answered him.

"That was a very skillfull escape." Esmé said to Carmelita. "You have potential. Would you like to join us?"  
"Join you?" Carmelita asked, "Why?"  
"Because you have literally nowhere else to go." Esmé said, "And besides, we need the next generation to train."  
"See, Olaf?" the woman with hair but no beard said. "That's how you recruit new members."

Olaf rolled his eyes.

"Anyway. I got three orphans here. Now I got two fortunes!"  
"Why do you think we would stay with you?" Isadora asked with sass.  
"Uh, because you have nowhere else to go?" Olaf snorted.  
"Actually, we are."

Quigley had pulled out a sledge he found. He ran towards them.

"Hey!" Olaf yelled, "Quigley Quagmire! There you are!"  
"Yes, and now i'm leaving. Good day, sir."

His siblings giggled, happy to see their brother. Duncan hopped on the sleigh behind Quigley, and Isadora lifted Sunny up before hopping on herself.

"We have nothing to loose." Quigley said. And with that, they rode the sleigh down the frozen waterfall.

They survived the waterfall, and now rode fastly down the frozen stream, which slowly because thinner and thinner.

"Where are we going?" Isadora asked.  
"Don't know!" Quigley admitted.

Suddenly, the ice broke, and they started to feel their feet getting wet from the water underneath.

"Rock!" Sunny screamed.

Before anyone could react, the sledge hit a large rock.

It was fine, but all of the Quagmire triplets almost fell off.

And Sunny... well, she wasn't a Quagmire triplet. She fell off, and landed on a tree branch.

"Sunny!" Duncan screamed.  
"Sunny!" Isadora screamed, "Quigley, we lost Sunny!"  
"I can't stop the sledge!" Quigley yelled anxiously.  
"Sunny!" Isadora wailed.  
"Ok!" Sunny yelled back.  
"No, you're not ok!"  
"Independent!"  
"You're like 1 and a half, you shouldn't be that independent!"  
"Last safe place! Last safe place!"

That was the last thing the triplets heard from Sunny Baudelaire, before they drifted off to sea.


	14. Short playdate on the beach

"Remember to behave now, chipmunks."

The Quagmire triplets were three, almost four, years old. Their parents were on their way to briny beach, to meet some old friends of theirs. Apparently, these old friends had a daughter who was a year or two years older than the Quagmires.

They arrived at the beach. Isadora twirled around in her new skirt, and felt happy and proud.

A man and a woman greeted the Quagmire parents.  
"Hello!" said the man. "Oh, it's so nice to see you!"  
"Oh, how your kids have grown." the woman commented. Behind her stood a girl, with long pigtails and a shy look.  
"Fiona." the man said, "Don't be shy now, these are children a little younger than you! They are triplets, too."

Fiona slowly walked forward, with her hands behind her back.

"Hi..." she said with a quiet voice.  
"Fiona, I haven't seen you since you were a little toddler!" the triplets mother said.

The man bent down to the triplets. "So, what's your little rascals names again?"  
"Quigley."  
"Duncan."  
"Isadora."

The man gave Isadora a strange look. He then turned to her parents.

"Why is your son wearing a skirt?"  
"That's our daughter." her mother explained.  
"No, but you had three sons! Look, they even look identical! That can only happen if all of them are boys!"  
"But Isadora is a girl."  
"But she is a toddler! She can't possibly know that!"  
"I'm almost four!" Isadora protested and held up four fingers, because she believed her argument would be more valid if she did.  
"Honey..." the woman said, "If they say she's a girl, she is."

The man hushed his wife.

The Quagmire parents sighed.

"Listen." their father said, "Isadora is a girl and has always been."  
"Then how come the last time I saw _him_, he was a boy?"

The triplets mother sighed. "Children, go play with Fiona. Us adults need to talk."

Quigley, Duncan and Isadora walked away with Fiona.

"Your skirt is pretty." Fiona said.  
"Thank you!" Isadora said and smiled. She proceeded to twirl around.  
"So, what do you play?" Quigley asked. "I like playing tag."  
"I don't play much." Fiona admitted, "My stepdad says I can't play in the submarine. But mom says I can, and then they get mad at each other."  
"You stepdad seems poopy." Duncan said, and his siblings started to giggle.  
"He is nice, too." Fiona shrugged.

They proceeded to play a game where they just held hands and kept spinning around until they fell to the ground.

"I feel dizzy!" Quigley laughed.  
"The clouds are spinning." Fiona said.

They were simply small children, playing easy games just because they wanted to. They barely knew each other, but they still played like they known each other forever. They had no troubles. The worst things that could happen in the Quagmire triplets lives was either accidentally wetting themselves or not getting any dessert after dinner. So, they hadn't really much to be concerned about.

Something different could be said for the adults. The man, which most people called Captain Widdershins, was a very stubborn man.

"Ok." Captain Widdershins said, "So, does 'Isadora' only wear a skirt because you think she's a girl? Would you let Duncan and Quigley wear skirts?"  
"Duncan and Quigley could of course wear skirts too, if they wanted to."  
"I am shocked!" Captain Widdershins exclaimed, "You want to raise your sons as some _pansies_!"

The Quagmire parents just gave Captain Widdershins a death stare. Captain Widdershins wife tried to talk, but he didn't let her.

"You know." he said, "If Fiona came and told me she was a boy, I would tell her that's only her imagination! She was born as a girl, so she is a girl! Your son was born a boy, and when he tells you he's a girl you _believe _him?"

It's no use telling you any more about Captain Widdershit and his stubborn and transphobic comments. No matter how much the Quagmire parents tried to explain, he refused to listen. No matter how much his wife tried to say something, Widdershins shushed her and told her she didn't have a matter in this. We might aswell go back to the children playing.

"I don't know what to play next." Duncan admitted, "I don't know many games."  
"We can just sit and talk." Fiona suggested, "I like talking."

They sat down in the sand in a little circle.

"This is like daycare!" Quigley said.  
"Yeah!" Isadora nodded, "In daycare, we sit around the floor."

The Quagmire triplets were in an age where they were still learning words, and Isadora hadn't learned what a "circle" was yet, so she used a description instead.

"I don't go to daycare." Fiona said, "Stepdad says I don't need that, because I should only learn what his job says."  
"What's his job?" Quigley asked.  
"Something called VFD." Fiona shrugged, "He says I am in it, too."  
"Children can't work!" Isadora protested. "I know that, because mom told me."  
"Mom told me too!" Duncan said, as if this was somehow a competition or something.

Suddenly, their father came up to them.

"Children, we gotta go."  
"Why?" Quigley asked.  
"We want to play with Fiona!" Isadora said.  
"But we gotta go."  
"No!" the triplets said in unison.

Their father sighed, and picked Duncan and Quigley up, while the triplets mother picked up Isadora. They screamed, they hated being lifted up against their will. Fiona slowly walked after them.

"This was unpleasant." Fiona's mother said. "I'm just... I am just sorry for-"

She got interrupted by Captain Widdershins.

"I hope your kids didn't confuse my Fiona!"  
"Why would I be confused?" Fiona asked.

Captain Widdershins gave Isadora a glare.

"And I hope that son of yours grows out of his phase."

Isadora's mother turned to Fiona's.

"Divorce that asshole of a man." she said. Then, she put Isadora in the car with her siblings and drove off.

Hopefully, they would never encounter that Captain Widdershins again.


	15. Nice but also uncomfortable reunions

The Quagmire triplets floated around the ocean.

"Is that a submarine?" Quigley asked.  
"It looks like that." Duncan nodded.

The submarine rised from the water, taking the half sledge, and the Quagmires, with it. They carefully stood up, and knocked on the submarine.

"Uh, hello?" Duncan said, "Can we come in?"  
"Are you a friend or enemy?" a voice said.  
"Friend?" Quigley said.  
"Enemy." Isadora said.

The voice was quiet for a while. Then it spoke again.

"What's the password?"

The triplets thought for a while.

"Quagmire triplets?" Isadora suggested.  
"Count Olaf?" Duncan suggested.  
"VFD?" Quigley said.

A gate opened, which meant they could climb down.

A man with a big ugly moustache and a uniform with Herman Melvilles face on it came forward, with a smile.

"Did you close the entrance?" he asked, and the triplets nodded.

"Great!" he said, "Oh, to finally meet you again!"  
"Have we met before?" Isadora asked.  
"Yes! You were very young... don't you remember Captain Widdershins of Queequeg?"  
"No?"

Captain Widdershins looked a little offended. "Never? Aye! Oh well, we haven't seen you for a decade. But i'm happy to meet the famous Quagmire triplets! Aye!"  
"Aye." Quigley said and gave the captain a suspicious face.  
"Now, my boys." Captain Widdershins said, "Who is who?"

"I'm Quigley."  
"Duncan."  
"Isadora."

As Isadora said her name, Captain Widdershins frowned.

"Did I say something wrong?" Isadora asked.  
"Why would saying your name be wrong?" Duncan asked.  
"Isadora is a... not the name I expected." Captain Widdershins said slowly.  
"Thanks?" Isadora said.  
"Anyway! You need to meet my crew! My stepdaughter Fiona will probably love to see you!"

The triplets followed Widdershins down the hallway. The name Fiona sounded so familiar. Perhaps it was some girl younger than them, like, a little five year old.

"Fiona, come out from there and meet our new guests!"

Rolling out from under a control table, there was a girl that looked to be a year or two older than the Quagmires, with triangle glasses and a fantastic shape. She stood up, tossed her braid to the side and greeted them.

"Quagmire triplets! Long time no see!"

Quigley and Isadora shut off for a moment.

"Hi." Duncan said, and gave his siblings a concerned look.  
"You have gotten so big." Fiona said, "Last time I saw you was at a party at the Squalors. Do you remember that? Not so pleasant memory."

Duncan gasped.

"Our parents told us that was just a dream we had."

Fiona blinked.

"Okay... anyway, welcome to the Queequeg, we can give you a tour around later. You must be hungry."

As he said that, a familiar man walked through the door.

"Quagmires!"

Suddenly, Quigley and Isadora seemed to get their senses back.

"Phil!"

Phil, as I hope you remember, if you're not reading the chapters out of order, was a worker at the lucky smells lumbermill. Now, for whatever reason, he was here.

"Phil, it's so nice to see you again!" Isadora said.  
"I finally realised I couldn't work in a place where I only got paid in coupons!" Phil said, "Look at me now! I'm a chef at a submarine!"  
"You're still as optimistic as ever." Isadora smiled.

Duncan glanced at Phil's leg, which had been replaced with a pegleg.

"I'm sorry I hurt your leg." he said.  
"No, that healed ages ago!" Phil said, "This was from when I was fighting with a shark!"  
"Oh..."  
"I usually call Phil 'cookie'!" Captain Widdershins said, "But I don't know why!"  
"Have you gotten a haircut?" Phil asked.  
"Yeah, Esmé forced us." Quigley sighed.  
"We read that in the daily punctulio!" Captain Widdershins announced "Lucky we found you now! And Esmé is far from here!"

The triplets shared an unsure look. But there was a small chance Olaf and Esmé would find them under water, so that was good.

"I like your haircuts." Fiona said, "I'm thinking of getting a haircut myself."  
"Thank you." Quigley said, and felt proud of speaking with her.  
"Aye!" Captain Widdershins exclaimed, "Don't cut your hair, Fiona! You will look like a boy!"

As he said that, Isadora started to look down on the floor and felt pretty uncomfortable.

"Hey." Fiona said, noticing Isadora looked uncomfortable, "What do you say? Shall we get you three some uniforms?"  
"Sure." Quigley said, and smiled. "Lead the way!"

He then put a hand over his eyes because he felt he had said something really cheesy, even though he really didn't.

Fiona gave them some uniforms and showed them to a room where they could change.

Since it was just one room, they decided to change one and one, while the other two looked the other way. When they were younger, both Quigley and Isadora could easily change clothes in front of others. There was even a time when they could casually walk around the house with nothing on. But as they got older, they felt a more need of privacy, just as many people feel as they grow older. Duncan had never liked changing clothes in public, and preffered to do it as private as possible. Right now he was changing while Isadora and Quigley was staring at the wall.

"So, what do you think about these people?" Isadora asked.  
"Captain Widdershins seems a litte... weird." Quigley admitted, "But Fiona seems nice."  
"Yeah. I thought the same thing."  
"Hey guys, i'm done!" Duncan said.

Isadora stood up, gave Duncan a thumbs up because he looked nice in the outfit, and then she grabbed her uniform to change.

"You and Isadora seemed quiet." Duncan said, "When Fiona introduced herself."  
"No, I..." Quigley said, "I was just having flashbacks of us meeting her."  
"Really? Because I had zero clues who she was and have no memories of her."  
"What is important here," Isadora added while putting on the uniform, "That party at the Squalors was not a dream we all had, like our parents had told us."  
"Yeah, why did we even believe that?" Duncan giggled.  
"It's like they would hide something. Perhaps it was VFD."  
"No!" Quigley exclaimed. He wanted to turn around, but since Isadora was changing clothes he continued to stare at the wall. "VFD is good."

Duncan gave him a look. "How do you know? Do you even know what VFD is?"  
"I am not 100% sure, but I know it's good, okay?"  
"Alright, fine. Don't get so mad."

Isadora finished dressing and looked at herself in the mirror. For once in a long time, she really liked what she was wearing. It reminded her of her overalls she wore back in the village of foul devotees.

"Alright, Quiglefort. Your turn."

After half an hour, Fiona knocked on the door.

"I just want to say Phil has made dinner. You can come out when you're ready."  
"Thanks!" Quigley said, "We'll be out in a minute!"

They opened the door and walked to the kitchen.

"You're looking good in those uniforms!" Fiona praised.  
"Thanks." the triplets said in unison.  
"Sit down!" Phil said, "I have made potato soup!"

The triplets sat down. For once, they felt welcome to be here.

"I'd like to bring out a toast!" Captain Widdershins announced, "I would like to welcome our three new recruits, the Quagmire triplets!"  
"Recruits?" Duncan asked nervously.  
"Cheers!" Captain Widdershins cheered.

Everyone raised their glasses and cheered.

"Violet would've loved the soup." Isadora mumbled to herself, not realising everyone was listening.  
"Violet Baudelaire?" Fiona asked.

Isadora awkwardly stared at her. "Uh... yeah."  
"I haven't seen her or Klaus for years! They were really nice."  
"We met their little sister just before this." Duncan said slowly.

Fiona looked impressed, "You met Sunny?"  
"Yeah." Isadora said, "She fell off our sledge and told us she was gonna meet us at the last safe place."  
"But she's so young." Duncan said, "She seemed to have been fine so far, but she's still... so small."  
"Aye aye!" Captain Widdershins said, "Volunteers can be as young as newborns! She'll be fine!"

The triplets gave him a concerned look.

"Though, it would be a pleasure of having Sunny Baudelaire or her siblings here!" he continued, "If they find the Queequeg, I will be so happy that I will let Fiona marry Duncan!"

Duncan turned completely white, looking like he was about to be executed.

"Is this how they do in this family?" he whispered. "Marry away they daughters at a young age? What the fuck? Help."

Fiona rolled her eyes. That made Duncan feel a little easier. She was against this too.

"And if my stepson was here, then maybe Violet would fall in love with him! He's very handsome! Aye!"  
"Violet will not be interested in him." Isadora mumbled.

Fiona gave Isadora an interested look, as if she wanted her to further explain that. Isadora in return just gave her a confused look.

"Aye!" Captain Widdershins said.  
"Will you start everything with 'aye'?" Isadora asked with an annoyed tone.  
"Quigley, Duncan and..." Captain Widdershins stopped, and took a deep breath. "..._Isadora_... must be tired."  
"Yeah, we are pretty tired?" Quigley said, and really wondered why he had such a hard time saying Isadora.  
"Aye! You should go to sleep."  
"Now?" Duncan asked.  
"Yes! There's long days at Queequeg. Aye aye! New recruits need to sleep much to handle it! Aye!"  
"Okay?" Isadora said.  
"I can take your plates, children!" Phil offered, "You really need sleep, trust me! I had to go to sleep at seven the first night!"

The triplets stood up, feeling a little unsure of everything. They were about to go out of the room when Fiona followed them.

"Isadora." she said  
"Yes?"  
"I just want to say I like your name."

She gave an angry stare at her stepfather as she said that.

"Thanks." Isadora said, "I've had that name for 10 years now."

She could see Captain Widdershins face become very, very uncomfortable.

"Well." Isadora said, "Goodnight."


	16. The worst human alive

The Quagmire triplets woke up in the morning, feeling oddly well rested. They walked out to be met by Phil, who had made breakfast.

"Are you ready for some day of submarine work?" Phil asked.  
"Sure." Quigley said, as he ate the oatmeal Phil had prepared.

Fiona came in the kitchen.

"Good morning."

The Quagmire triplets looked at her. Her newly awoken glance and scruffy braid got Isadora and Quigleys attention. Isadora bit her lip.  
"My heart belongs to Violet." she whispered to herself, hoping no one would hear.

Quigley on the other hand decided to talk to her.

"Fiona, you look good." he said.

Fiona seemed to blush. "Thank you."

Then, Captain Widdershins came inside the room.

"Ah, I heard Duncan complementing Fiona! How cute! You are simply perfect for each other!"

Quigley looked to be a little jealous, while Duncan again looked terrified.

Later on, the triplets walked around the submarine. Quigley found some books on a shelf.

"The incomplete list of fungi?" he giggled.  
"Yeah." Fiona said, "I'm a mycologist. Do you know what that means?"  
"Yeah!" Quigley said, "Of course. It means... uh-"  
"It means someone interested in fungi." Isadora said, walking by with a copy of _female finnish poets_.

Quigley gave her a kind of annoyed look.

"You and your mushrooms!" Captain Widdershins exclaimed, "Aye! It's nothing informative about mushrooms!"  
"Ignore him." Quigley whispered, "I would like to learn more about fungi. It sounds fun."  
"You don't have to, Quigley." Fiona said.  
"But I want to! I really, really, do." Quigley said. "I... please, share your interests with me."

Fiona smiled and opened the book. "So, this mushroom here only grows under water…"

Meanwhile, Phil walked to Duncan and Isadora.

"It seems like your brother has a crush." he giggled.  
"Wait, he does?" Duncan asked.  
"Oh, fuck, he does." Isadora whispered. "He really does, oh my god."

She bursted out in a big grin.

"So, have you two found anyone to gush about?" Phil asked.  
"Well..." Duncan said.  
"Well..." Isadora said.

They moved around in a little gushy dance with smiles.

"I know those movements!" Phil said, "You two just don't gush, you are in love! Who's the lucky ones?"

Duncan and Isadora shared a look. They didn't speak. Instead, they somehow shared some telepathic conversation.

_"Should we tell him?"_   
_"I think we should, what do you think?"_   
_"I mean, it's Phil."_   
_"Excactly! Phil is optimistic!"_   
_"He will support and love."_   
_"We will tell him."_

"It's Violet." Isadora said.  
"It's Klaus." Duncan said,

Phil lit up. "Wow! I never met them, but they sound very pleasant!"

Isadora and Duncan smirked, while Quigley was too interested in Fionas talk about fungi to even hear.

But someone who did hear was Captain Widdershins. I know what you, the reader, is thinking. And yes, you may pause your reading to find a torch and pitch forks.

"Excuse me." Captain Widdershins said, "Are you in love with a boy, boy?"  
"Uh..." Duncan said, and felt like he wanted to hide.  
"Yes, he is." Isadora muttered, and grinded her teeth.  
"Aye aye! Who teached you to behave that way?"  
"What do you mean?"

Captain Widdershins sighed. "Someone has influenced you to think it's ok for you to be in love with another boy!"  
"What?" Duncan whimpered, "No!"  
"Aye! Don't lie to me! I think I know who's responsible for this!"

He pointed at Isadora.

"Your _sister _just said _she _was in love with a girl! I am not suprised, considering _she _is all gender confused! Aye! And she has inspired you to think the same! Aye aye!"  
"What the fuck did you just say?" Isadora said slowly.  
"Aye! And the language! Hear the language!"

Now, Fiona and Quigley had started to hear the conversation.

"What's going on?" Quigley asked.

"Two women can't love each other! Two men can't love each other! It's disguisting."  
"Ok." Isadora said. "So, what if I said I loved Klaus instead of Violet? Would you be happy?"  
"No!" Captain Widdershins screamed.

Isadora frowned. "And why would that be?"

Captain Widdershins looked deeply offended.

"Because you are _not _a real girl. You're a boy, who from a young age decided to dress in girls clothes, and _pretend _you're a girl. A boy can't like a boy."

Isadora's face went deep red. Tears were spreading out of her eyes. She looked like she could explode.

"Isadora..." Fiona said slowly.  
"Isadora..." Quigley whispered and tried to place his hand on her shoulder.  
"Isadora..." Duncan said and stepped forward, ready to hug her.

But Isadora smacked her arms at them and stormed up to the captain.

"I have for the past months been tormented to death. I have lost my parents, and several of my guardians. I have suffered through pain and loss. My best friends, one of them being the love of my life, had to float into the sky because it was safer there. I have gotten thrown down an elevator shaft. I have gotten sleeping drugs against my will. I got undressed while sleeping, and even though I don't think anything happened, it still feels really uncomfortable to think about. But even Count Olaf, the man responsible for me and my brothers sufferings, could accept my identity. You, captain widder_shit_, even had trouble with saying my name. It's not even a hard name! I chose the name when I was three and a half, god dammit! And I could go on and on about how transphobic, not to mention how homophobic you are, but... it's no use! You would never get it. Never! You are so stupid, so close minded, and... Fuck you, captain! You are the worst human I have met in my entire life!"

Then, she kicked him in the crotch and ran off.

Everyone remained quiet for a good while after her outburst. Captain Widdershins was whining because of where Isadora kicked him. Fiona just looked paralysed. Quigley looked really angry and Duncan was about to cry.

But suddenly, an alarm went off in the submarine.

"Aye!" Captain Widdershins said, "Phil, look at the coordinates!"

Phil, being very unsure of everything that occured, slowly looked at the coordinates.

"What do they say?" Captain Widdershins asked.  
"We are near a cave." Phil said.  
"A cave? Aye aye!"

Like nothing happened, he went over to look at some maps.

"Shiver me timbers! This may be the cave where the sugar bowl is!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how submarines work, or underwater coordinates. I just wrote random words.


	17. Siblings and friends bond in an underwater cave

"Why couldn't you go?" Fiona asked.  
"Aye! Because I am an adult and I decide! Also, I can't fit in those small spaces!"  
"Of course you can't." Isadora mumbled, "You're too fat."

Captain Widdershins seemed to not hear her insult to him, but he did notice she was there.

"Uh..." he awkwardly said to Fiona, "I don't know if... " he made a weird gesture at Isadora.  
"If you don't want me to go with them..." Isadora said, "Then I will tell you something. I would do anything to get the fuck out of this submarine, and if my brothers are going, so am I. I would _never _be in a submarine alone with you without my siblings!"

Captain Widdershins went silent.

"Isadora." Quigley said, still looking very angry, "If you want to talk, i'm here. That shithead had no right to-"  
"No." Isadora said, "Nope. Let's go."  
"Here's your diving suits." Fiona said.  
"Thanks." Duncan said in a broken voice. He was a bit traumatized after the latest events.

The four teenagers stood dressed in diving suits and got ready to go out.

"Remember now." Captain Widdershins said, "The sugar bowl! Get it before our enemies do!"  
"What enemies?" Duncan asked and gulped. "I-I don't want to be a part of some crime."

Fiona gave him a concerned look, and didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry." she finally said.

Right after she said that, the doors opened and the four of them swam out into the ocean.

Fiona took the lead, and the triplets slowly followed. It was dark and tight, and Duncan felt like the underwater cave would cramp together and he would get stuck. Isadora held his hand tightly. She felt extra protective of her brother right now. Nobody was going to hurt him. Nobody was going to hurt him like they hurt her.

Quigley wanted to protect both of his siblings. He was very angered by what happened previously, and he really wanted to talk to his siblings about it. But they wouldn't. He glanced at Fiona, who seemed to have her gaze forward.

They swam for maybe ten minutes, before they suddenly felt like they could walk on the ground. It was starting to get shallow. They slowly walked up in some underwater beach.

"Alright." Fiona said, "We can take our helmets off, I think."

She took off her diving helmet, and when nothing happened the triplets did the same.

"The sugar bowl must be around here." Fiona said, "I think."  
"We can take our time." Isadora sighed.

Quigley glanced at her. She still had really red eyes from her rage earlier.

"Isadora..." he said, "I think we should talk about... what happened."  
"No!" Isadora growled, "Just let us focus on the sugar bowl."

Quigley didn't understand why his sister refused to talk about it. What was wrong now?

"Guys..." Duncan said, "Guys, what's that?"

He pointed at some green moisture that was rising towards them.

"Uh oh..." Fiona sqealed.  
"What?" Quigley asked.  
"I have read about those." Fiona explained, "That's the medusoid mycelium. It's very dangerous. Fortunately the spores don't grow further than some feet above water, but... it could take everything from an hour to several days for it to disappear again."

Isadora glanced at the fungi, and realised they couldn't get out without touching it, meaning they were stranded here.

"Oh fuck." she sighed.

For twenty minutes, the children had been on the lookout for the sugar bowl, while trying to not step on the medusoid mycelium.

"What's even in that sugar bowl to begin with?" Duncan asked, "Why is it so important?"

Fiona sighed. "I don't know. My stepfather never told me."  
"That's shitty of him." Quigley said. Fiona gave him a sad gaze, and he immidiately felt stupid for saying that, even if he meant it.  
"He never told me much, actually."  
"But he still tells you to do weird work things for someone your age?"  
"Yeah. That's what you do in VFD."

Duncan awkwardly waddled towards Fiona.

"Uhm... what does VFD stand for?"  
"Volunteer fire department?"

The triplets stared at her for a long time.

"Ok." Quigley said, "That... that makes sense. Very much."

Isadora rolled her eyes.

"I'm not sure this whole VFD really engages me."  
"We know Olaf is in VFD, too." Duncan said, "So, does that mean it's a bad organisation?"  
"But Fiona and her stepfather is in VFD too." Quigley added.   
"I have been in it my whole life." Fiona explained, "I thought everyone with parents in VFD had been."  
"What? Did Violet?" Isadora asked harshly, "And... Klaus and Sunny too..."

Fiona shrugged. "I haven't met Violet and Klaus since I was like nine. Never met Sunny, though I have heard of her work."  
"Sunny is a baby." Isadora muttered. "She's a toddler. Why is she all alone."  
"Well, Sunny is independent." Duncan said, "She can handle herself. We've seen that."  
"But it's still not completely right. VFD doesn't feel right with me."  
"But VFD must be good!" Quigley said, "Fiona... she is- she's good. And... her stepfather-"  
"Yeah, Quigley!" Isadora yelled, "Is he good?"

Isadora looked at her brother, and started to form new tears.

"Isadora, I think we really should talk about what happened." Quigley said slowly.  
"Yeah! Yeah, let's talk, alright!"

Isadora walked back and forth across the place.

"He claims to be a noble man. He claims to be good. You'd think he is. I mean, I don't know how Fiona turned out to be so good when he is... terrible! But you all saw what happened today. How he treated Duncan. No one disrespects my brother like that!"  
"Isadora..." Duncan said, "I'll be fine, i'll promise. It's you who i'm worried about."  
"Yeah." Quigley said, "Isadora, what he said to you was... not okay. And, we want you to know we're here-"  
"Shut up! You don't understand! You don't..."

Isadora covered her eyes, as her tears continued to come.

Her brothers ran forward to her, and hugged her tightly.

"I love you." Quigley whispered, "You're strong. You're brave. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."  
"You're the best sister in the whole wide world." Duncan said, and started to form tears himself. "I have never known such a creative, sassy and kind girl in my whole life."

Isadora snorted. "Am I really that kind?"  
"Kindest in the world." Quigley said.

Isadora smiled. "I love you guys so much. What would I do without my brothers?"  
"You would probably burned up a house or two by now." Quigley smirked.

While the triplets hugged and bonded, Fiona sat on a rock and stared at them. Isadora met her gaze.

"Fiona..." she said softly, "I'm sorry..."  
"Don't be sorry." Fiona said. "I know... my stepfather is... kind of a shitbag."

She had a long sigh while she stared at the floor.

"He is... very close minded. Last year, I was... questioning things and... I wasn't sure if I was asexual, or bi...or whatever, and I asked him for advice. He said..." Fiona started to imitate Captain Widdershins, "'Aye! Those words are just a myth. Bisexuals doesn't exist, they are just there for attention! And asexuals are people who can't feel any emotions at all! Aye aye! Don't get into those sillynesses, Fiona. You're a girl, so you should marry a boy! Shiver me timbers! Your brother asked me the same thing and you know what happened to him! Don't make the same mistakes!'"

"What a fucking fuck." Isadora said.  
"Yeah." Fiona snorted, "But it's fine. I never told him I actually figured out my sexual identity."  
"And what is it?" Quigley said.  
"Biromantic asexual." Fiona said proudly.  
"And what happened to your brother?" Duncan asked, "If it's okay."

Fiona gave him a smile. "I don't really know. He left the home when I was eight. He and my stepfather had an argument, and then he left. Stepfather said he would never come back, because he has disappointed him very much. He said nothing more."  
"That sucks." Quigley said.  
"Yes. But something I've learned over the years, is that he who hesitates is lost. My stepfather uses to say that, even if I often tell it should be he _and _she."  
"_They _who hesitate are lost." Isadora said.  
"Yes!" Fiona giggled.

They sat in the grotto for some time more. They shared some memories, comforted each other and told each other things that may be interesting or not, but inspired by some guy named Snicket, I'm going to give them some privacy. Also, because the author has run out of ideas of what they should talk about.

"Look." Fiona said, "The fungi is starting to shrink. We can swim back."  
"Hooray." Quigley said, "Sad we didn't find the sugar bowl."  
"Oh well, it shouldn't be so bad." Fiona said, "The sugar bowl could literally be anywhere in the world. And a lot of people are searching for it. Come on."

And so, the four teenagers swam back to the submarine, not knowing what was going to happen.


	18. The Quagmire-Widdershins rescue team

The gang swam back to the submarine. They all were pretty anxious to meet captain Widdershins again, but they made sure to protect each other.

"Stepfather!" Fiona called. "We're back!"  
"The sugar bowl wasn't there!" Duncan said, "Sorry!"

No response.

"Stepfather?"

Fiona took off her helmet and started to walk around the submarine.

"Strange." she said, "He is usually very loud."  
"We have figured that." Isadora said, taking off her helmet. "Hey, Quigley, do you need help with your diving helmet? You seem to have trouble."  
"It's not that..." Quigley said. Then, he started to cough violently.  
"Quigley?" Duncan worringly said.

They went towards Quigley and noticed how little green spots started to pop up on his helmet.

"Uh... Fiona?" Isadora said, "Could you come over here?"

Fiona walked over to them.

"What's wrong?"  
"Is it normal to have green spots on your diving helmet?" Duncan asked, pointing at Quigley.

Fiona gave Quigley a serious glance.

"Oh no... no, no, no..."  
"What's wrong?" Quigley coughed.  
"Quigley, that's not just green spots." Fiona explained, "That's medusoid mycelium!"

Quigley just stared at her. "Fuck."  
"Don't take your helmet off!" Fiona demanded, "You could infect the whole submarine!"  
"But i'm coughing." Quigley said, "I need more oxygen."  
"We need to find an antidote." Fiona said, "And fast! Otherwise, Quigley may not survive?"  
"Wait, I can die?" Quigley said, "I don't want to die!"  
"No one is going to die on my watch!"

Fiona looked around.

"My stepfather, and Phil, seems to have abandoned the ship. I am the captain now."

Duncan and Isadora read through every book related to fungi. They could barely read the words, because they felt so stressed by the situation.

"Have you found anything?" Duncan asked and bit his nails.  
"No!" Isadora cried, "I have read through this part multiple times, because it feels like i'm gonna miss the answer if I don't."  
"I can't loose Quigley." Duncan said, "I can't."  
"Me neither." Isadora sighed, "That's why we need to hurry."

Meanwhile, Fiona was getting ready to join the two Quagmires in their research, but first she had to find a place for Quigley to rest.

"Quigley, hang in there." she said slowly. "We will help you."  
"What if you don't?" Quigley asked, coughing heavily.  
"We will, I tell you! They who hesitate is lost!"

Quigley smiled. "You're very kind, Fiona."  
"I would not just let you die! I..."

She caught off guard. Quigley looked like he was high. He glanced at a window.

"There's plenty of fish in the sea." he mumbled.  
"What?" Fiona said.

Quigley pointed at the window, where some shadows of fish swam by.

"Oh yeah." Fiona shrugged, "That's... that's always lovely."  
"Very lovely, indeed."

Fiona felt her heart beating faster as he said that. She didn't know why. She saw the sick Quigley, coughing for his life, and starting to blabber weird things. Unless he was actually talking sense? She took his hand.

"I will not let you go."  
"Don't call me Eds." Quigley mumbled, and looked like he was drugged inside the helmet. Which was resonable, Fiona knew it could be a side effect.

"I'm here!" Fiona yelled, running out to the library. "Have you found anything?"  
"Not much." Isadora said in a stressed tone, "How's Quigley?"

Fiona shook her head. "We have to hurry. I think the spores are starting to suffocate him more and more."  
"Oh no..." Duncan whispered and looked down on the floor.

Fiona glanced at all the books that Isadora and Duncan had looked through.

"Wait, there is one more book."

She ran to the shelves and found a little notebook.

"My brother worked with Gregory Anwhistle for a while, and he took some notes on the creations."  
"I have no idea who Gregory Anwhistle are." Isadora admitted, "But he does have the same surname to our old guardian Josephine, so all of this must be connected."

Fiona skimmed through the notebook.

"Here! Medusoid mycelium."  
"What does it say about it?" Duncan asked.  
"Medusoid mycelium is very poisonous and can kill you under only an hour. The antidote is an armoracia rusticana, which shall grow mostly in Europe and Western Asia. Volunteers are trying to create them in factories too."

Duncan frowned. "What?"  
"Is it horseradish?" Isadora asked.  
"Don't know." Fiona shrugged, "I don't know latin."  
"I think it's horseradish." Isadora said, "I know horseradish grows in Europe and Western Asia, and I know there was a horseradish factory on lousy lane."

Duncan and Fiona stared at her. Then, all three of them ran to the kitchen.

"Horseradish!" Duncan screamed, "Where's horseradish?"  
"Why don't we have horseradish?" Fiona cried.  
"Maybe Phil is weird and have those things in the fridge." Isadora shrugged. She opened the fridge.

There was no horseradish in the fridge. But, there was a cake in there. A blue, pink and white cake, with the word "Sorry!" written in the rainbows colors on it. Beside the cake was a note:

"Hello Quagmires, and Fiona of course!  
I never judge any people, but I must admit Captain Widdershins was not very nice when he said those things today, or yesterday, or maybe a long time into the future, depending on when you read this. I felt very bad for not saying anything at that moment, so I decided to bake a cake! I originally thought of having the word 'sorry' in shades of orange and pink, but the icing pens only had one shade of orange, and no pink! Besides, rainbow colors are pretty too! And the cake is in pink, blue and white, and it somehow reminded me of Isadora. I don't know why!   
Hope you can forgive me, and enjoy this cake. I hope you will be back soon.  
Phil."

Isadora sighed. "We can't lose Quigley."

Quigley coughed violently in the backround.

"Isn't there any horseradish at all?" he coughed.  
"We can't find anything!" Duncan cried.  
"Is there any substitute?" Quigley asked.

Fiona stopped her tracks. "Substitute?"  
"Yeah." Quigley said, "Like, wasabi or something-"

Before he said anything more, Isadora threw a bottle of wasabi, and it almost hit Duncan's head.

"Sorry, Duncan! But if Quigley says wasabi might work, I will give it a try!"

Fiona, Duncan and Isadora put on towels around their mouths to not get smitten. Then, they slowly lifted Quigleys helmet. He was completely white in his face, and looked like he was about to suffocate. Carefully, Isadora fed him wasabi with a spoon.

"Swallow it, brother! Be a good boy and swallow your food..."

Quigley hated the taste of the wasabi, but he swallowed it, with tears in his eyes.

After only a few seconds, Quigley started to get color on his face again.

"Wow, that was spicy." he said, "Can I get a glass of water?"

Noticing he didn't cough anymore, his siblings hugged him tightly. So did Fiona. They cried, but this time it was a happy cry.

"Quigley!" Duncan cried.  
"How do you feel?" Isadora asked carefully.   
"Better..." Quigley said, "But I do feel very tired."  
"Go and take a nap." Fiona said, "We will fix things around here."

After Quigley went to take a nap, Fiona made sure to keep the infected diving helmet secluded. Isadora and Duncan sat and read some books.

"Quigley is so cute when he sleeps." Isadora giggled.  
"Yeah..." Fiona said dreamingly. Isadora gave her a smirk, and Fiona shook her head.  
"What's that thing that blinks over there?" Duncan asked.

He pointed at some lights that flashed outside a window.

"It looks like an octupus." Isadora noted.  
"I think it's another submarine." Fiona said.  
"Cool submarine." Duncan shrugged, and continued to read his book.

Suddenly, the whole Queequeg started to shake.

"What's happening?" Isadora asked.  
"I don't know!" Fiona said, "But- look!"

They noticed how the octopus submarine slowly started to drag the Queequeg towards them.

Before they knew it, the ladder was falling down and a dark voice laughed.

"Hee hee haa haa..."


	19. Escape the brig

"Oh no, it's Count fucking Olaf." Isadora groaned.  
"Yes, indeed." Olaf said and smiled mischeviously.

He climbed down and stared at them.

"How fun to see you again. I met Captain Widdershins before."

Fiona lit up. "You saw my stepfather?"

Olaf frowned at her. "Oh, hello. Last time I saw you I was throwing thumbtacks into your cradle."  
"Uh... let's focus on my stepfather."  
"Yes, I saw him."

Everyone stared at Olaf.

"And?" Fiona said.  
"Captain Widdershins told me he was looking for you, and the Quagmires." Olaf explained.  
"The fucking snitch." Isadora growled.  
"He and that optimistic dork Phil explained all about how you were searching for the sugar bowl, and how you hadn't gone back..."  
"So what did you do with the fucker?" Isadora asked.  
"Oh?" Olaf snorted, "Little miss Quagmire's got a potty mouth. Well, do you want to know what I did to him and Phil?"  
"Yes." Fiona, Duncan and Isadora said in unison.

Olaf held up a diving helmet. Fiona gulped.

"After they swam away, I steared the submarine claws and made sure to pull the diving helmets away from them."  
"What?" Isadora snorted. She didn't think this was funny, but it sounded so absurd.  
"They died, from the lack of oxygen and the pressure of being so far under the surface."

Silence was spread out the room.

"You just killed them?" Duncan said.  
"Yeah?" Olaf frowned.

Before Olaf could say anything more, Esmé Squalor climbed down, dressed as an octopus.

"Where's the sugar bowl?" she growled.  
"I don't know, dear." Olaf said, "I just met the brats."

Esmé gave the two Quagmires a judgemental look.

"Where's the sugar bowl?"  
"We don't know." Duncan admitted.

Esmé's face became very, very angry. With a scream, she grabbed Isadora and Duncan.

"Take that triangle eyed girl!" she ordered.

Olaf looked to be hesitant, but he grabbed Fiona by the ankles.

"Let's go!" Esmé said.

Isadora and Duncan, and Fiona, was so much in shock that they didn't really think about struggling. Also, they were tired as fuck, so they didn't quite think straight. Not that they ever thought straight, but you know... that's what you say.

As they entered the submarine, they were met by Carmelita Spats, dressed in doctor's clothes, a tutu and some fairy wings.

"You're just in time for my recidal!" she said, "Those snow scouts complain too much."

Inside sat a bunch of snow scouts, looking exhausted and sad.

"So are you going to force us to row or something?" Isadora groaned, "Because, you know that we will easily just escape and take those snow scouts with us."  
"No?" Esmé frowned, like that was the stupidest thing she'd heard. "You will be in prison until you tell us the location of the sugar bowl."  
"But we said we didn't know!" Duncan protested.  
"Liar!"  
"And we will also imprison you because I want your fortune." Olaf said. "Hee hee ha ha!"

All three of the children just looked fucking pissed. They were of course very anxious about being imprisoned, but they had gone through so much they just didn't have any emotion left to feel.

They got escorted to the brigs, and Olaf and Esmé violently threw them inside.

"Well, fuck." Isadora said.  
"What shall we do now?" Duncan sighed.  
"Uh, guys." Fiona said. "Do you realise Quigley is still down at the Queequeg?"

"Oh, fuck!" Isadora said, "He is! He's taking a fucking nap!"  
"How did Olaf not comment that he wasn't there, though?" Duncan asked.  
"I don't know, but ugh! How could I forget him!" Isadora whimpered.  
"I don't think any of us forgot him." Fiona said, "We just didn't want to wake him up because, you know, no one wants to wake up Olaf."  
"That's right." Duncan nodded. "And we're gonna go back before he wakes up from his nap."

Just as he said that, the door to the brig opened. There stood the hook-handed man.

"Alright, pipsqueaks. I'm gonna torture you until you- wait, who's the girl with the glasses?"  
"I'm Fiona." Fiona said, "And you-"

Both of them went silent.

"Fernald?" Fiona asked carefully.  
"Fiona?"

They met in a hug.

"I thought you were dead!"  
"I thought I would never see you again. I heard Olaf killed stepfather, but I was in the kitchen-"  
"Uh." Isadora said, "Do you guys know each other?"  
"Yes!" Fiona exclaimed, "Quagmires, this is my brother, Fernald."

Isadora and Duncan stared at her. "That guy is your brother?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Uh..."  
"Fiona." Fernald said awkwardly, "I... don't know if the Quagmires really have the best view of me."  
"We don't." Duncan said. "You work with Count Olaf."  
"Yeah, Fernald?" Fiona said harshly, "Why the fuck do you work with Count Olaf?"

Fernald sighed. "It's... a long story. Hey, where's Quigley?"  
"He's in the Queequeg." Isadora sighed, "He's taking a nap."  
"Fernald, can you help us get back?" Fiona asked.

Fernald bit his lip. "Olaf will be pretty mad at me..."  
"Fernald!" Fiona yelled, "Are you in love with him or something? Everyone would want to go behind someone like Olaf's back! Even Esmé!"

Fernald closed his eyes.

"Please." Fiona said.  
"You can't say no to your little sister." Isadora explained, "That's the unwritten rule of being an older brother."

Fernald looked at Fiona, who gave him eyes that resembled a baby that wanted a hug. He sighed.

"Alright. But if Olaf finds you, i'm gonna be in huge trouble!"

It was absurd. Duncan and Isadora had always seen Fernald as the creepy hook-handed man, but now he was Fernald, the creepy older brother of Fiona. Geez, Fiona had one fucked up family.

"Alright, it's right, then left... then, right..." Fernald mumbled.

They reached the room where all the snow scouts were rowing, while watching Carmelita perform an annoying and repetitive song.

"C is for 'cute,'!" Carmelita sang, "A is for 'adorable'! R is for 'ravishing'! M is for 'gorgeous'! E is for 'excellent'! L is for 'loveable'! I is for 'I'm the best'! T is for 'talented'! And A is for 'a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian'!"

"Can someone tell that girl 'M' is _not _for gorgeous?" Duncan growled.  
"M is not for gorgeous!" a snow scout protested.  
"Thank you." Duncan whispered. The snow scout could not see him, but he thanked them anyway.

"We gotta distract them somehow." Fiona said. "But how?"

Fernald glanced at Esmé, who guarded the children.

"I have an idea."

Then, he proceeded to run forward.

"Esmé! Carmelita!"  
"How do you dare to interrupt my recidal?" Carmelita screamed.  
"This is necessary!" Fernald panted, "It's... it's the great unknown!"

Esmé looked a little frightened.

"What's that?" Carmelita asked.  
"Get the lights." Esmé said slowly. "And... hide."

Fiona smirked, and while hiding in the corridor, she screamed:

"She said run to hide!"

Suddenly, all the snow scouts stood up and ran around in different directions.

"No!" Esmé exclaimed, "Sit down, you horrid slugs!"  
"No!" a snow scout said, "It's time for a revolution!"  
"Yeah!" another one added, "We are revolting children living in revolting times!"

While the snow scouts caused a revolution, the two Quagmires and Fiona snuck past them and down to the Queequeg. They wished they could've seen how the revolution went, but they had to leave.

Down at the Queequeg again, they met Quigley, who just opened the door from the the dormitory.

"Hello..." he said, "Why do you look so stressed?"


	20. How to just suddenly take care of a submarine

"So you mean" Quigley said, "That while I was sleeping, you guys were kidnapped?"  
"Yes." Isadora nodded.  
"And Olaf didn't notice I was with you?"  
"Correct." Duncan nodded.  
"And the hook-handed man is Fionas brother and he helped you escape?"  
"That is correct." said Fernald, who just entered the room.

Quigley looked frightened.

"Take it easy." Fernald said, "I'm here to explain."

Everyone went silent.

"Why are you with Olaf?" Fiona asked.  
"Why did you help us?" Duncan asked.  
"Did the snow scouts take over the submarine and kill Olaf and Esmé?" Isadora asked.

Fernald sighed. "I didn't want to end up this way... I was an apprentice at Anwhistle Aquatics when I learned what Gregor Anwhistle did in the grotto. A fungus so powerful it could kill everyone. I warned him about it, but he didn't listen. So... I decided to fight fire with fire."  
"You burned it down?" Fiona asked.  
"Yes. It was the worst day of my life. I did a terrible thing for a good cause, and I payed the price. I lost both of my hands in the fire and got kicked out of VFD. My stepfather was so mad. We argued, and I left."  
"And you joined Count Olaf?" Quigley asked harshly.  
"Count Olaf took me in when no one else wanted. Sure, i've commited more arson, kidnapping and murdering than I would've preffered... but what else could I do?"

Right as he said that, Count Olaf's laugh echoed through the halls.

"Ha ha antagonism!" he laughed, "Hookie, we got the snow scouts to be quiet. For now. You can come up again, since I figured you hid down here- wait... what are the Quagmires doing here?"  
"We are... confessing our sins?" Quigley said.  
"Nice try." Olaf said. "You were supposed to watch them, hookie!"  
"His name is Fernald!" Fiona protested.  
"Shut up, triangle eyes!"

Fiona bit her lip.

"He only went down here with us so he could give you this!"

She held up the diving helmet with medusoid mycelium.

"Why would I care about a diving helmet?" Olaf frowned.  
"This helmet is filled with the medusoid mycelium! If you release it, you'll kill almost everyone!"

Olaf smiled. "Hookie, your sister is a very good volunteer. She can join us. If she takes the Quagmires to the brig, and then we will let go of the Queeqeg."  
"Sure, I will!" Fiona said.

Olaf took the poisonous diving helmet, with Fernald carefully walking behind him. As soon as they got up, Fiona turned around to the triplets.

"Alright." she said, "Do you know how to operate a submarine?"  
"Not really." Isadora shrugged.  
"You aren't gonna send us to the brig?" Duncan asked.  
"Of course not! Who do you think I am? My stepfather?"  
"Why did you give that to him?" Quigley asked.

Fiona sighed. "Sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire. Also, my brother is all I have. I can't lose him again."  
"You don't have to do this."

Fiona leaned over to Quigley. "When you think of me, think of a dish you like very much."

Then, she kissed him softly.

"Take care of the Queequeg for me." she said, and walked off.

Right after Fiona left, there was a sound coming from a telegraph machine nearby.

"Oh! A mesage!" Isadora exclaimed.  
"What does it say?" Duncan asked.

Isadora took the message up and read it out loud:

"'Attention all volunteers! The gathering will be held at Hotel Denoument at thursday. Be there in time.'"

"The hotel denoument?" Quigley asked. "I think I know where that place is!"

He went in front of his siblings and started to set the coordinates to where he thought that place was.

"May I ask how you know?" Isadora said.  
"Elementary, my dear sister." Quigley smirked, "I studied the maps of our town since a very young age."  
"Of course you did." Isadora shrugged, "You're VFD's cartographer sweetheart."  
"Isadora, I thought you didn't like VFD." Duncan noted.  
"I don't. I just said the first thing that came to mind, you see."

They rode the submarine for a while. Everyone, including Quigley himself, wondered how he could stear the submarine as well as he could.

"Guys." Quigley said, "I think we are getting close to a beach."  
"Cool." Duncan shrugged, "Then I guess we would get off and get back on land?"  
"Excactly what I thought too, brother."

As they stopped the submarine, and got out, they slowly walked on the nearest warf to the beach. As they saw the sand, and the trolley nearby, they realised where they had ended up.

"Briny beach?" Isadora asked, disappointed.  
"Fuck." Duncan sighed.

What made it worse was, once again, the triplets saw a shadow walking in the fog. The shadow coughed. And once again Isadora said:

"Fuck. A human."

And once again, the shadow became more visible and it looked like Mr. Poe.

"Children?" Mr. Poe said.  
"Oh, no." Duncan said.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"We live here now." Isadora said. "Now, go away, you're standing on our living room."

Poe coughed nervously.

"You better come with me." he said, "And we can go to the authorites and explain everything."

Right as he said it, a taxi pulled up near the beach. The triplets glanced at it, and they just _knew _that taxi was for them. It was a certain feeling they had.

"Come on." Poe coughed.  
"No." Quigley said.

Poe coughed louder. "What do you mean? This is no time for jokes!"  
"We're gonna go." Duncan said, and started to walk towards the taxi.  
"I have kicked an adult man in the crotch before, and I can do it again." Isadora growled, "So goodbye. Fuck off."

Mr. Poe was in shock. He just stared at the triplets, as they walked up to the taxi.

"Hello." the taxi driver said. "You must be the Quagmire triplets."  
"We are."  
"Ok, Quagmires. Are you ready to follow me to VFD?"


	21. Who released triplets at a hotel?

"Mom, can we go to the room now?"  
"Not yet, Quigley. We need to check in first."

The Quagmire triplets just turned eleven, and this was apparently the first time they had been at a hotel. Don't ask me how, they just didn't go out much as children. Therefore, they had little experience on how to behave.

Right now their parents were checking in, and so the triplets sat on some armchairs and looked around.

On the right of them was a family with three children, and two of them looked very familiar. There was a girl a little older than them and a boy a little younger than them. There were also a man and a woman, holding a little, almost newborn baby.

"Violet." the mother said, "We need to go now. We just got Sunny to sleep."  
"Alright mom, i'm coming."

The family then disappeared.

"Isadora?" Quigley asked, "Would you ever want children?"  
"Of course." Isadora said, "I actually want children more than someone to have the child with."  
"I don't understand how you can get a baby inside a woman." Duncan admitted.

His siblings stared at him.

"So you're telling us, Duncan." Isadora said, "That you are eleven years old and don't know how a woman gets pregnant?"  
"No? I mean, I have never been quite interested-"  
"Seriously." Quigley said, "Isadora and I knew since we were like, six years old."  
"Well, he did jump out of that treehouse when we tried to tell him about it." Isadora noted.  
"Well, can you tell me now?" Duncan asked.

Quigley and Isadora smirked, and dragged Duncan away.

They went to a storage closet, to talk in private.

A concierge walked by, and wondered why there was so much giggling inside the storage room. He slowly opened the door.

"Uh..." he said, noticing what was in there. "You kids aren't allowed here."  
"Sorry." Isadora said, looking like she had laughed very much for the past time.

The triplets ran out, leaving the concierge very confused.

"So, now you know." Quigley said, "Aren't you glad Isadora and I told you?"  
"Uh-huh." Duncan nodded. Little did he siblings know that he had zoned out after they told him what happens after the adults take off their clothes.  
"Hey, where's mom and dad?" Isadora asked.

The triplets looked around in the lobby, noticing their parents were gone.

"They probably went to our hotel room." Quigley concluded, "Come on, let's ask the man in the check-in."

The triplets walked up to the man to ask him. But he didn't even seem to make eye contact with them.

"Sir." Duncan said politely. "May we ask for your help?"

No response.

"Sir hotel guy, sir." Isadora said. Still, no one answered.

Quigley started to ring on the bell. After still no response, he rang again. And again. And again.

"Ok!" the man behind the desk said, "I can hear! What do you want?"  
"We wonder where our parents went." Isadora said, "They were here before and checked in."  
"What's your family name?" the man sighed.  
"Quagmire." the triplets said in unison.

The man, without even looking at some record or anything, just stared at them.

"There were no Quagmires checking in today."  
"Yes, there were." Quigley said. "Our parents stood here, at this desk, to check in."  
"There were no Quagmires checking in today." the man repeated.

Isadora glared at him. "Well then, fuck you."

The triplets decided to find their parents themselves. But it was a big hotel. Their parents could be anywhere.

"Where would I be if I was a parent to triplets?" Duncan asked.  
"You would keeping an eye on your triplets." Isadora said, "So they didn't go away."

Quigley sighed. "Guys, it's probably our fault for just running away to the storage closet."  
"Well, they should've kept an eye on us." Isadora noted.  
"We are eleven years old, Isadora." Quigley explained, "We are supposed to keep an eye on ourselves."  
"Have you seen how overprotective our parents are?" Isadora asked with a serious tone. "They wouldn't even let us... basically do anything."  
"I sometimes wonder if they homeschooled us because there is something evil that's trying to take us." Duncan said.   
"We can't go to the other side of the street of our home." Isadora said, "But we can take a trolley to Briny Beach without them blinking."  
"Yeah." Quigley frowned, "That is a little weird. Is Briny Beach some safe place?"

Isadora suddenly looked like she had a flashback.

"Do you remember when we went to school the last time?" Isadora asked.  
"How could I forget?" Duncan said, "We released frogs."  
"Yeah, but i'm thinking of what happened while we waited for mom and dad. That man tried to take us to his car."  
"Oh, yeah!" Quigley exclaimed, "What was up with that?"  
"Also, do you remember that dream all three of us had?" Duncan said.  
"With the big apartment and the scary people in the dark?" Isadora suggested.   
"Yes. I think it wasn't a dream. How can three people have the same dream?"  
"I never believed it was a dream." Isadora said, "I think they lied to us to protect us from something."

The triplets went quiet for a while.

"You know." Duncan said, "Our parents may be overprotective, but they probably have very good reasons."  
"Yeah." Isadora sighed.  
"I wonder where they are." Quigley said. "Should we stay here? Or should we look for them?"  
"I suggest staying here." Duncan said.

The Quagmire triplets sat in the lobby for what felt like an eternity. It was actually fifteen minutes, but those minutes passed slowly.

"Hey, maybe staying here won't work." Isadora said.  
"It's weird." Duncan said, "Our parents always tell us to not go away if we get lost and stay at one place."  
"Yeah, and then they don't find us anyway!" Quigley groaned, "Yeah, we should go somewhere. There's probably a lot of awesome places at the hotel."  
"What if we play the elevator game?" Isadora asked.  
"What kind of game is that?" Duncan asked.

Isadora grinned. "It's a game where you can enter another dimension!"

Duncan gulped. "Uh, can't we just play in the elevator? Like, looking at different floors?"  
"Sounds fun!" Quigley said.

They ran towards the nearest elevator.

"Which floor shall we go to?" Isadora asked.  
"I don't know." Duncan shrugged, "Let's try every floor!"

They were on floor 1, and pressed floor 2. On floor 2 there was nothing interesting. Only people carrying luggage from left to right.  
Floor 3 only had a family with four children, who all made noises. One cried, one screamed, one laughed and one seemed to wet their pants. The triplets were glad they weren't the parents of those children.  
Floor 4, some fat guy playing a violin  
Floor 5, a girl a little younger than them screaming at her parents she doesn't have a problem with cakesniffing.  
But on floor 6...

The triplets walked out on floor 6, and looked around.

"No one seems to be here." Isadora said.  
"Strange." Duncan said. "It feels like people are here."

Suddenly, they heard voices coming from a room. Room 667.

"I don't think this is a hotel room." Quigley said. "It feels more like a discussion room."

Slowly, they opened the door. Inside was two people who seemed suprised at them opening.

"Are you volunteers?" one of them asked.  
"No?" Isadora said.  
"Sorry for interrupting." Duncan said and was about to close the door.

Suddenly, the two people dragged the door up again.

"Oh, you didn't interrupt." they said, "Not at all."

The triplets noticed these two looked to be very interested in their ankles. That made them nervous, so they ran off.

"Hey, come back!" on of the people screamed.

The triplets dashed inside the elevator, and hurried to press a number.

They reached the roof floor, where there seemed to be a lot of people sunbathing and swimming around in a pool.

"Cool place." Isadora said.  
"Yes, very cool place." a voice said slowly.

The triplets turned around, and saw that the two people on floor 6 had followed them, probably running up the stairs.

"Run!" Quigley said, and in a second, he and his siblings ran straight forward.

Straight forward was the pool. Which meant, the triplets either had to turn left or right, or jump in the pool. Naturally, they jumped in the pool with their clothes on.

As they reached the surface again, everyone were watching them with confused faces. The two people were gone. Instead, in front of them stood their parents.

"Children... there you are!" their mother exclaimed."  
"We were looking for you." Quigley explained.  
"Good thing we found each other, then." their father laughed, and helped them up from the pool.

"Aren't you going to ask why we were in the pool?" Duncan asked.  
"No, sweetie." their mother smiled, "Let's just go to the hotel room and fix you up."


	22. Short brunches and wreckless drivers

The Quagmire triplets sat in the car with probably the most wreckless driver they ever experienced.

"I am sorry we met like this." the driver said. She glanced at the triplets in the mirror. "My name is Kit Snicket."  
"Snicket?" Quigley asked, "Like, Jacques Snicket?"  
"He has a thing for Jacques." Isadora snorted, and Quigley pinched her arm.  
"I can understand that." Kit said, "Jacques was my brother and he was very handsome. He is actually the reason I picked you up."

She suddenly looked back, and flinched.

"What's wrong?" Duncan asked.  
"I think there is a car following us." Kit explained, "Hold on."

As the triplets glanced behind them, they saw a black car slowly but steady following them. Kit made a quick turn. And suddenly, she drove the car into the bushes.

"What the fuck!" Isadora exclaimed.  
"I apologise." Kit said slowly, as she stopped the car. "Let's go out. A volunteer has prepared brunch for us."

The triplets, confused as heck, walked out of the car and looked around. Not far from them lied a picnic basket.

"I really shouldn't drive in my condition." Kit slightly giggled, and stood up to show the Quagmires what she meant. Her belly was very large, just like many pregnant womens babies looked like. The triplets were however well-raised, despite their chaotic nature, and didn't want to mention it in case Kit wasn't actually pregnant and just had gained a lot of weight.

Kit sat down in the grass. "I'm distraght and pregnant. I easily get hungry."

With a confirmation that she was in fact pregnant, the triplets felt more comfortable.

The picnic basket was full of small cookies and sandwhiches, plus some fruits. As they were eating, Kit was explaining more what was happening.

"So you know the basics of VFD?" she asked.  
"Kinda." Quigley said. "They put out fires."  
"But there is also a bad side that starts fires." Duncan added.  
"Correct." Kit said, "Once, VFD was a noble organisation, but then there was a schism... I was four years old. Do you know what a schism is?"  
"Yes." Duncan said.

Kit smiled. "You remind me so much of your parents. I was very sad when they passed."  
"We thought they were alive in the mountains." Isadora explained, "But instead we ended up meeting Sunny Baudelaire."  
"Sunny is such a strong volunteer." Kit said. "I actually met her before I picked you up."

The triplets gave her curious looks.

"I found Sunny when I was looking for the sugar bowl." Kit explained, "Despite her young age, she is extremly independent. Which, is of course concerning for a normal baby. But I promise you, I helped her to safety."  
"You did?" Isadora asked.  
"Yes. I had heard of a certain hot air mobile home that was flying through the sky and I helped her get to it."

The Quagmire triplets got excited.

"She reunited with Violet and Klaus?" Quigley asked.  
"Are they coming here?" Isadora asked.  
"When was this?" Duncan asked.

Kit giggled. "I only helped Sunny to climb up the ladder there. All volunteers got the message to come here on thursday, so they should come."  
"What's going to happen here on thursday?" Quigley asked.

Kit sighed. "If it all goes well, the firestarters will be stopped once and for all."  
"Ok, but what's gonna happen-"  
"The message was sent by J.S." Kit said, interrupting. "I only know Jacques Snicket, my brother. But he's dead. So I need your help."  
"You need our help to find out who J.S is?" Duncan asked.

Kit nodded. "There is going to be a lot of people in hotel Denoument, and I need your help to see if J.S is an enemy or a friend. That is, if you want to. You're volunteers."  
"We want to." Quigley said quickly, although his siblings looked to not be so sure.  
"Great." Kit said. She brought out three red outfits that looked to be in the triplets size. "I want you to go undercover as concierges in the hotel. You'll be flaneurs. Children make the best flaneurs because no one pays attention to them."

The Quagmire triplets gave her pityful smiles, and nodded.

"I already have an inside man who knows you're coming." Kit continued, "Or, I think it was him..."  
"What do you mean?" Isadora asked.  
"Well, the hotel has two managers. They are identical brothers named Frank and Ernest. Frank is with us, you can trust him. But Ernest has unfortunately joined the firestarters. Do not trust him at all. It's important you reveal yourself to the right brother."  
"How do we know who's who?" Duncan asked.  
"There's a certain gleam in the eye volunteers have. You just know." Kit assured them, even though the Quagmires didn't seem so sure. "So. Are you ready, Quagmires?"

Half an hour later, the Quagmire triplets had changed clothes to concierge uniforms and were nervously walking into the hotel.

"This is a big hotel." Duncan gulped. "What if we get lost?"  
"I hope not." Isadora said, "I want to see Violet again."

Quigley gave her a grin. "Yeah. We will do this for the Baudelaires. They will definetly come here on thursday, and if we survive this we will see them again."  
"I hope Klaus will be impressed with how dark my voice has gotten." Duncan bragged. His siblings giggled, because Duncan still had a pretty high pitched voice.

Hand in hand, they walked inside.

They were immediately greeted by a man with a curly moustache.

"Hello." he said, "You must be the new concierges."  
"Uh, correct." Quigley said.  
"Perfect. I have been expecting you. If you are who I think you are."

The siblings glanced at him.

"Are you Frank or Ernest?" Isadora asked. Her brothers wanted to ask the same question, but only she dares.  
"Yes." the man said, "Now, let me tell you a little about what your work is here. The guests of hotel Denoument are interested in all kinds of things. The hotel is divided into the Dewey Decimal System. So I hope you know how that works, because you're screwed otherwise."

The triplets exchanged worrysome looks. They did study that system a year or so ago, because their parents said it could be important, and they only remembered some parts of it. Oh well, they would manage.

"When a bell rings, you'll go to the guest and do whatever they tell you to do." Frank or Ernest said.

As he said it, three bells rang simontaneously. They rang from a room in floor 3, a room in floor 6 and a floor without a number. The triplets guessed that might be the rooftop.

"Very well!" Frank or Ernest exclaimed, "Three bells, three concierges! Looks like you have to split up!"  
"But-" Duncan began.  
"No hesitation! The guests are waiting!"

He shoved the triplets on their way to a nearby elevator.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, the triplets felt a little anxious about what's to come.


	23. Three triplets, three bells

Quigley went off on the rooftop. The first thing he saw was a bunch of people sitting around a pool and chatting. He wondered who called him, but then he heard a high pitched scream.

"Concierge! There you are!"

Quigley froze. In front of him lied a woman in a lettuce bikini, drinking parsley soda.

"Oh, Esmé!" the woman next to her said. It was Geraldine Julienne, the real villain of this story. "You are so in to sunbathe in a lettuce bikini. How do you make it not fall off?"

Quigley glanced at Geraldine Julienne, who also had a lettuce bikini, but the bikini seemed to fall off her all the time, so she was busy covering her body parts. He quickly looked away, and coughed to make himself seen.

"Yes, concierge." Esmé said, "You're late, that's not very in. I summoned you to give that adorable girl whatever her heart desires."  
"I'm not a girl! I'm a ball-playing cowboy superhero soldier pirate!"

Quigley turned around to see Carmelita, dressed up like some five year old who couldn't decide what dress up she wanted to wear from the kindergarden dress up box.

"Carmelita is exploring her tomboy side." Esmé explained, "Isn't she adorable?"  
"She is." Geraldine Julienne said, "Now, why in the world is Esmé Squalor and her daughter here?"  
"She's not my daughter. We are here on... a secret mission."  
"Esmé Squalor on a secret mission! Wait until the readers of the daily punctulio hear about this!"

Quigley leaned forward to hear what this was about.

"Tell me, Esmé." Geraldine Julienne said, "I noticed you were watching the sky, and as a reporter I want to ask why in Handlers name you do that."  
"Well..." Esmé said. She took a brief pause, biting her lip. "Because bird watching is in."

"Esmé!" Carmelita screamed, "The concierge is not doing anything and just stands there and stares!"  
"I'm terribly sorry, Carmelita." Quigley said. "What is it that you want?"  
"Lemon sorbet with cherry on top."

Quigley nodded. "Okay."

He was just about to turn around to find sorbet, when Carmelita added one thing.

"Oh. And I also want an harpoon gun."

Shocked, Quigley took the elevator back down to the lobby. His plan was to give her sorbet and then tell her there was no harpoon gun available. But he decided to ask a manager for help.

He walked forward to someone who looked like Frank, or Ernest.

"Excuse me." he said in a disguised voice, "A guest asked for something that I think might be innapropriate."  
"And what may that be?" Frank or Ernest asked.  
"A harpoon gun."

Frank or Ernest stared at him. "Oh?"  
"Yes. She also asked for sorbet, so I think I should just-"  
"We always give the guests what they want. If your guest wants a harpoon gun, she should have one."

Quigley frowned. "How did you know the guest was female?"

Frank or Ernest didn't respond, and instead went over to a supply closet. He took out a harpoon gun from there, and gave it to a doubting Quigley.

And right as Quigley took the harpoon gun in his hands, the big clock on the wall in the lobby striked three. A loud sound echoed through the building. The sound matched how Quigley felt at that moment.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Isadora walked off on floor 6, trying to remember which room called. But as soon as she walked off the elevator, someone opened a door.

"Ah, concierge! I called!"

Isadora turned around, and saw someone she recogonized. It takes one to know one, as she told him.

"I'm looking for my partner." Charles from Lucky Smells lumbermill said. "We were supposed to meet in the sauna."  
"Well, where did you see the sauna last?" Isadora asked, hoping she didn't have to find a sauna when she barely knew the system of the hotel.

Charles thought for a second. "Hm, I believe it to be in the end of the hallway. Can you go with me?"  
"Of course, Sir."   
"Oh, i'm not Sir. That was my former partner, but then I realised how bad that worked."

Isadora smiled as he said that. Though, she wondered who his partner would be if it wasn't Sir. She lead Charles down the hall, and to her delight, there was a door with a large sign named "sauna".

As soon as she opened the door, another familiar voice was heard.

"Who's there? I can't see much in the fog."  
"It's me!" Charles cheered, "And the concierge."  
"Ah, concierge." the man in the room said, "Would you bring me some aqueous martinis, even if they are out?"

Isadora grinned, realising it was who she though it was. _Jerome Squalor_.

"Who cares if they're in or not?" Charles asked. Jerome looked delighted by hearing him say that.  
"Now." Jerome said, "My partner and I have some secret business to attend."  
"Of course, my men." Isadora said in her disguised voice. She then covered her mouth, because she thought she sounded like a boy.

But she closed the sauna, though she still pressed her head against the door to listen to their conversation.

"I hope we weren't rude to the concierge." Charles said.  
"No, don't worry." Jerome assured him, "She understood."  
"How did you know it was a she?"

Jerome shrugged. "It just felt like it. She looked oddly similar to a girl I knew."  
"Yes, I agree!" Charles gasped, "She reminded me of a girl that once told me that it takes one to know one. That might be my favorite sentence since."  
"But I think we need to speak quieter." Jerome said, "There are enemies lurking everywhere."  
"Yes, and we have to be careful if we want everything to go well on thursday."

Isadora wanted to eavesdrop more, when one of the managers suddenly appeared out of thin air.

"Ah! Concierge!"

Isadora wondered if that's really how you greet concierges, but she said no more about it.

"I need you to help me, concierge." Frank or perhaps Ernest said. "I need you to take this roll of paper to the nearest window. But be careful when rolling it out, because it is very sticky."  
"Is it flypaper? Does the hotel have a problem with insects?"  
"No, we have a problem with birds."

Isadora frowned.

"Can I trust you to help me put it out?"  
"Only if I can trust you..." Isadora said, in her sassy way.

The manager shrugged, and lead her to an opening window.

As she was putting out the flypaper, she could hear the large clock.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Duncan walked off anxiously on floor 3. He thought it was room 333, and carefully knocked on it.

"Who dares to interrupt a genius when he's stroking his violin?"

Duncan gulped. The door opened, and he got eye contact with a man eating a banana. It was his old teacher, Mr. Ramora.  
"There you are, concierge." he said. "Excuse the screaming man. He for some reasons practises his violin in the bathroom."

Duncan could hear a loud sound of someone playing a violin badly, and got uncomfortable as he only knew one person who would play a violin.

"Oh, is the concierge here?" a woman said. Duncan recogonized her as Miss Bass, another teacher from Prufrock Prep.  
"Concierge, we need to eat lunch. Can you take us to a lunch place?"

Duncan gulped. "Er... what do you want to eat?"  
"There was some restaurant at floor 9." Remora said. "Maybe we should go there."  
"Sure." Bass shrugged.

Vice Principal Nero slammed the bathroom door open and stared at Duncan.

"Wow, that concierge looks like a teenage boy. I thought I wouldn't have to see any more children."  
"Shall I follow you to the restaurant?" Duncan awkwardly asked.

The three school employees gave him a glance, and nodded.

Duncan lead them to the elevator, and pressed floor 9.

He was nervous he wouldn't be able to find the restaurant, but it was a pretty big room right next to the elevator.

"Hello!" said a man by the entrance. He was wearing a turban, but Duncan recogonized him anyway. It was Hal, who worked with the Quagmires at Heimlich hospital.

"Could you make the food fast?" Nero asked. "We are starving."  
"I didn't realise this was a sad occasion." Hal said.  
"It will be if you don't feed us!"

Duncan followed the teachers to a table.

"Hey concierge." Miss Bass said, "Fetch me a napkin, would you?"  
"Yes, ma'am." Duncan said. He decided to go into the kitchen, where he noticed Hal was going. He wanted to see why he was here and what was going on.

Inside was Hal and one of the managers. Duncan didn't know if it was Frank or Ernest.

"We need to fix this if everything's going to be well on thursday." Hal said. Then, he turned around to see Duncan staring at them.  
"Ah, concierge!" Ernest or perhaps Frank exclaimed. "I need your help with putting up a very important lock."  
"I see." Duncan nodded.

They went over to the elevator, after Duncan awkwardly threw a napkin at miss Bass from a distance. As they got inside, the manager pressed number 0 and the elevator got down.

The elevator opened to door, with a window to look inside. There were only piles and piles of laundry. Laundry room, of course.

"Now." the manager explained, "I want you to put this lock on the door."  
"How so?" Duncan asked, hoping that wasn't the wrong question.

The manager stared at him. "Am I who I think you are?"

Duncan gulped. He didn't know if this was Frank or Ernest, and he didn't want to say his identity to the wrong manager. So he just said:

"I'm a concierge."

The manager backed a bit. Then he sighed.

"Enemies can try to find something important, and we don't want to risk it. Please, help me put the lock on the laundry room door."

Duncan just nodded and started to put the lock up. As he did, he heard a bell.

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

As the three Quagmire triplets had ran their errands, they met again in the lobby to talk about what they experienced.

And things were only going to get wilder...


	24. Terrible tragic things

The triplets sat in the lobby. It was pretty late at the evening, and all three of them had told the others what they had done while they seperated.

"So you met Frank or Ernest too when the clock striked three?" Quigley asked Isadora.  
"Uh-huh." Isadora said, "Did I mention Charles and Jerome are a couple?"  
"Yeah, only like five times." Duncan smirked.  
"But Duncan." Quigley said, "You met Frank or Ernest at three o'clock too?"  
"Sure did."

Quigley looked confused. "How can they be three managers when there's only two?"  
"I don't know." Isadora shrugged. "Maybe twins have clone powers, just like triplets have telepathic conversations."  
"But it seems like everything is connected." Quigley said, "Like, the harpoon gun. The flypaper. The lock on the door."  
"Maybe Carmelita was going to shoot a bird." Isadora noted, "Because Frank or Ernest said they had problems with birds."  
"If she's gonna shoot a bird..." Duncan added, "What if the bird carried something important that would land on in the laundry room, which made them have to lock it?"

The triplets were silent for a while, before coming to a conclusion.

"The sugar bowl!" they shouted in unison.

As they said that, they suddenly saw a silhouette from the roof. It slowly climbed down with a rope.

"Is that Frank?" Quigley asked.  
"Or Ernest?" Isadora asked.

The silhouette reached the ground.

"Quagmires." he said.

The triplets just stared at him, not knowing if this was Frank or Ernest.

"Are you Frank or Ernest?" Duncan asked.

The man smirked. "That's an interesting question."  
"So you're not Frank or Ernest?" Isadora frowned.  
"My name is Dewey Denoument. Frank and Ernest are my brothers."

The Quagmire triplets blinked.

"We are triplets, just like you." Dewey said.  
"Oh." Duncan sqeaked.  
"Frank and Ernest get all the attention." Dewey explained, "Most people think I don't exist... and that's fine by me. I work in the shadows and wind the clock. That's what I don't like about VFD. All the smoke and mirrors."  
"VFD sounds so awful." Isadora muttered.

Dewey sighed. "Before the schism, VFD was like a public library. Anyone could join us and have access to all the information we’d acquired. Volunteers all over the globe were reading each other’s research, learning of each other’s observations, and borrowing each other’s books. For a while it seemed as if we might keep the whole world safe, secure and smart."   
"Ok, that's sounds really wonderful." Quigley said hopefully.  
"I guess it was." Dewey shrugged. "I was four when the schism began. As our parents were hanging balloons for our fifth birthday, me and my brothers were taken."

The triplets became quiet.

"Oh..." Quigley said, as if he was suprised by this.  
"Did your parents miss you?" Duncan asked.  
"They perished in a fire not long after I was taken."

Isadora took a deep breath. "Well, I have no good feeling about VFD at all."  
"The schism becomes worse and worse with each generation." Dewey sighed. "Less and less noble places and noble people. Hopefully, everything will change on thursday."  
"Yeah, what's gonna happen on thursday?" Isadora asked.

Dewey smiled. "Finally, all the noble people in the world will meet up again, along with the research they have done, all observations they have made and all the books they have read. Just as a library catalog can tell you where a certain book is located, this catalog can tell you the location and behavior of every volunteer and every villain. While noble people wandered the world observing treachery, my comrade and I have been right here gathering all the information together. We’ve taken every crime, every theft, every wicked deed, and every incident of rudeness since the schism began, and catalogued them into an entire library of misfortune. Eventually, each crucial secret ends up in my catalog. It has truly been my life's work."

Duncan suddenly looked kind of impressed.

"Ok, as an aspiring journalist, writing down everything about certain people is like, my ultimate dream. It's sad to think about the fact that I haven't done any journalism for a long while."  
"And I haven't written any new poems since prufrock." Isadora sighed.  
"And I haven't explored maps just for fun since before our burned down." Quigley sniffed.

Dewey bent down. "Hey, I know."  
"Where is that library, anyway?" Isadora asked.

Dewey lead them outside.

"Right here."  
"Wait, in the pond?" Isadora snorted, "Are you a mermaid?"

Dewey giggled slightly. "The truth has been right under everyones noses, if anyone cared to look past the surface. Our enemies could burn the place to the ground and we would still have the most important secrets safe."  
"Why are you telling us this secret?" Quigley asked.  
"Because you should know." Dewey said. "You’ve wandered the world, observing more villainy and gathering more evidence than most people do in a lifetime. Who better than you to keep the world’s most important secrets?"

Isadora looked confused. "Wait, what?"

"After thursday, you won't be lost at sea anymore." Dewey said and smiled. "I hope you decide this will be your permanent home."  
"Say what now?" Duncan coughed.  
"I need a cartographer who can sort out where in the world the research has been found from. I need a poet who can make codes inside poems. I need a journalist to write down important details about people and objects. So what do you say, Quagmires?"

The triplets couldn't answer, because they were interrupted by a taxi that came towards them.

"Thank you." said the woman who walked out of the taxi. "My suitcase is already here."

As she was done thanking the driver, she turned around. When the triplets saw her, they knew exactly who she was.

"Justice Strauss!" they yelled happily in unison, and ran up to her to give her a hug.  
"My triplets!" Strauss exclaimed, "My children! Finally, I have found you!"  
"You've been looking for us?" Duncan asked.  
"Of course!"  
"Are you a volunteer?" Isadora asked.  
"I... guess you could say that."

"She has helped us a lot." Dewey said proudly. "She has reported the details of your case to the other judges in the High Court, and done critical research on injustice."

"When I was looking for you, I found selfish plots to steal your sapphires." Justice Strauss explained. "I wrote us a book to help with the trial called "_Odious Lusting After Finance". _It's the history of greedy villains, treacherous girlfriends, burgling bankers, and all the other people responsible for injustice."  
"Fuck yes." Isadora said. "Let everyone die."  
"No one is dying." Strauss said nervously.

"But wait." Duncan said, "Help us with the trial?"  
"Yes, haven't you heard?" Justice Strauss asked suprised.  
"VFD has researched an entire catalog of Olaf's treachery." Dewey explained, "On Thursday, Justice Strauss and the other judges of the High Court will hear from each and every one of our volunteers. All of the villains will finally be brought to justice."

"Well, well, well..." a very unfriendly voice said. "Wouldn't that be wonderful?"

Everyone turned around, and there he was.

"Let me at him!" Isadora said and was dragged back by her brothers.  
"Count Olaf..." Justice Strauss mumbled.  
"Isn't this a pleasant suprise?" Olaf chuckled, "I finally have you orphans in my clutches."  
"No you don't." the triplets said in unison and rolled their eyes. They were tired of this man by this point.  
"That's what you think, orphan. Hand them over, Ernest."

Dewey smirked. "I'm not Ernest."  
"Well then, hand them over, Frank."  
"I'm not Frank either."

Olaf looked confused. "But you're definetly one of those twins."  
"Triplets. Triplets run in my family. I'm Dewey Denoument."  
"Dewey Denoument is not real!" Olaf protested.  
"He's obviously here." Duncan groaned.

As Duncan spoke, Olaf grinned again.

"You better watch out. I have associates in this hotel lurking everywhere."  
"So do we." Dewey said.  
"How do you know they are noble?" Olaf asked. "You can't rely on them anyway. Why, Hookie and that sister of his stole my submarine and kicked me out."

The Quagmires cheered on the inside as he said that.

Before anything more happened, two other unfriendly people arrived.

"Countie!" Carmelita sqeaked, "Look! I have an harpoon gun!"  
"Don't wave it around, child." Olaf groaned, "It's not a toy."  
"But Countie, you said if I can shoot a bird you would teach me how to spit!"  
"Esmé Squalor and Carmelita Spats." Dewey sighed, "My library has a numbers of files of your treachery."  
"Don't waste time with them, darling." Esmé spat, "Use the harpoon gun Duncan gave you only for the sugar bowl."  
"I didn't give her a harpoon gun!" Duncan protested.  
"Well, someone of you three gave her a harpoon gun."

The triplets felt anxious by the fact that Esmé had seen through their disguises.

"I don't care who gave it to me." Carmelita said, "Although I hope it was Isadora, because she's the prettiest. Anyway, I shot a crow!"  
"And the crow hit the birdpaper someone of you three helped Ernest put out!" Esmé cheered.  
"You helped Ernest put out birdpaper?" Justice Strauss asked.  
"Yes." Isadora sighed. "It was me. What else could I do? I was on concierge errands."  
"Anyway!" Carmelita screamed, "Countie, I shot the bird so now you can teach me to spit!"

Count Olaf took a long sigh.

"Tell me where the sugar bowl is." Esmé said, "Or this little girl will harpoon you."  
"I will not harpoon anyone until Countie teaches me to spit!"

Suddenly, Olaf turned red.

"I will never teach you to spit as long as I live! Do as we say! I already bought you that ridiculous outfit and that boat for the swimming pool!"  
"Teach me to spit!"  
"Point the weapon!"  
"Teach me to spit!"  
"Point the weapon!  
"Spit!"  
"Weapon!"  
"Spit!"   
"Weapon!"

"Darling!" Esmé yelled, "You promised her! You can't break your promise!"  
"I never wanted to have her anyway!" Olaf screamed, and pushed Carmelita to the ground, snatching the harpoon gun.

Carmelita started to wail, and Esmé snapped.

"Apologise to her at once!"  
"Never! And you know what, Esmé? I'm tired of you, too! You only care about the sugar bowl and what's in and out!"  
"Oh, screw you!" Esmé whined.

Olaf stared at his girlfriend, who right at his second would be his ex. "Esmé. You're fired.  
"You can't fire me, I quit!" Esmé screamed.

Then, she and Carmelita walked away with angry steps.

Olaf pointed the harpoon gun at Dewey.

"I know there's a lock to the laundry room. Tell me the code."  
"You won't find anything in the laundry room." Dewey said slowly, "It's a decoy."  
"Don't try to fool me! Tell me the code!"

Dewey shrugged. "Sure. The first clue is the one medical condition the three Quagmire triplets share."  
"It's cool to use something about us as a clue." Isadora said, "But that's also very creepy. It just confirms your organisation has been spying on us."  
"The second clue is the weapon that left you an orphan, Olaf." Dewey continued.

Olaf looked like he got a little nervous.

"And the third clue," Dewey said, "Is the famous unfathomable question in the best-known novel by Richard Wright."  
"How am I supposed to know that?" Olaf growled, "Tell me the answers now or I'll shoot you!"

He pointed the gun at Dewey, who just stood there.

"Your choice." Olaf said. "_One!_"  
"Stop in the name of the law!" Justice Strauss screamed.  
"_Two!"_  
"What the fuck?" Quigley exclaimed.  
"_Three!"_  
"If you're gonna shoot him, shoot me too!" Quigley yelled, standing in front of Dewey.  
"I don't mind that. _Four!"_

Isadora walked forward too.

"Five!"

"Why are you doing this?" Justice Strauss cried.  
"Because if he shoots us, he'll never get our sapphires!" Isadora exclaimed.  
"There's still a triplet left." Olaf grinned, "_Six!"_

As he said that, Duncan stepped forward.

"Seven!"

"You can't shoot all of us." Duncan said.  
"And you can be shot!" Olaf replied. "_Eight!"_

But slowly, he seemed to lower the harpoon gun.

"N-nine..."

Suddenly, someone opened a balcony.

"Hey! What's all the noise down there?"

As Olaf heard that, he quickly threw the gun into the triplets hands, and ran off. The triplets got so startled, they dropped the gun on the ground.

"Quagmires?" a familiar voice said. It was Mr. Poe from the bank. But the Quagmires didn't even pay attention to him. They paid attention to Deweys chest, who slowly started to become red.

"Dewey!" Quigley screamed.

The harpoon gun had released a harpoon while being dropped on the ground, and Dewey was the victim.

"Dewey!" Isadora and Duncan cried.

But Dewey only stared into oblivion.

"Kit..."

Then, he fell into the pond.

Suddenly, a lot of guests turn on their lights and opened their windows.

"What's going on out there?"  
"Someone shot someone! I saw it while I was stroking my violin! It was really exciting!"  
"Yes, I saw it too! It was that Count Olaf!"  
"No, it was those triplets from the daily punctulio!"  
"They look like my mother!"  
"Frank Denoument was shot by the Quagmire twins!"  
"Come back to bed, Bruce."

The Quagmire triplets looked frightened.

"Everyone calm down!" Justice Strauss informed.

And in the middle of this chaos, a taxi came up. The children thought it was Kit, and ran up. But out came a man.

"Do you kids need a ride?"


	25. Sheesh, a fucking trial?

The taxi man waited for the triplets to answer.

"Yes, we want a ride." Isadora said. "We want to get out of here."  
"No, we don't want a ride." Quigley said, "We need to solve this mess."  
"They won't listen to us!" Duncan protested.  
"There's a trial." Quigley said, "Everything will be solved."

He lead his siblings away from the taxi.

"Children!" Justice Strauss exclaimed, hugging them. "We might need to start the trial already tomorrow."  
"But all the noble people who hasn't been here yet?" Quigley asked.  
"We don't have time to wait for them." Justice Strauss sighed. "Noble people should arrive early."

She then lead them inside the hotel, and up to a room.

"See you tomorrow, children."

Then, she locked the door.

"She locked us in." Duncan said.  
"Yeah, but it's only on floor 3." Isadora said, "Let's jump out."  
"Shouldn't we just go to sleep?" Quigley said.  
"You mean I should sleep after being through this?" Isadora asked.  
"Yes."

Isadora frowned. "When did you become such a big brother?"

Quigley just chuckled. Though, he did not look very happy. None of the triplets did.

The triplets were woken up by a knock on the door.

"Quagmires?"

It was Mr. Poes voice.

"Just a second, Fiona..." Quigley mumbled.  
"Violet, they locked us... inside." Isadora yawned.  
"Klaus is my boyfriend, back off!" Duncan sqeaked.

"Quagmire triplets, I don't care what you do on your freetime, but I feel like you're far too young to share beds with other people!"

Quigley was the first one to wake up properly.

"Uh- We need to change!"  
"You haven't changed yet?" mr. Poe asked. "Justice Strauss asked me to lead you to the trial."

The triplets slowly got up, and noticed there were hanging three sets of clothes in the room's closet. And a note.

"I hope these fit! I know you've grown.  
Justice Strauss"

For Quigley, there was a green turtleneck with blue pants. He felt very cozy in the turtleneck, and it reminded him of the times he studied maps in his childhood home on late fall and winter nights.

For Isadora, there was blue overalls with a red shirt underneath. Plus, a red diadem to match the shirt. She felt rather stylish in it, which was a feeling she rarely felt.

And finally for Duncan, there was a yellow shirt with blue pants. He didn't have any special connection to it, but he liked to have normal clothes for once.

Mr. Poe opened the door.

"You're all set and done? Put on these blindfolds and I will lead the way."  
"Blindfolds?"   
"Yes. Justice is blind, and therefore everyone must have blindfolds."  
"That doesn't make sense." Isadora said, "But I don't care. Let's just have this fucking trial."

It was hard to be lead by an already blind person. Poe was terrible at leading them, and soon enough they bumped into other people too.

"Bruce! Where are you?" a man asked.  
"Carmelita!" Esmé screamed, "I can't hear your tapdancing!"  
"Mother?"  
"Olaf?"  
"Violet?"  
"Olivia?"  
"Jerome?"  
"Darling?"  
"VFD!"

Suddenly they heard a bang.

"Order!" Justice Strauss said, "The trial is about to start. Please take your seats."

Everyone waltzed around and seemed to find a seat.

"Quagmires!" Justice Strauss exclaimed, "You have reserved seats. Take three steps ahead. Now, take two steps to the left. Good. You may sit down."

The triplets sat down as they noticed mr. Poe walked away somewhere else.

After a while, it seemed like all the people had found a place to sit.

"Welcome to the trial." Justice Strauss informed, "Because of the tradgedy of mr. Denoument, the trial is held today instead of thursday. Anyone who takes out their blind folds will be found guilty of contempt of court. We will start immediately."

The Quagmires heard someone push forward someone.

"Please state your name." Justice Strauss said.  
"Count Olaf." Count Olaf replied.  
"Occupation?"  
"Actor."  
"Are you guilty or innocent?"

Silence broke out. The triplets could almost see Olaf smirking.

"I'm as innocent as can be."

"Fucker." Isadora whispered.

Confused mumbles was heard around the room. Justice Strauss banged several times to make everyone quiet.

"Now, it's time for the Quagmire triplets." she ordered. The triplets were unsure what to do, so they just continued to sit on their seats. That seemed to be the right thing, because Justice Strauss started to talk to them.

"Please state your names."  
"Quigley Quagmire."  
"Isadora Quagmire."  
"Duncan Quagmire."

Justice Strauss went quiet for some seconds, before continuing.

"Occupations?"  
"Cartographer."  
"Poet."  
"Journalist."  
"Objection!" Count Olaf screamed, "Their real occupations are orphans, or inheritans of the Quagmire sapphires."  
"Your objection has been noted." Justice Strauss muttered. "Now, Quagmires... are you innocent or guilty?"

Once again, it was silent in the room. The Quagmires would of course say they are innocent, but along their travels they have done many things that weren't very noble. Stealing, running away, helping to burn down a carnival- no wait, they didn't do that in this story. Olaf burnt down the hotel all by himself.

"We are..." Quigley said, "...comparatively innocent."

A series of mumbles was heard again.

"Silence!" Justice Strauss said. "Now, it's time to take in submissions for the court go through, so we can decide who's innocent and who's not."

The Quagmire triplets heard people stand up, and clumsily walk forward to the court table.

"I submit newspaper articles!"  
"I submit grade books!"   
"I submit financial records!"  
"I submit carnival posters!"  
"I submit a dead crow!"  
"I submit this movie directed by some guy named Brad Silberling!"  
"I submit my mother!"  
"I submit this book series by Lemony Snicket!"

All the noises and voices made the Quagmires zone out and just be very unfocused.

As Justice Strauss banged on the table again, the triplets got focus again.

"Now." she explained, "Both accused parts will have a chance to tell their side of the story. Count Olaf, you start."

The Quagmires could hear Count Olaf confidently walk forward. They wondered why he was so happy when he was more or less going to be put to jail.

"My name is Count Olaf and I am innocent." he said, giggling.  
"And?" Justice Strauss asked.  
"That's it. That's everything I have to say for myself."

"Alright, Quagmires." Justice Strauss said kindly, "It's your turn to tell your side of the story. You can start when you are ready."

The triplets were nervous, but took each other hands and stood up. It was their time now. They had not prepared for it, but they knew the time was now.

"It all started when we were on Briny Beach." Quigley said. "Mr. Poe came to us and told us our parents had perished in a fire."  
"He sent us to Count Olaf." Isadora continued, "Which was the worst thing he could ever do, and I will never forgive him for it. I won't forgive that fucking banker for anything. Olaf tried to marry me!"  
"He killed our uncle Monty!" Duncan cried, "And our aunt Josephine!"  
"He hypnotised Duncan!" Quigley yelled.  
"He kidnapped the Baudelaire siblings!" Isadora sniffed.  
"He took help from Esmé Squalor, and Carmelita Spats!" Duncan screamed.

After a while, no one was sure which triplet spoke because everyone was blindfolded and the triplets more or less started to get the same voice.

  
"Everywhere we went he followed!"  
"Everywhere we were, we tried to tell people!"  
"Did the people ever listen?"  
"No one fucking listened to us! Why?"  
"I would also like to stop the daily punctulio from writing about us, because that newspaper is full of _bullshit _and _lies _and _stupidity!_"  
"We just want this to end! We aren't safe until that man is behind bars!"

Silence.

"Hmph-" Justice Strauss said.

The triplets looked confused. That wasn't a thinking "hmm" or a sympathethic "hm" or even a stubborn "hmph!". It sounded like someone getting...

"Do not worry about Justice Strauss." one of the other judges said in a deep voice. "She is only thinking."  
"Hmph! Hmph!"  
"It doesn't sound like that." Quigley said worringly.  
"Brothers, I think we need to peek." Isadora whispered.  
"But we will be arrested." Duncan said anxiously.  
"Doesn't matter. I feel like this is bullshit anyway." Isadora groaned.

And with a quick swish, the three Quagmires had removed their blindfolds.

In front of them stood the man with beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard. Between them was Justice Strauss. Her mouth was stuffed with a blindfold, making her not talk, and Olaf dragged them away.

"The Quagmires have taken off their blindfolds!" the sinister man exclaimed.  
"This trial is bullcrap!" Isadora screamed, "Everyone, take off their blindfolds! Count Olaf has kidnapped Justice Strauss!"

Multiple people stood up.

"I believe you!" Jerome Squalor said. "You have always been loyal and honest children."  
"I don't believe you!" Esmé hissed, "Olaf is too _out _to kidnap people!"

The triplets rolled their eyes, realising they would get no help from the stupid crowd.

"The orphans are running away!" the sinister woman called. "After them!"  
"Why aren't the authorities seeing any of this?" Duncan asked with tears in his eyes, while he and his siblings ran to the elevator.

They jumped inside the elevator with Olaf.

"Going somewhere?" Olaf asked.  
"Wherever you're going, we are!" Quigley growled.

And so, they went down with Olaf in the elevator, which was something they never thought they would do...


	26. Short but large escape

They reached the laundry room, where Olaf held tightly to Justice Strauss. He dug out the harpoon gun and pointed it at the triplets.

"Tell me the code!"

Duncan frowned. "Why would we tell you the code?"

"Because otherwise i'll shoot you!"

"Fine!" Isadora said, "Kill us all, please! And as ghosts, we can haunt you more than you haunt us! Also, we can visit our dearest and be with them forever."

Olaf took a deep breath. "Just type in what you're allergic to. That's the first clue."

Duncan suddenly smirked. "Sure."

He bent down and wrote _C-A-N-D-Y-C-A-N-E-S _on the lock.

"What are you doing, Duncan?" Quigley asked carefully.

"The second clue was what killed your parents." Duncan said, "Olaf, may you please tell? I'll write it in."

Olaf frowned. "Why can't I write it myself?"

"Because you can't spell correctly and I am a perfectionist when it comes to spelling!"

Olaf seemed like he was gonna ask how Duncan knows about his spelling, but considering how much he knew about the Quagmires that they probably didn't know he knew, he let it pass.

"Fine:" Olaf sighed, "If you really want to know. It's poison darts."

Without reacting, Duncan just wrote _P-O-I-S-O-N-D-A-R-T-S _and saw the second lock getting unlocked.

"What was the third clue?" he asked.

"Something with Richard Wright, I think?" Isadora suggested.

"How the hell am I supposed to know the answer?" Olaf groaned.

"That's an interesting question." Isadora and Duncan said together.

"I don't care!" Olaf yelled, "Type it in!"

"Don't help the villain!" Justice Strauss cried. "Why do you help him?"

Duncan had just written in the last letter in _question_, and the door opened.

"Because," he said, as Olaf ran inside, "Just as Dewey said, it's a decoy. The sugar bowl isn't here."

"What?" Olaf growled, "Then, where is it?"

"That secret died with Dewey Denoument." Duncan explained sternly.

Olaf let out an angered groan.

"That's it! I'm gonna get the medusoid mycelium and poison this fucking hotel!"

"No!" Justice Strauss exclaimed.

"You realise you will die too if you release it?" Isadora snickered.

"Oh no, I will take the _Carmelita II _from the roof and sail away." Olaf said.

Quigley rolled his eyes. "That won't work. The pressure of gravity will smash the boat into pieces. But do it, so you can die."

Olaf hissed at him. "Well, I guess i'll add gravity to my list of enemies."

Suddenly, Isadora lit up.

"I'll help you take down the boat from the roof!"

"What?" everyone said.

"Isadora, I thought you wanted Olaf to die the most of everyone?" Quigley exclaimed.

"I do." she admitted, "But no one is safe with Olaf around."

"Alright!" Olaf cheered, "Let's go poison some people!"

"No." Isadora said.

Everyone stared at her.

"Let's burn down the hotel."

"Fucking _what?_" Quigley yelled.

"You heard me. Let's burn it down. Why waste the precious medusoid mycelium?"

Olaf smiled. "Finally, one of you orphans are getting in my footsteps! It's time to get back on my roots."

He took out a box of matches from his pocket, making Justice Strauss whimper. Then, he set fire on a pile of laundry.

"Let's go to the roof, orphans."

As they set in the elevator, Isadora made sure to be the closest to the buttons.

"Isadora, why are you helping him?" Quigley asked.

Isadora pushed every button on the elevator.

"What are you doing?!" Olaf complained. "Now we will stop at every floor before the roof."

"Exactly." Isadora said, and smirked.

Her brothers smirked too.

"Great idea!" Justice Strauss said, "Then we can warn everyone!"

They reached the first floor, where people were just walzing around.

"There's a fire!" Isadora exclaimed, "Leave the building!"

"Why would we believe them?" Nero screamed, as he stumbled on his own shoes. "They are nothing but trouble!"

"I believe them!" Mr. Remora screamed, "They were always very kind and honest students!"

"I don't care!" Mrs. Bass yelled, "I just want to rob another bank!"

Second floor. Jerome and Charles held hands.

"Fire!" Quigley yelled, "Evacuate the building!"

"Oh my!" Charles exclaimed, "Darling, we better hurry!"

"Let's go left!" Jerome said, and bumped into his partner.

The triplets sighed at them.

Third floor. Mr. Poe was spinning around in some weird dance.

"There's a-" Duncan began, but realised he did not care about Mr. Poe at all.

But Justice Strauss cared, and screamed: "There's a fire!"

"What?" Mr. Poe said. "Justice Strauss, is that you? Is there really a fire?"

As he said this, he continued to spin around like he was playing _put the tail on the horse _or a game of blind tag.

"Yes!" Justice Strauss exclaimed, "Please, hurry out before it's too late!"

"I will!" Mr. Poe replied and fell onto the floor.

Fourth floor. Carmelita and Esmé stomped around.

"There's a fire!" Isadora said. Even if she didn't like either of these ladies, she still wanted them to not burn, for some reason.

Esmé frowned. "Why would I believe you?"

"Oh, trust us." Olaf said in a sarcastic tone. "There's a _big _fire. Also, the sugar bowl is not in the laundry room."

"The _sugar bowl is in the laundry room?! _Come on, Carmelita! Finally, the sugar bowl is mine!"

The Quagmire triplets sighed once again.

Fifth floor. Two people the Quagmires did not recogonize.

"There's a fire." Quigley said carefully, not knowing if this was someone noble or evil.

"How marvelous!" said the first person. "Let's bring marshmallows!"

"Yes, and let's perform our ritual to Satan!" said the other one.

Weirded out, the triplets slowly closed the door again.

On all the other floors, there were either no people at all, or just people who didn't bother to react to anything. Which meant, they soon reached the rooftop.

Olaf grabbed the soccer ball which Carmelita had used before. He found a zipper under it and unzipped it, revealing the helmet with the medusoid mycelium.

"Let's go on the boat, orphans." he said.

The triplets looked back, and realised the hotel Denoument was starting to collapse. They couldn't go back down. It would be too dangerous. So instead, they risked their life in another way.

"We have to make a drag chute!" Quigley said, "Quick! Pull them down and tie them to the end of the boat!"

His siblings nodded and did as he told them to.

"Quagmires, this is not the right way!" Justice Strauss said, "Let's go!"

"We're sorry." Isadora said, "But we have to take the boat. Come with us."

"No!"

As she said that, Olaf jumped into the boat with the medusoid mycelium.

"I'm the captain on this boat!"

"Please, Quagmires." Justice Strauss whimpered. She started to form tears.

The Quagmire triplets gave her sad smiles.

"Goodbye, Justice Strauss." they said.

As soon as they said it, the boat fell from the roof.

Olaf screamed. The triplets were just quiet.

This was it. They would die.

They saw all the windows from the hotel burning. _It was their time._

But suddenly, the boat started to slowly fly.

It landed smoothly in the water. The drag chute had worked.

The Quagmire triplets looked back, and saw the flames rising behind them.

This was it. This was the end.


	27. The last flashbacks

_"Quigley, give me back my book on female finnish poets!"_   
_"Isadora, give me back my notebook from last year!"_   
_"Duncan, give me back my map on Vancouver!"_

_The Quagmire triplets chased each other around the house. As they did, their mother walked into the library. She sighed._

_"Aren't you a little too old to chase each other around?"_   
_"We are never too old!" Isadora shouted, as she jumped onto the sofa._

_This took place only a year ago. Things are so much different now._

"Row faster, orphans!"

Isadora sat on the other side of the boat, as far away from Olaf as she could.

"We don't have any oars." she groaned. "And the wind has stopped."  
"Know it all." Olaf muttered.

Duncan looked like he was about to sleep. Quigley just stared at the water, tired of everything.

"While you orphans continue to complain, I have come up with a plan." Olaf announced.

Quigley frowned. "Uh, you complained a second ago-"  
"I didn't ask for your opinion, brat! Now, we won't have to sail around on _Carmelita II..."_

The triplets gave him a tired glance as he finished his sentence.

"...because I am changing it to _Olaf_!"

_As he said that, the triplets got reminded on the 2 years ago. They had just turned 12 and followed their parents to the town. Their mother had gone into a bank and they waited at a fountain with their father. The waiting made the triplets bored, so Isadora started to splash water at Quigley._

_"Hey!" he giggled, and splashed water back._

_The water came on Isadora's shirt, so she as a revenge pulled Quigley into the fountain._

_"Isadora, what the f-"_   
_"Don't swear!" Duncan ordered. Because he was a boy who didn't start to swear until like, some weeks before this story began._   
_"Oh, screw you, Duncan!" Isadora giggled and pushed him in too._

_Quigley stood up in the fountain and gave his sister an annoyed smile._

_"Now it's your turn, you loser!" he giggled, and with an aggressive, but playful strength he dragged her into the fountain._

_Their father, who had stared into oblivion, suddenly became aware he had three kids to take care of. So he got a bit of a suprise when his three chipmunks had gotten all soaked up._

Olaf stood in a very pushy position as he bend over to change the name of the boat.

Literally. You could easily just kick him into the ocean.

Which is exactly what all three Quagmires thought.

"Uh." Duncan mumbled nervously.  
"We, er..." Quigley whispered.

Isadora rolled her eyes.

"Do I have to do everything here?"

Then she stood up and kicked Olaf into the ocean.

_Suddenly the triplets remembered 4 years ago. It was the time Duncan jumped out of the treehouse because he got uncomfortable by Isadora and Quigley's puberty talk. Of course they didn't push him out, he jumped out by himself. But they could see the resemblence._

Olaf let out a loud scream.

"I knew going on a boat with the Quagmire triplets was going to be a bad choice!" he complained.

"Yes, now drown." Isadora ordered.

Olaf frowned. "Child, you know I can swim? You can't really just get me to drown."

Isadora looked disappointed. Quigley and Duncan was pretty disappointed too, but they tried to hide it.

Olaf managed to climb back onto the boat.

"Well, it looks like the tables have turned and a storm is coming."

The triplets gave him a weird look.

"I meant that figuratively." he said, and pointed behind them.

As the Quagmires looked back, they noticed huge black storm clouds were coming their way.

"You meant that literally!" Duncan squeaked.

_As the storm was getting stronger, it was harder to see anything. The triplets remembered 8 years ago, when they had woken up with cold sweats. The day before they had been at a party and some creepy people had tried to kidnap them. But now they were home again._

_The scared 6-year olds ran up to their parents, who were eating breakfast like nothing._

_"Mommy, did the police take the bad people?" Quigley asked._   
_"What bad people, sweetie?" his mother asked._   
_"Those who kidnapped us yesterday!" Isadora yelled, "At the party?!"_

_Their parents just exchanged looks, and shrugged._

_"We weren't at a party yesterday." their father said. "You must've dreamt that."_   
_"All three of us can't dream the same thing!" Duncan protested._   
_"Oh yes, you can."_

_The triplets knew now that it wasn't a dream. Their parents just wanted them to not worry about what really happened. They were only protecting them._

_They have, all this time._

_When they were two years old, which they didn't even remember. Two people had tried to take them._

_When they were four, and learned to swim in a second because some people tried to kidnap them on a motor boat._

_That time at the party when they were six._

_As they entered second grade, and their parents pulled them out the first day and decided to homeschool them instead. They thought it was because they released a frog in the classroom. Turns out, it could be because a mysterious man tried to take them to his car._

_When they were nine and had fun at the carnival. That girl who claimed ballerinas were chasing her. Her parents maybe also were a part of a secret organisation, and the ballerinas tried to recruit her by chasing her through the park. But they saved her. They unknowingly saved her._

_It all came together._

_As the boat tipped overboard, the triplets thought of what made them happy._

_The Baudelaire siblings._

_Fiona._

_Uncle Monty's reptiles._

_The fact that Charles and Jerome found each other. Hope they survived the fire._

_Hector._

_Their parents..._

_Their parents, who weren't so noble as the triplets believed, but still were there for them and loved them so much..._

"Isadora? Are you awake?"

Isadora opened her eyes, and saw Duncan staring at her. She coughed.

"You're sounding like Mr. Poe." Quigley chuckled, and started to cough too.  
"Let's hope he died in the fire." Duncan snickered. "By the way, where are we?"

The siblings looked around. They appeared to be on some tropical beach.

"Ok, i'm liking this." Isadora nodded.

Then, Olaf waddled towards them. "Good, orphans. You're awake."  
"Ok, i'm not liking this as much." Isadora groaned.  
"We are on an desserted island! I'm gonna name it Olaf-land and you three will be my slaves!"

The triplets shook their heads, as they saw a little girl coming towards them.

"Castaways!" she called.

The triplets walked closer to her.

"Hello." Quigley said, "My name is Quigley Quagmire."  
"I'm Friday." said the little girl.  
"That's a nice name." Isadora complimented. "I'm Isadora, Quigleys sister."  
"I figured that out." Friday said, "You three look so much alike. I figured you must be siblings."  
"I'm Duncan." Duncan said, just because he wanted her to know his name too if she knew his siblings names.

Friday smiled at them.

"Do you live on this island?" Duncan asked.  
"Yes, all my life." Friday explained, "I can take you to our facilitator Ishmael. But i'm not sure I want to bring your friend."

She pointed at Olaf. The triplets sighed.

"He's not exactly our friend." Isadora muttered.  
"I am the king of the island!" Olaf said and danced around.  
"Our island isn't a monarchy." Friday explained. "You seem unpleasant."  
"He is very unpleasant." Quigley said.  
"He has murdered people." Isadora said. "We are really fu-"

She stopped herself as she realised this child may not be exposed to swear words.

"...we have a lot of trauma because of him and we have tried to escape him for a long time."

Friday nodded. "I see. Well, come with me. We worry about him later."

"I am the emperor of portugallia!" Olaf laughed.

The triplets sighed at him, as they had read _the emperor of portugallia _and knew how it went for the man who called himself that. It was actually quite similar to what happened earlier this day, or yesterday, depending on how long they have been unconsious after the storm. They kind of wished what happened to Jan in the book would've happened to Olaf.

But now, they turned around and followed the young girl named Friday to that facilitator.

They hoped their troubles would start to fade...


	28. I won't force you to read this

The Quagmires followed Friday into a room. Everyone was wearing robes, just like Friday. In the middle of the crowd was a bearded man, who spoke to a guy holding a birdcage.

"I don't think it would be neccesary to have any birdcages, since we don't have any birds." the bearded man said, "But I won't force you. Oh, hello Friday. Have something you want to share?"  
"Yes!" Friday exclaimed, "I found some castaways!"

The bearded man took a long glance at the Quagmire triplets.

"Why, hello!" he gasped, as if he recogonized them. "My name is Ishmael, but you can call me Ish. Welcome to our island."  
"Thank you." Quigley said, "My name is Quigley and these are my siblings Isadora and Duncan."

Ishmael, who no one ever called Ish despite him telling them to, made a small frown at Isadora.

"You look awfully identical to be two boys and a girl."  
"We are triplets." Isadora shrugged.  
"Yes, I could figure out that... you just look awfully identical to be of different genders."

The triplets had dealt with this before, so they just took deep sighs and guessed he wasn't meaning anything bad.

"We were cleaning things up after the storm." a young woman explained, "We show everything to Ishmael, and he decides what gets to stay and what not. Everything we don't keep will be put on a sleigh dragged by the sheep to the other side of the island."

The triplets turned around and saw a bunch of sheep walking around like sheeps do.

"I found a propeller!" a man said.  
"Well, Alonso." Ishmael said, "I don't think we will have much use of a propeller, but I won't force you to throw it away."  
"You could use it as a fan..." Quigley mumbled.  
"You're right, Ishmael." Alonso said.

Isadora turned to her brothers. "Not being forced but still get discouraged is like, the worst kind of leadership."

Duncan nodded.

"Friday, what do you have on your head?" Ishamel asked.

The triplets hadn't even noticed that Friday had some sunglasses on top of her head.

"I think these sunglasses are perfect for bright days..." Friday said quietly.  
"Well, I won't force you-"  
"Then don't force her!" Isadora yelled.

Everyone went silent.

Isadora started to slowly form the red eyes she had when she was yelling at Captain Widdershins.

"I think the sunglasses are a marvelous idea. They are very needed for many."  
"I don't force young Friday to throw them away."  
"But before you say it, you tell her how you don't like it. It's a very manipulating method of leadership and I don't like it. I may only have known you for a minute, but I do not like what I see."

Ishmael seemed to get a little nervous, but quickly calmed himself.

"You must be tired from being cast away. I understand, it's a new kind of environment, you can easily get irritated. Why don't you drink some coconut cordial?"  
"We prefer water." Quigley said.

Alonso gasped. "We don't have any clean water on the island. So coconut cordial it is."  
"It's pretty easy to build a water filtration system." Duncan explained.  
"But what if our bodies can't handle water after drinking coconut cordial for so long?" Ishmael asked. "Please, just try it."

The Quagmires took one cup each of the drink, and slowly drank it.

It tasted even worse than parsley soda, which the triplets wished they were drinking instead.

"Uh..." Quigley said, "We would really like to build a water filtration system."  
"That would be unneccesary, but I won't force you."  
"Good." Isadora said, "Then we will."

Ishmael looked disappointed. "Friday can show you where we have our white robes."

"We apologise if we were impolite to your facilitator." Quigley said.  
"I'm not sorry." Isadora added.   
"But we will build a water filtration system, because we can not drink that crap." Quigley muttered.

Then, he covered his mouth.

"Oh, maybe you're not allowed to swear?"  
"No." Friday said, "But I can let it pass, because sometimes me and some other children whisper bad words to each other when no one hears."  
"Me and Isadora used to do that, too." Quigley said and felt oddly nostalgic.

Friday gave the triplets a small smile.

"Hey, i'm glad you said I could keep the sunglasses. Even if Ishmael didn't force me to throw them away."  
"That man gives me bad vibes." Isadora admitted. "You see, before me and my brothers got here, we dealt with a lot of people who were really mean and hurtful towards us."  
"I understand. I'm glad I have grown up in a safe world, but sometimes I want to leave the island to explore the world."

Isadora chuckled a bit. "Well, why don't you?"  
"Isadora, she is like, seven years old." Duncan said. "She can't really leave on her own."  
"We can only leave once a year." Friday explained, "On decision day. It's the only day where the water is high enough to sail out from the rocks. But no one ever leaves."  
"Why not?" Duncan asked.

Friday sighed. "Because Ishmael convinces everyone to stay. I'm starting to wonder if it's something in the coconut cordial that makes us agree with him so much."

The Quagmires shared unsure looks.

"Uh, Friday..." Isadora said, "We're not sure we want to dress in robes."

Friday stopped walking, and looked a little shocked. "Why not? Ishmael says the white robes is standard-"  
"We're not sure we want to be a part of your community." Duncan said slowly.

Silence occured.

"You seem very pleasant." Quigley said, "But we think we'd rather set up a camp of our own."  
"Is it because I have said something?" Friday asked.  
"No, no!" Isadora assured her, "You haven't done anything! It's... we just don't feel like everything is really right about this. And... well, I may just say it, it's because of your facilitator. You shouldn't judge someone so quickly, but honestly, I don't think I can live under his weird rules."  
"Who can't live under who's rules?"

The Quagmire triplets turned around and saw Ishmael standing beside them.

"We're not sure if we want to be a part of this colony." Quigley explained.  
"Well, I won't force you." Ishmael said, "But you will probably have it a lot harder on the island if you're not a part of our group."

Isadora felt like she was about to boil. "We have taken care of our own for a long time. We can manage."

Her hands were shaking. She tried to keep a polite tone for once. She hadn't known this man for that long and even if her tounge was sharp as the corner of books, she didn't want to argue. Because whether she liked it or not, she was stuck on this island. So she might aswell not raise her voice.

Also, that coconut cordial definetly did something to them. Because as Ishmael had said that he didn't force them to be a part, they still felt like they would make a huge mistake if they didn't. But even possible drugs couldn't set a Quagmire from changing their mind.

"Thank you for welcoming us." Quigley said, "But we think we will be off on our own."  
"We think we're gonna go to the other side of the island and get some stuff you throw away, for recycling purposes."

Ishmael looked horrified. "No! Don't go to the other side of the island!"  
"Why?" Duncan asked.

Ishmael seemed to be annoyed. He walked towards them and slowly spoke.

"Don't rock the boat, Quagmire orphans. That will only lead you to trouble."

Then, he took Fridays hand and walked away with her.

"Ok." Quigley said in an unsure tone, "I guess we will go set up a camp?"

The triplets didn't actually go to the other side of the island. Atleast, not this day.

They dug up random things from the beach which no one had brought to Ishmael or putten on the sleigh yet, to help them build a camp.

Quigley found a windshield in a very good shape, plus some spare blankets made out of sheep fur.

Isadora found various sticks and poles to help set up the camp.

Duncan found a bag of pillows, which had just dried off from the storm, plus two plastic wrapped mattresses.

At the end of the day, they had managed to put up a campfire. But they didn't know what quite to eat.

"I'm not a good chef." Isadora admitted, "But I think I know how to make bread."  
"Should we ask the people for food?" Duncan asked.  
"Do you think they have anything good to come up with?" Quigley snorted. "They probably just eat raw fish and call it ceviche."

Duncan sighed, "Well, I have kind of gotten the water filtration system to work, but not very good."  
"I wish Violet was here." Isadora sighed, "She's the best inventor in the world. If she was here, she would tie her hair up and tell us exactly how we would filtrate the water."  
"And Klaus would tell us about how living on an island would work the best way." Duncan said dreamingly, "Because that boy remembered everything he read, I swear."

Just as they were gushing about their crushes, a shadow was walking up to them.

"Oh fuck don't let it be Olaf." Isadora said.

But as the shadow came closer, they noticed it wasn't Olaf, but a woman they saw before.

"Good evening." Quigley said, trying to be as polite as he could.  
"Hello." the woman said, "I... I thought you children were hungry, so I brought some food."

In her arms, she held a big plate of raw fish.

"Cheviche." she said.

The triplets exchanged teasing looks.

"I know it's not much." the woman said, "But it's atleast food."  
"Thanks." Isadora said, "But... you didn't have to..."

The woman smiled. "I have a child myself. I always want to make sure Friday has something to eat."  
"You're her mother?" Quigley asked.  
"My name is Miranda Caliban. I ended up here when I was pregnant with Friday. Her father and I was in an accident with a sinking cruise ship. Her father died at sea..."

The triplets looked down on the ground.

"We're sorry." Quigley said.  
"Well, I have managed." Miranda shrugged.

"Uh..." Isadora said after eating the raw fish, "Are there any books on cooking on the island?"

She tried not to sound impolite, and hoped Miranda did not hear her as that either.

"Well..." Miranda said, "There is one, actually. But Ishmael said it was unneccesary to have. Though, we did actually not throw it on the sleigh."  
"He didn't force you anyway, right?" Quigley chuckled.  
"No." Miranda replied and snickered a bit too.

Then, she stood up.

"I want you to know that we on the island don't completely agree with Ishmael at all times anyway. Why do you think we refuse to call him Ish? And everyone has secrets. I think even Friday has some..."

The triplets nodded.

"Anyway." Miranda continued, "I think you children are very brave, and I will try to find that book for you tomorrow."  
"Thank you." Duncan said. "But... Miranda?"

Miranda was about to go away. "Yes?"

"Stay away from the man on the shores. He is dangerous and we hope he just waltzes around until he dies."  
"Friday told me. Don't worry, I won't. Goodnight, Quagmire triplets."

The triplets waved at her, as they looked up in the sky.

All the stars in the sky made them feel oddly calm.


	29. Something weird on the island

The next day, early in the morning, Miranda and Friday walked together to the triplets.

"It would seem less suspicious if we went together." Miranda explained.

She handed out the cooking book she promised to give them.

"I hope you find use of it." she said, "We don't have all the ingredients on the island, but-"  
"That's fine." Quigley said, and smiled. "We know how to have substitutions in our cooking."

The triplets gave each other a knowing nod.

"I hope you feel well." Friday said.  
"Thank you, Friday." Isadora answered, "We are feeling quite well."  
"Thanks for the book." Duncan said.

Miranda took Fridays hand. "We better head back. Ishmael won't force us to not come here, but I don't think he likes it."

The triplets nodded. They waved at them as they walked away.

The following days, not much happened.

Miranda and Friday came over every day, often at different times each time, to not get anyone suspicious.

Even if the Quagmire children didn't feel very happy or not completely safe yet, they found themselves to get their inspirations back.

Quigley couldn't really explore the island, nor leave it, but the thought of the mystery what was on the other side of the island, and the other side of the sea, engaged him.

Isadora had for the first time in forever some inspiration for her poetry. She spent her days staring into the ocean and writing down everything she came up with. Either in her head or on papers who ended up on the island.

Duncan took care of the cooking, because there wasn't much other to report on. Every day he looked through the cooking book, and tried to make something out of what was available. Sometimes an ingredient had to be replaced with something else, which made some new tastes. Duncan made sure to write it all down with papers he found, or the papers Friday sometimes smuggled out to them, because he thought it would be of great help for future castaways.

They did not know how many days had gone. They didn't even know what was the date. Though, they heard someone mention the "decision day" was only a day or two away, and the triplets had made up their minds. They wanted to get out of here.

This day, the triplets sat on the beach as usual and did what they usually did.

"Do you have any new poems?" Quigley asked.  
"Yeah." Isadora said, "I have one i'm working on."  
"Can I hear it?"

Isadora closed her eyes and recited.

"_I can't think of a single thing i'd rather do   
than be cast away on an island with you."_

Duncan and Quigley clapped their hands.

"How romantic!" Quigley exclaimed. "Why don't you put it in a bottle and send it across the ocean to Violet?"  
"It would be a very low chance Violet would find it." Isadora said sadly, but still smiled.  
"It's much more sweeter than you usually do." Duncan said. "I like that."

Isadora smirked. "You haven't heard the rest."  
"There's more?" Duncan asked nervously.  
"Yes, even since five seconds ago."

Isadora closed her eyes again.

"I can't think of a single thing i'd rather do  
and that's why I had to get rid of the crew,  
so I lopped off their heads and dropped them in the sea  
just to have you shipwrecked on a tropical island with me."

Duncan sighed. "My dear sister, you continue to amaze me."

Later in the afternoon, two people the Quagmires recogonized as a man named Alonso and a woman they believed was named Ariel, was coming towards them.

"Good afternoon." Quigley said, "How do you do?"  
"Oh..." Ariel said, "We're doing just fine."  
"Is... there something on your minds?" Isadora asked.

Alonso and Ariel exchanged nervous looks.

"You know... everyone on this island has secrets." Alonso whispered.  
"We know." Isadora said.  
"Yes." Ariel said awkwardly, "We just- uh... we wanted you to know that..."

The triplets glanced at the two robe-wearing people who probably was drugged as heck because of the coconut cordial.

"We are, uh..." Alonso mumbled, "Starting a riot... a protest... against Ishmael."  
"Ok?" the triplets said in unison.  
"We have never quite agreed with his way of leading." Ariel muttered, "And tomorrow, we will gather everything he didn't force us to throw away, but still dislikes, and use it against him."

The triplets were just quiet. They loved standing up against authorities, sure, but this felt a bit... they didn't have the right word for it, but it felt like a stupid thing to do.

"We would like your help." Alonso explained, "Go to the other side of the island, and fetch something useful. You three seem to find useful things more easily."

Now, when the triplets got a mission like if they were in some video game where you had to complete errands to get certain things, they decided that, why not explore the other side of the island?

"How do you even come to the other side?" Duncan asked.  
"I have seen Ishmael go there." Isadora said.

Her brothers stared at her.

"You mean to tell us." Quigley said, "That you have seen him go into the forbidden area and you're giving us this information right now?"  
"Yes."

Quigley sighed. "Oh well. Let's try to go there, then."

The triplets walked beside some sheep, who were the only living things on the island who didn't follow Ishamel's leadership (except for Olaf, who still roamed around the shores like the king of portugallia). Of course, they dragged the sleigh, but other than that they just roamed around free.

"Ok, will some sheep go to the other side?" Isadora asked.  
"They better." Quigley shrugged, "I mean, I think the other side is through that cave?"  
"Couldn't you speak sheep language, Isa?" Duncan asked jokingly.

Isadora stopped her tracks. "What?"

Duncan started to cackle. "Don't you remember? We were eight and played around on uncle Elwyn's farm..."  
"No!" Quigley said, "We were seven and it was at the petting zoo in... where was it?"

The two brothers stared into the oblivion.

"I suddenly don't remember much." Duncan said, "Like, childhood memories can fade, but... what was the name of our school?"  
"Cackles academy?" Isadora suggested. "No, wait... prep school? Preppy Prep School for preporatory cakesniffers?"  
"Who cakesniffed?" Quigley asked.

The triplets felt confused to why they suddenly started to forget memories. They hoped they didn't forget more, because there were things they really would like to remember.

Isadora stared at the sea, and then saw the poem she still held in her hand. She picked up a bottle that someone had thrown on the ground and quickly wrote "To V, from your sassy and sapphic I". Then, she put the poem in the bottle, and threw it off to sea.

"Hope it doesn't sink to the bottom of the sea." Isadora said nervously.  
"It won't." Quigley assured her. "It won't."

Duncan took a deep breath. "Guys, should we just enter this little cave to the other side of the island? We got no time to loose."

The Quagmire children walked through the cave, which was more like a little tunnel. On the other side, they were met by mountains of every object imaginable.

A baby cradle. A locker. Sports pants. Teacups. Binoculars. A full outhouse.

All things that the Quagmires thought would be very neccessary, but things Ishamel apparently didn't let them have.

But the most interesting thing was this giant tree, which seemed to have a door. As if it was a literal treehouse. Naturally, the triplets walked inside.

The inside of the tree looked like any normal room. It had everything you needed. A stove that seemed to work, a bed, and a big bookshelf with lots of books. It even had a water filtration system!

"So, what the fuck!" Isadora exclaimed.   
"It's an arboretum of some sort." Quigley said. "I think it's called that."  
"Guys, what's the title of the book on the table over there?" Duncan asked.

They took some steps forward and saw a large book on the table. The title was _A series of unfortunate events_.

"It seems to be a diary of some sort?" Quigley said, and started to skim through it.

After a while, he spoke again.

"All the leaders of this island wrote in it. Even Ishmael."

He held a page up for his siblings to read.

"_Today, three new faces showed up on the island. The Quagmire triplets. Orphans, of course. They didn't even want to be a part of our community. Typical Quagmires. I never knew a Quagmire who didn't rock the boat. Also, no one wants to call me Ish! Why? Is it so hard to call me that, or what's the deal?"_

"Ishmael schismael." Isadora muttered.  
"We never told him we were orphans." Duncan said anxiously.

Just as he said that, a voice entered the arboretum.

"No, you never told me that..."

The triplets looked startled as they saw who was behind them.

"Ishmael..." Quigley said.  
"Call me Ish."

Isadora was the first one to calm herself down.

"How do you know we are orphans?"

Ishmael shrugged. "I have met your parents. It was long ago now, but as soon as you introduced yourselves and you didn't mention your parents at all, I figured."

The triplets felt a little creeped out.

"H-How do you know our parents?" Duncan asked, stuttering.  
"They were the leaders of this island, once. They planned to raise a family, right here. Then, they left the island when your mother was pregnant with you three."  
"So we have technically been here before?" Isadora said. "I gotta admit, I felt like the beach was familiar to me."

Quigley frowned at Ishmael. "But then... why did they leave?"

Ishmael just smiled. "Well, maybe they just so happened to realise another leader was better for the island..."

Silence. The triplets had to process what he said.

"Ok..." Isadora said, "I didn't regret growing up in the big world outside, because I probably would've been very bored if I always lived here."  
"But..." Quigley added, "It sounds like you forced them out of the island because you are so bossy and wants to decide everything."  
"I didn't force them." Ishamel shrugged.

The children stared at him.

"I only gave them some advice." Ishmael said in a slightly louder tone. "I told them that I didn't think they should teach the children to read because they had no use of reading on the island. I told them we should drink coconut cordial more now when it already was available on the island. I never forced them of anything. But they eventually got super mad at me for just giving them my opinion, and so they decided to leave this island."

The triplets still just stared at him without saying a word. The way they stared at him was stiff and very creepy. Their father used to call it the "triplet sapphire stare", because the triplets eyes were as sharp as sapphires as they stared in utter disappointment and disgust. There were few people who had gotten that stare, and suprisingly neither Olaf or Widdershins, or not even Poe had gotten it. If they got it, it was only from one of the triplets at the time, but few people had gotten the experience of seeing the Quagmire triplets staring at them that way together, in a nice line-up.

"Isadora." Quigley said slowly, "Do it."

Isadora walked forward, until she was nearly touching Ishmaels beard.

"There is a dangerous man on this island, and he has a dangerous fungus with him." she explained, "And honestly, I wouldn't care if he released it on you."

With that said, she walked out with angry steps, her brothers following.

"And i'll take this." Duncan said, and grabbed a plate newly cooked sausages.

As they walked back, the sun had started to go down.

"Shall we eat some dinner?" Duncan asked.  
"Why not." Isadora shrugged, "Those sausages look pretty decent."

As they sat down in their campfire and ate, they saw something float up on the shore. Since it was getting darker, they didn't know what.

"I know it's dark." Quigley said, "But that looks like a boat buildt of books."  
"We can look at it tomorrow." Isadora yawned, "I know it's weird going to bed right after dinner, but I just feel very tired."  
"Well, time doesn't seem to really exist on this island." Duncan shrugged, "People go to bed when it's dark and nothing more with that. But they somehow know what day it is anyway."

The triplets curled up together in the tent, not knowing that in just 24 hours, their life would change forever.


	30. It all ends here

The Quagmires woke up early in the morning. The sun was too bright to continue sleeping. They didn't know what time it was, so they decided to do what they were going to do before going to bed the day before. They were gonna investigate the weird boat buildt with books.

As they got to the shores, they nervously looked around for Olaf.

They weren't as afraid of him doing anything, but he still gave them trauma that would most likely last for an eternity.

After not seeing him anywhere, the triplets slowly walked towards the strange boat.

"This is a lot of books." Quigley said. "I wonder who did this..."

Isadora pointed at the top of it.

"Guys... do we know who's lying there?"

Duncan and Quigley followed their sisters gaze, and noticed a woman, lying unconsious on the top of the pile of books.

"I may be wrong." Duncan said, "But I think that may be Kit Snicket."  
"Holy shit!" Quigley exclaimed, "It's Kit!"

Without hesitation, the triplets climbed up to the top.

"Kit!" they yelled, "Kit!"

Slowly, Kit opened her eyes and looked confused around.

"Quagmires?" she mumbled.  
"Kit!"

Kit let out a bright smile.

"You're on an island." Isadora explained, even if Kit didn't ask where she was.

Kit took a deep breath.

"Finally, i've found you again." she said. "Tell me, Quagmires. How did it go?"

The Quagmire siblings smiles disappeared as they remembered what happened at Hotel Denoument.

"We failed." Quigley whispered. "We.. it was too late."  
"Oh." Kit said. "Well, how's Dewey?"

Duncan frowned. "How did you know we knew he existed?"

Kit couldn't answer that. She was just silent.

"Kit, Dewey is..." Quigley said slowly.  
"Dewey's dead." Isadora sniffed.

Silence again.

"We failed with everything." Isadora continued, "Everything just went to hell, and now we're on this island with people who do drugs and Olaf is here too and he has the medusoid mycelium-"

Kit shushed her.

"It's gonna be okay. I'm just gonna-"  
"Kit?" Duncan asked carefully.  
"I think..." Kit whimpered, "I think it's not far until my baby arrives."

"What are the Quagmires doing there?"

The siblings turned around to see Ishmael and various other people, including Friday and Miranda, and Alonso and Ariel.

"They seem to be with a very pregnant woman." Ishmael said.  
"People!" Duncan yelled, "This woman is named-"  
"Kit Snicket, yes."

Everyone turned around to see a man dressed in seaweed in his hair, and wearing something round under his shirt to make himself look pregnant. Count Olaf.

"I don't know who you are." someone said, "But you are not a woman named Kit Snicket."  
"How dare you!" Olaf said in a hoarse voice, "I am Kit Snicket, and as you can see on my belly, I am very pregnant! The woman over there is an imposter!"  
"You're fooling nobody with that disguise, Olaf." Ishamel said.

Everyone gasped, because Ishmael knew who Olaf was.

"Ishmael..." Olaf growled, and threw off the seaweed in his hair. "Long time no see."

Ishmael didn't respond.

"People, stay away from that man!" Quigley warned, pointing at Olaf.

The triplets jumped down to the ground to speak clearer to everyone.

"Please, trust us!" Isadora yelled, running up to the crowd.  
"I believe them!" Friday said, "He was awfully rude when I found the Quagmire triplets!"  
"I believe them, too." Miranda said, and smiled at the triplets.

Olaf groaned.

"Well, _I _don't believe them! I am very nice!"

In response to this, Ishmael pulled out a fucking harpoon gun.

"Ishmael!" a woman holding a toddler exclaimed. "You said I couldn't keep the harpoon gun."  
"Call me Ish. And I said I didn't force you. I also said I didn't force you to keep your toddler, even after stating your toddler only would cause trouble, but you still kept him."  
"If you harpoon me," Olaf exclaimed, "I will poison this whole island with a very dangerous mycelium."

Ishmael rolled his eyes. "You won't even try."

And just like that, Ishmael shot a harpoon at Olaf.

Small dusts of white powder exploded from Olaf's belly, making everyone cough.

"You idiot!" Isadora exclaimed, "Shoot him in the head, not in the belly! He had the medusoid mycelium hidden in the helmet under his shirt!"  
"I didn't force you to say your opinion." Ishmael said.  
"Everyone, we need horseradish!" Quigley informed. "Or wasabi!"  
"We don't have any horseradish on the island." Alonso complained. "Or wasabi."

Ishmael snapped his fingers. Between coughing, he talked.

"Lucky for us, it's decision day! And it's a horseradish factory near lousy lane. We can take the outrigger and sail there!"  
"You won't make it in time." Isadora groaned, "There must be something on the island. Everyone wait here!"

She and her brothers ran away, to the other side of the island.

As they reached the arboretum, they started to cough violently.

"We need to hurry!" Quigley said and started to search the shelves for something to eat.  
"There's no horseradish!" Isadora cried, "There's no wasabi! There's no nothing!"

She covered her face with her hands and started to cry.

"There has to be something!" Duncan whimpered. "The book! The book all the leaders were writing in! Maybe it says something about it there!"  
"We don't have time to read an entire book!" Quigley exclaimed. "We need to skim it!"

The three Quagmires sat down and started to skim through the book. Their goal was to find anything with the word "cure" in it. They really hoped it was another cure.

"I'm finding it hard to breathe." Duncan shivered.  
"There's gotta be something-" Quigley said with a hoarse voice. "Apples! Look! It says something about apples being the cure!"  
"Worth a try!" Isadora exclaimed, coughing more than mr. Poe. "There's apples above the tree, isn't it?"

The Quagmire siblings stood up to get the apples.

But instantly fell as they had no energy left.

"No..." Isadora coughed, "It... it can't end like this!"

The Quagmire triplets lied on the floor, waiting for their doom. Right as they were about to close their eyes, something crawled beside them. And suddenly, an apple rolled onto Duncan.

Duncan slowly took a bite of the apple, and realised he felt so much better than he did before.

"Thanks..." he said, realising who is was who gave him the apple.

He then threw the apple at Isadora.

"Ow! I'm dying, you don't have to be rude!"  
"Eat the apple."

Isadora ate the apple, and afterwards saw in delight who was next to Duncan.

"The incredibly deadly viper!" she exclaimed.  
"Where?" Quigley coughed.  
"Eat." his siblings ordered and held the apple in front of him.

The siblings unfortunately couldn't spend a lot of time with the incredibly deadly viper. The viper didn't care, because it was a viper and also because it knew what was going on and knew the siblings had to bring the apples to the others. They did thank the viper one more time before running to the shores with apples.

"Everyone!" Quigley screamed while running, "Eat this! You'll survive!"

Ishmael stared at them as all the others were getting ready to sit on the boat.

"Don't rock the boat now, Quagmires."  
"Don't you see? We are not coughing anymore!" Isadora protested.

Ishmael frowned. "Well, I won't force you, but I think taking the outrigger to the horseradish factory would be much more wiser of you."  
"They do seem to be quite well." Ariel coughed.  
"No one asked you, Ariel!"

Ariel went silent.

"You know fully well these apples will cure." Quigley said.  
"I don't have any idea what you're talking about." Ishmael said. "Don't rock the boat. Goodbye."

The islanders started to row.

"Friday!" Isadora exclaimed. "Take this."

Friday sat in the far back. She glanced at the apple Isadora gave her.

Miranda saw it, and she nodded.

The mother and daughter smiled at the Quagmires, and waved. If everyone would die at the outrigger, atleast Miranda and Friday would survive. Hopefully.

The Quagmires ran up to Kit.

"Kit, we found a cure!" Duncan said, "Eat this apple!"  
"No..." Kit said, "No, I can't."  
"Why not?"  
"It... would harm the baby. I can feel it coming soon."

The triplets exchanged panicked looks.

"You need to get down from here." Quigley said.  
"I'm not as strong as you triplets are." Kit admitted. "I lost too many people. My parents, my brothers, Dewey..."

The triplets realised they couldn't get Kit down, and had to get someone to help. The only thing was, there was only one person left on the island.

But what choice did they have?

"Olaf!"

Olaf lied on the beach and groaned.

"Can't you let me die in peace?" he asked.  
"Kit needs your help." Isadora said, and handed him an apple.  
"She needs my help, huh? What for?"  
"She might die."

Olaf suddenly snatched the apple. "Kit... might die? Fuck, then there's no time to lose!"

Olaf climbed up on the pile of books on the shores, and carried Kit all the way down. He grunted and seemed to almost drop her several times. But after reaching the Quagmire triplets, he slowly put her on the ground. Then, he leaned over and kissed her.

"Ew!" exclaimed all three of the Quagmire triplets.

Kit opened her eyes. She looked at Olaf in disgust.

"You..." she said.  
"I told you I would do that one last time." Olaf smirked.  
"You are a wicked man. Do you honestly believe that one good act would make me forgive you for you treachery."  
"I haven't apologised."

Kit coughed in his face. Olaf coughed in her face as a revenge. The triplets just stared at the two very absurd adults.

"What was that thing your brother used to say?" Olaf asked.

Then, he started to recite a poem who Isadora was very familiar with, because it was the poem that learned her to say "fuck". Olaf however, skipped that part and just quoted the last verse.

"Man hands on misery to man." he coughed.  
"It deepens like a coastal shelf." Kit added, as she shivered because of the fungus and because she was going into labour.  
"Get out... as early as you can..." Olaf said.

Then, he took all the energy to say the last sentence right in the three childrens faces.

"...and don't have any kids yourself."

After that, he fell dead on the ground.

"He died." Isadora said slowly. "I should feel happy, but... I don't feel happy. Not at all."

Kit started to form tears.

"It's hard to be happy when it all happens at once."

As she uttered the last word, she started to feel a lot of pain, as the baby was arriving. The Quagmires, too young to really deliver a baby, ran to her and tried to calm her in the best way they could.

As one person died, a new person was born into the world. A newborn scream echoed through the island.

As soon as the baby was out, Isadora gave an apple to Kit to bite, in hope she would get cured from the fungus.

And it seemed like she did, for a while.

She held her newborn daughter and rocked her slowly.

"I always wanted to be a mother." she cried.  
"And now you are." Isadora said. "Say, what will you name her?"

Kit looked up at the Quagmires. "I've been thinking... I always liked the name Beatrice. But... name her after someone special."  
"What do you mean?" Quigley asked.

Kit handed the baby over to Isadora.

"The apple... it's not working. I can feel my throat getting more and more blocked."

The triplets looked frightened.

"Just promise me, Quagmires..." Kit cried, "...promise me she won't be alone."  
"Kit, please don't leave us!" Duncan cried.  
"I love you all so much. You are... brave and... noble."

Kit coughed like a maniac. Then she slowly leaned down and closed her eyes.

"Kit!" Quigley exclaimed. "Kit, please! Don't leave us!"

But it was too late. Kit had left the world. And now, the Quagmires would be parents. It all happened at once. They didn't know quite what to do.

But they couldn't stay here. Not now. They had a little thing to take care of, who all this time had closed eyes and knew nothing about the world. It was the Quagmire triplets job to make her feel safe. It was a kind of feeling they didn't feel for anyone else. A parental love.

"What do we do now?" Duncan asked.  
"We look after her." Isadora said and looked down on the baby she held. "Come on. There must be something about this in that book our parents wrote."

Things were over now. There was nothing more in this world to be afraid of. No more threats and hopefully no more deaths would enter the lives of the Quagmire triplets for a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys...!  
Thank you so much for everyone who has been reading this.  
One chapter left…


	31. Our last goodbye

_Today, we will leave this island in a boat we buildt without bitchy Ishmaels knowledge. It's not only because we can't stand him that we will leave, but also another reason. We wanted to raise our children in a safe and secluded world, but we realise we can't shelter them forever. I have a feeling there's going to be more than one child in my pregnancy. Triplets run in my family, so i'm certain that if it's more than one, it's triplets. If we have any girls we will name them either Moxie, Beatrice or Solitude. And if we have any boys we will name them either Quigley, Duncan or..._

"Lemony." Quigley read out loud.  
"Lemony?" Isadora snorted, "What?!"  
"Imagine if you were named Lemony." Duncan said, and smirked at his sister.

Suddenly, the little baby sitting in the highchair started to burst out laughing.

"That's right." Isadora said, "That named deserves to be laughed at. It's a very bad name."

She then lifted up the baby and cuddled with her.

"I can't believe it's been a year."   
"Me neither." Duncan said, "I think I would've died of despair if it weren't for this little thing."  
"I still think we should have given her a shorter name." Quigley said.  
"It's been a year, brother." Isadora giggled, "Get over it. Atleast she likes the name. Don't you, baby?"  
"And it's not like we say her full name every time we speak of her." Duncan added. "Only when we scold her for something. Which rarely happens."

As he said that, the baby let out a huge burp.

Isadora frowned. "Beatrice Kit Violet Snicket-Quagmire! Apologise for this rude behaviour at once!"

Beatrice giggled, and so Isadora and her brothers giggled too.

"See what I mean?" Duncan chuckled.  
"Imagine if she ever asks about her name." Quigley said.  
"Well, that's easy." Isadora said, "Beatrice because her mother liked the name, and we wanted to praise her mother. Kit is her mothers name, and again, tribute. Violet because Violet is very awesome. And Snicket because she's a Snicket, but also Quagmire because she is a part of our family too."

Duncan smiled. "We should've added Sunny."  
"It was already long enough." Quigley shrugged.  
"Just like your mullet!" Isadora complained.

Quigley had over the last year let his hair grow a bit, and it started to resemble a mullet. He also wore this very colorful clothes that ended up on the island a while ago.

"What?" he said, "This style must be modern! Remember that celebrety magazine that washed up here? Everyone had mullets, and also pretty colorful clothes!"  
"I think it's too colorful." Isadora said. She herself was wearing a gray dress, which fitted her perfectly.

Later at night, the triplets had just gotten Beatrice to sleep and were glancing at the waves outside.

"Don't you think we should leave this island?" Quigley asked.   
"Why?" Isadora asked, "We have everything we need here."  
"She has everything she needs here." Duncan said.

They glanced at Beatrice, who sleeped peacefully.

"We can't shelter her forever." Quigley sighed. "Our parents knew that. Besides, wouldn't you want to explore the world?"  
"I don't know..." Duncan said.   
"Don't you miss it, a little bit?"

Isadora bit her lip. "Well, there was more to do than there is on this island."  
"And I do want to inherit our sapphires, so we can do things." Duncan admitted.  
"Well, there is still some years left." Isadora shrugged.

Quigley suddenly smirked.

"Guys." he said, "There is something that I need to show you."

He slowly walked across the aboretum and got them a bottle with a letter inside.

"Isadora, do you remember when you wrote a poem and threw it into the ocean?"

Isadora lit up. "Yeah...?"

Quigley opened the bottle, and prepared to read the letter.

"The title is _In response to 'To V, from your sassy and sapphic I'._" Quigley said.

Isadora started to shake from excitement.

"Are you serious? Is it- oh my! Please tell me it's the right person who got it and not a stranger!"

Quigley wiggled his eyesbrows, indicating he knew who wrote this letter. He cleared his throat and started to read it.

_If I do not mistake, this is the work of the most important I in my world. The sassy, always wonderful and energetic, and in her own words, sapphic girl, named I._   
_I wanted to write a poem back to you, but I can't rhyme. Instead, I will give you something that may make us find each other again._   
_Me, K and S, have found each other and have spent a great amount of time around the world in the flying mobile home H made. Your bottle has probably been all around the place, until a devoted crow got it and somehow knew to bring it up to us. I believe crows can see everything, even if we don't think they do. Because if you got this letter, it means the crows knew exactly where to drop it._   
_We are heading our way to a certain beach, where a girl called F, who I believe your brother had a thing for, will meet us up. I'm not sure when you get this letter, but when you do, you know where to find me._   
_I have longed to kiss you one more time._   
_Love,_   
_your inventive and clever V_

_P.S: K won't admit it, but I know he and D made out in the car while the man we won't mention had us in the back of his trunk. Hope to see them make out in front of us next time._

Isadora looked like she was about to fly, while Duncan blushed super hard and dug his face down to the ground. But both of the two triplets smiled. They really were convinced of leaving now.

Early in the morning, the triplets packed their bags.

"Alright, let's check." Quigley said. "Do we have everyones clothes?"  
"Check!" Duncan said.  
"Food for the journey?"  
"Check!" Isadora cheered.  
"Ok. Has everyone been to the bathroom?"  
"Ay!" Beatrice shrieked.

Quigley smiled. "And do we have Beatrice's diapers?"  
"They're in her bag of clothes." Duncan explained.  
"Oh, Quigley, do we have our notebooks?" Isadora asked, "I can get inspired on the sea."  
"And I like to take notes of the waves and how the boat sails." Duncan said.  
"We have everything of that in that backpack that ended up here last month." Quigley said, "With pencils and everything!"

Beatrice looked up at Quigley.

"Cake?"

Everyone started to laugh.

Then, they grabbed everything and tossed it in the boat. Before they went, they walked to the two graves on the island.

On Kit's grave, they left a big bouquet of flowers. Beatrice waved goodbye to her mother, as they walked away.

They then went to Olaf's grave, where they just stared for a minute.

"Come on." Duncan said, "Let's go home."

They walked to the boat, and noticed the name of it from a year ago.

"I refuse to ride in a boat named 'The Olaf'." Isadora said.  
"I think the original name is still underneath." Quigley noted, and started to remove the sign on the boat.

Underneath the sign, was the original name. And it couldn't have fitted better.

"Quig!" shrieked Beatrice. This was her name for Quigley. "Isa! Dun!"  
"That's right." Duncan said, "The boat has your name on it. I'm suprised you can read."  
"Everyone has their own little secrets." Isadora giggled.  
"I wonder who Beatrice was." Quigley said. "Like, the Beatrice our Beatrice is named after."  
"I thought it was just a name Kit liked." Isadora shrugged. "Oh well. It could just be a coincidence. Maybe we'll know one day."

And so, the Quagmire triplets and little Beatrice sailed out. Beatrice looked back and waved at the island, because that was her baby way of saying goodbye. The triplets couldn't help themselves when they saw what she did, and started to wave goodbye to the island aswell.

But then, they looked forward. They were going home. And it would be wonderful. Hopefully, it would be like the last couplet Isadora wrote before they left.

_Two sets of friends just out of reach_   
_will meet again on Briny Beach._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!!!   
I'm emotional, of course. I have finished this! Oh my lord!  
Yes, I still named her Beatrice. I know it doesn't fit as well with everything, but still!  
I'd like to thank everyone who read this. Thank you to everyone who wrote live-reactions to the chapters in VFDiscord. Thanks to those on tumblr who reblogged my posts about this fic. Thank you to everyone.  
It all started as fun little speculation posts I did on tumblr this summer, and it evolved into this.
> 
> Love you all!  
Your imaginative and quirky author,  
Theweirdslingshot


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